mouthporn.net
#bless this post – @nonochuu on Tumblr
Avatar

nee-chan or noona? humh... *sips tea*

@nonochuu / nonochuu.tumblr.com

Things that I like, my neopolitan one-true-pairing (graylu, ichiruki, sasusaku) plus other 'sweets', and some random thoughts . . . ヽ(・∀・)ノ ~~ "header made by ellinot" ~~
Avatar
reblogged

I finally finished my entry for @gouallout for the “I’m Here” prompt! I’ve written this story (last year) envisioning this has happened before the OVA. But then, this can also happen after the OVA. It’s up to you guys!

But srsly though, I literally went ALL OUT. Around 60 panels and colored. I hope I don’t regret anything! It looked a hell lot better colored. Gou needs to be appreciated more SOS! I just hope the text is making sense coz I’m posting this at 5am without sleep. So much innuendos in this 😂😂😂 

Avatar
reblogged
Avatar
bleachlists

Bleach characters as driving instructors

As requested by @rays-of-fire-and-ice :)

What if Bleach characters worked as driving instructors, teaching teenagers how to drive? 

1. Tsukishima: Is not super engaged

Student: Um…are you reading while I’m driving for the first time in my life?
Tsukishima: Yeah.
Student: Shouldn’t you be helping me??
Tsukishima: Why do teenagers always want me to be their mentor?
Student: BECAUSE YOU’RE A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR
Tsukishima: Meh.

2. Urahara: Adds his own rules

Urahara: If you want to turn safely, you must wear this hat and shout, “TURN! TURN CAR OF POWER AND MIGHT!”
Student: …
Student: Are you messing with me?
Urahara: Why, I would NEVER!
Urahara: So anyway put on this hat!
Student: No wonder you were the only instructor with open slots.

3. Byakuya: Is a bit critical

Byakuya: That turn was too sharp.
Byakuya: You have dishonored the noble tradition of driving.
Student: Well I guess I’ll do better next time!
Byakuya: …I can’t believe they let you train for less than one human year.

4.  Yhwach: Is slightly intimidating

Yhwach: I have already seen the future. I already know you will fail this driving exam.
Student: Uh…I have literally done nothing except buckle my seatbelt.
Yhwach: I can’t believe you’re even trying.

5. Orihime: Is very positive

Orihime: That was really good!
Student: I-it was?
Orihime: Sure!
Orihime: I mean, we can repair the fence and fix the scratches on the car, and probably the shop owner won’t even NOTICE the giant hole in his wall!
Student: …
Orihime: T-things can be fixed, trust me!

6. Szayel: Brings his own equipment

Student: Uh…why are you putting a dashcam in my car?
Student: And other dashcam? And another?
Student: Do we really need three cameras?
Szayel: Trust me! The more recordings we have, the better!
Szayel: These five cameras will make all the difference!
Student: Five?
Szayel: Did I say five? I meant….wait, how many did you think there were?
Student: I WANT A NEW TEACHER

7. Yoruichi: Is intense

Yoruichi: YOU HAVE ONLY THREE DAYS TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE!
Student: Wait, what? Why???
Yoruichi: Eh, I’ll probably get bored after that.
Yoruichi: It sucks that the rules say I have to wear clothes for this.
Student: …
Yoruichi: Yeah, I was disappointed too.

8. Tensa: Is…less than motivational

Tensa: Driving is dangerous.
Tensa: I will do whatever I can to keep you from achieving this dangerous skill.
Student: Reverse psychology! Nice!
Tensa: …
Tensa: Oh great. Another Ichigo.

9. Komamura: Tries to calm the student’s nerves

Komamura: Do not be afraid.
Komamura: I and everyone on the road are here for you.
Studnet: R-really?
Komamura: …
Komamura: Okay well the other people on the road would probably run you over if they could, but still.
Student: …
Komamura: Did I make it worse?

