Rule #2 of Customer Service: Customers Aren’t Grateful
Customer: So I just made an account and downloaded your app, but none of the first-time coupon codes are working.
Me: How are you receiving these codes?
Customer: From a website, [promo aggregator website name].
Me: I'm sorry, but if you found those codes through a third party, I have no way of verifying them or implementing them manually. [Brief explanation of how we actually send out legitimate coupons]
Customer: So can you just manually add a coupon to my account for being a first time customer?
Me: Unfortunately, because of this exact problem, I don't have a code I can give you--the instant I do, it gets posted online. If your account is fully active I can place one directly on the account.
Customer: *sigh* Fine.
Me: *finds account* Okay, so I've added a $3.00 credit to your account, no code ne--
Customer: *affronted* Three dollars? Really? Gee, thanks.
Me: You're quite welcome.
Customer: *click*