10. Kukaku: Leaves it to Koganehiko and Shiroganehiko

Koganehiko: You turn like this! Rrrrrrrrr
Shiroganehiko: No, it’s more like “RrrrRrrrrRrrr”!
Student: PLEASE USE ACTUAL WORDS

11. Nanao: Is very rigorous

Student: That’s a big binder!
Nanao: Yes. These are all the things I am going to teach you.
Student: …
Student: Should I be worried?
Nanao: You mean excited, right?

12. Kyoraku: Is very relaxed

Student: Um…should you really be drinking while I drive?
Kyoraku: It’ll help me nap later!
Student: “Later” as in after the lesson, right?
Kyoraku: …sure.

13. Ikkaku: Tries to be motivational

Ikkaku: You’ve learned a lot. I have nothing more to teach you.
Student: Thanks!
Ikkaku: The next time we meet on the road, we kill each other.
Student: …
Student: W-what?
Ikakku: You earned it.

14. Ichigo: Has trouble being clear

Ichigo: Okay, so just take a deep breath, think about how much you love your friends, and DRIVE!
Student: …
Student: …
Student: Could you tell me which pedal is gas though?
Ichigo: Wow it takes you forever to level up.

15. Gin: Is basically the worse 

Gin: Remember, if you make even the smallest mistake, a lot of people will be hurt.
Gin: They may even die.
Gin: If you don’t think you’re up for that responsibility…
Gin: If you think that maybe you don’t want the fate of all those you pass to be in your hands…
Gin: Then maybe you should just go home.
Student: …
Student: …
Student: Nah man I really want to be able to go to school without my mom driving me.
Gin: I think I like you.
Avatar
reblogged
Avatar
bleachlists

If captains and lieutenants did a three-legged race...

As requested by anon. :)

Captains and lieutenants have partnered up to do a three-legged race! How will that go?

1. Rose & Kira

Rose: Now remember, Izuru, my music will allow us to stay perfectly in sync!
Kira: Captain, I respect you, but I think you playing the guitar as we race will only slow us down.
Rose: Probably so.
Rose: But art is more important than winning!
Rose: Now let’s SING!
Kira: …still better than Captain Ichimaru.

2. Komamura & Iba

Komamura: Iba, I wish to apologize now if my massive wolf legs simply drag you along, seeing as they are taller than most of your body.
Iba: Captain, I am HONORED to be dragged along by your mighty wolf legs!
Iba: DRAG ME! DRAG ME FOR GLORY!!
Komamura: I will, Iba. I will!

3. Kurotsuchi & Nemu

Kurotsuchi: I can’t BELIEVE they dared to disqualify us!
Nemu: You were talking very loudly about how you were going to splatter my poisonous blood across the other contestants in order to take them out.
Kurotsuchi: The rules said nothing about that being illegal.
Kurotsuchi: This game is so rigged.
Nemu: Yes, Mayuri-sama.

4. Yamamoto & Sasakibe

Sasakibe: Using your beard to hold us tied together was brilliant, Head Captain.
Sasakibe: Its warm embrace inspires me to do my best!
Yamamoto: It was your idea, Sasakibe.
Yamamoto: I said it was a little weird.
Sasakibe: Your beard will lead us to victory!

5. Ukitake & Rukia

Ukitake: I-I have to warn you now, Kuchiki, there is every chance that I may collapse during the race.
Ukitake: If I do, you should leave me behind!
Rukia: Captain, no! I will drag you unconscious to victory!
Ukitake: …
Ukitake: Please don’t I think I would end up very sad.
Rukia: Y-yes, Captain!

6. Hitsugaya & Matsumoto

Matsumoto: Do you think our height difference will slow us down, Captain?
Hitsugaya: No.
Hitsugaya: For when the race starts, I have a plan.
Matsumoto: Gonna go into bankai, huh?
Hitsugaya: …maybe.
Matsumoto: Bankai for a three-legged race?
Hitsugaya: MAYBE
Matsumoto: People say you overuse bankai, you know, Captain…
Hitsugaya: I JUST LIKE TO GIVE MY ALL

7. Shinji & Hinamori

Hinamori: Captain, I reeeaaallly don’t think we should try to do this race backwards.
Shinji: Momo, doing things in reverse is my specialty! I gotta reputation to uphold!
Hinamori: For losing all the time?
Shinji: …
Shinji: That was cold.
Hinamori: I’M JUST SAYING

8. Unohana & Isane

Unohana: Simply follow my lead, Isane, and I believe that we will win.
Unohana: Especially since all the other teams are wasting their time squabbling.
Unohana: This is the Squad 4 way.
Unohana: When everyone else has fallen, we are there. Still standing.
Isane: Y-yes, Captain!

9. Kyoraku & Nanao

Nanao: Did you look over the strategy documents I gave you?
Kyoraku: Uh…
Nanao: Did you watch the videos I sent you of people doing this race?
Kyoraku: Uh…
Nanao: Did you prepare at all?
Kyoraku: I stuffed my pockets with rose petals to throw overhead when we cross the finish line!
Nanao: Is it too late to trade partners?

10. Byakuya & Renji

Byakuya: These ropes that they gave us to tie our legs together are ridiculously low-class.
Byakuya: We should use my scarf instead.
Renji: Y-you would use your scarf for that, Captain?
Byakuya: No. That was a joke.
Byakuya: Just some three-legged race humor.
Renji: …I can just never tell with you.

11. Soi Fon & Omaeda

Soi Fon: You had better not slow me down, Omaeda.
Soi Fon: I will kill you and then drag your dead body over the finish line.
Omaeda: You, uh, know I’m actually really fast, right, Captain?
Omaeda: In fact, I think it would work best for me to carry you!
Omaeda: OH GOD PUT YOUR ZANPAKUTO AWAY

12. Kenpachi & Yachiru

Kenpachi: So basically you’re just gonna cling to my leg as I run, huh?
Yachiru: Yup!
Kenpachi: I have a very good feeling about this!
Yachiru: But the finish line is in the other direction, Ken-chan!
Kenpachi: …I have an okay feeling about this.

12. Kensei & Mashiro & Hisagi

Kensei: So here I am.
Kensei: One lieutenant tied to each leg.
Kensei: Do we now have four legs? Yes.
Kensei: Do the judges care? No.
Kensei: Because they say that it will be “so totally hilarious to watch.”
Mashiro: You better keep up, Shuhei! I’m SUPER at these races!
Hisagi: Yeah, well, I have LOTS of practice perfectly imitating Captain Muguruma’s walk, so I’m definitely gonna be more in sync!
Mashiro: Ha! No way!
Hisagi: Yes way!
Kensei: If only death would come.
Avatar
reblogged
Anonymous asked:

Hey, mods! Do you have any headcanons for my bae Hisagi? Like sfw, nsfw, family, friends, etc? ;p thanks!

Shūhei Hisagi:

• Cutest and best boyfriend ever!! He loves to treat his s/o to small surprises and gifts, beaming proudly every time he made his s/o smile with the gifts.

• He is so weird when around his s/o. He’ll do the goofiest and weirdest of things just to see his s/o laugh. Each time they did, he wrap his arms around them and kiss around their stomach and shoulder, tickling them gently to hear them laugh more. It’d also be a bonus if his s/o was weird like him, then he make it into fun little games or competitions to see who could be the weirdest… Basically, him and his weird s/o would be like Lizza and David

• Lazy morning cuddles and conversations. When both he and his s/o first wake up in the morning, he would bring them into his chest gently, stroking their back and just starting a conversation off air, just wanting to hear his s/o’s cute groggy morning voice.

NSFW•Vanilla bean babe. He just wants to please his s/o in any way he can without hurting them. His movements are slow and slightly hesitant, stopping his motions to ask if his s/o was okay with what he was doing. As he grew more sure of himself with his s/o’s help, he’d begin to pick up his pace slightly, but would make sure not to go too fast incase he ended up spoiling their pleasure or hurting them.

• Wearing lingerie or any type of revealing clothing is Enough to make him yours for the night. He’d be so entranced by how beautiful and sexy you looked in them, not being able to take his eyes off you. He’d let you guide him and do as you pleased, soon snapping out of his trance as he realized what was going on before becoming a moaning mess, his hands holding onto your hips tightly.

• His favorite position to have sex in is face-to-face on the edge of the bed, holding his s/o close as he rocks his hips into their’s, looking deep into their eyes with a fiery love.

Married/Family

• He is a great father and husband. He makes sure to do his part as a husband/father and takes care of the children if his s/o is too busy or is simply tired. He finds all sorts of ways to keep his children entertained and happy, using puppets, or toys, or the TV to occupy their time until it was Nap-Time.

• Overprotective of his family. Jeez, he worries so much over his family and needs to make sure he knows where they are at all times if he isn’t around. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if they ever got hurt or worse because he wasn’t there.

• He loves taking his family on vacations. He thinks they are good for bonding and creating new memories in places they have never been before. And since he’s such s little nerd, he gets little shirts or hats made for his family so that he can identify them if one of them ever slipped passed him. He’d take them wherever it is they wanted to go for their vacations, paying for it all by himself.

((Hope you enjoyed, boo~!! You’re more than welcome~!))

Avatar
Avatar
reblogged
Avatar
knb-writing

Hello! I hope I'm not too late? can I request a day out with nijimura, hayama, miyaji and akashi with their aggressive female yakuza!s/o who's constantly followed by her bodyguards? Thank you! Hopefully it's not too vague!

Avatar

Nijimura Shuuzou:

To be honest, Nijimura was usually more amused than intimidated by the presence of the two bodyguards that flanked you wherever you went. He’d seen enough movies in the States to be used to this, and besides, there was a pretty cool Men In Black vibe to it all.

“So has there ever been an incident where your bodyguards actually did anything?” Nijimura asked you in a low voice, and thankfully said bodyguards pretended not to hear his question.

You shot him a sideways glance, adjusting the strap of your satchel on your shoulder. “My father pays them to follow me around, but I’ve told him a thousand times that I can handle myself,” you said. “I…”

What happened next was almost like a scene from a movie, too - Nijimura heard the screeching of tyres and before he even had time to turn around to look, a black shape had flashed past and you gave an indignant shout as the motorcycle’s rider snatched your bag off your shoulder.

And then came the unexpected: with lightning-like reflexes, one bodyguard darted forward and seized the back of the motorcyclist’s neck, yanking him bodily from the bike and tossing him to the ground as the bike spun away, tumbling across the road.

Oh shit, Nijimura thought.

You, on the other hand, looked unfazed by the action, only angry as you stalked over to the thief, taking your bag and stomped, roughly, on the man’s hand. “Don’t you dare try that again,” you snarled. “Or I’ll make you regret it.”

Nijimura stood open-mouthed as you slung your bag on your shoulder again and dusted off your boot. “Shall we go?” you asked calmly.

“Er…yeah. So, uh, there’s this cat café I wanted to take you to…”

Hayama Koutarou:

Hayama’s first impressions of the professionally-suited men guarding you were composed of descriptions such as “awesome” and “cool” at first. That is, until they began to freak him out with their apparent lack of emotions and inability to comprehend “fun”.

“Hey, why won’t they play with us, too?” Hayama complained, spinning a basketball on one finger as the two of you sat side by side at the edge of a court. The two bodyguards were standing separately, each on one end of the outdoor basketball court. “It’s boring to play one-on-one, it’s much more fun to do a two-on-two.”

You rolled your eyes. “They’re being paid to protect me, not waste their energy to entertain my boyfriend.” You took a drink of water and stood up. “Come on, first to twenty points wins and pays for dinner?”

“Hey, no fair, your family gives you allowance! I have to earn my money!” Hayama stood up to join you in the middle of the court, only to stop when one of the bodyguards approached you as if he’d just materialised in the middle of the court.

“I’m very sorry to interrupt, ma’am, but we’ve received a report that the enemy is on their way here…”

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” You cut him off irritably. “You two can deal with it. That’s why you’re here, aren’t you?”

Looking startled, the bodyguard nodded quickly and made his way to his partner. Hayama stared at you, feeling slightly freaked out and just a little terrified. “They’d do that? Come and try to kill you? The enemy organisation, I mean. S-should I go?”

You smirked. “Nah, we’re good. They’ll take care of it. Don’t be such a scaredy-cat, Koutarou. I thought you were fearless.”

“I just don’t want to die!”

Miyaji Kiyoshi:

Miyaji had always been the type of person to take things upon himself. He felt that if he was entrusted with something, he would hold complete responsibility, no matter what.

Which is why he simply couldn’t see eye-to-eye with your bodyguards.

“The hell you lookin’ at, punkface?” He snapped, glancing over his shoulder at one of your guards. “Take your plain-faced ass farther away, can’t you see I’m spending time with ________?”

“Miyaji-kun, calm down,” you said impatiently. “They’re here to protect me, you—”

“You’re with me, I can protect you just fine!” Miyaji responded hotly. He narrowed his eyes at the men behind you, who were unfazed by his outburst. You took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“Look, I’ll tell them to keep watch further, but this is also an order from my father. I can’t really get rid of them.”

Miyaji rolled his eyes. “Have they ever actually done their job or are they just here for show? I don’t want them following you around and when something bad actually happens, they’re not up to the job.”

“They’re bodyguards. They’re more than qualified to take down any bad guys.” Even so, you motioned your bodyguards to come over and spoke to them in a low voice, and when they moved away, Miyaji was pleased to see that they were keeping their distance.

“There.” You looked at your boyfriend pointedly. “Far enough?”

Not as far as he’d liked, but it was something. “Far enough,” he chuckled. “Now, how do you feel about karaoke?”

Akashi Seijuurou:

When you met Akashi Seijuurou, he exceeded very expectation you had of the typical boy in this generation. He was clever, civilised, ambitious, and above all, equal to you in status as the future heir to the Akashi Corporation, a business comparable to the strength of your family.

And he, too, had bodyguards following him 24/7.

With a total of four bodyguards shadowing the two of you wherever you went, many places that you went for dates emptied quite quickly in your presence, with utmost comfort and security.

“Where shall we go today?” Akashi asked you during one such date, hand linked with yours as the two of you walked along the park lake.

“There’s a yakiniku restaurant I want to try, the one in the next block.”

Akashi nodded. “I’ll send one of my guards ahead to make a reservation.”

Even as he spoke, Akashi’s two bodyguards exchanged a few words and one gave Akashi a nod before swiftly walking ahead. You shot Akashi a sideways glance and beckoned your own bodyguards over. “I want one of you to go ahead to the restaurant as well. Clear the area if you must, I don’t want any trouble.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“There’s no need for that,” Akashi informed you almost sternly. “My bodyguard is more than enough to accomplish those tasks alone, without the help of yours.”

You smiled sweetly at him. “I’ll be the judge of that. Better safe than sorry, right?”

Akashi smiled back coolly. “As you wish, my love.”

Avatar
Avatar
Avatar
houkuaichuii

friendly reminder that the ‘canon’ ships aren’t the only reason why people are salty over the last chapter.

friendly reminder that there was character development worth fifteen years and it was basically all thrown away.

friendly reminder that plot holes are not overlooked, hence why 686 is loathed by so many people.

friendly reminder that not everyone is part of the ship wars, and they still hated the chapter.

friendly reminder that just because your otp became ‘canon’, doesn’t mean you should force everyone else to accept the shittiest ending of them all.

Seriously, pushing the entire shipping aspect of Bleach aside, it was still crap.

friendly reminder that everyone in Bleach deserved better.

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.
mouthporn.net