Murex Dibromoindigo

They should let Hunter Biden do a DJ set

Man is a fucking gaff machine. A flop joke that was a meta reference to an election that happened two decades ago. Jfc.

I didn't think I would live to see a VP pick as bad as Sarah Palin, but this might be it.

I do love Tumblr's isolation from some topics, but we're tragically missing out on the JD Vance couchfucking saga

OKAY I'LL SUMMARIZE

So JD Vance is Trump's veep pick to replace Mike Pence (who made the fatal GOP error of following the constitution on J6 2020 and not announcing Trump as eternal godking)

Overall, Vance's rollout since the GOP convention has been

not

great

Now, some important context is that a bunch of extremely sexist and off-putting video has surfaced from previous campaigns, podcasts, etc. For example:

This generated a lot of outrage, as you'd expect, and the current peak result of this quote is major news outlets talking about Jennifer Aniston calling him heartless. Vance's other quotes are driving a lot of news stories, they can be looked up, yadda yadda, but they're not really part of this particular saga.

No, what's really captured people's attention about Vance is this one tweet that someone dashed off:

Damn, it even has page numbers cited! It must be legit, right?

No. It's totally made up. But people wanted to believe, and boy, did they run with it. A sample:

Snopes chimed in with a factcheck on whether that text was in Vance's book, and no, it was not.

The Associated Press tried to do the same, but there's one problem: they phrased their headline a little differently.

And people pointed out that while you can objectively verify whether certain text is contained inside a book, you can't actually verify that Vance has never had sex with a couch! Whether for the AP realizing that they'd posted an unverifiable "factcheck" headline, or for an editor going "why the fuck did you write that in the first place," this soon happened:

Which means that if you try to visit the article saying that no, Vance didn't fuck a couch, you see this:

As many people immediately realized: it's funny to have the AP run its initial headline; it's fucking hilarious for them to pull the factcheck after its publication. The collective hilarity surged even higher.

So. Where things are by July 25th:

So yeah.

Vance's rollout has had some issues.

"kamala harris doesn't even have any kids, she can't lead the country" i'm sorry is this fucking warrior cats

SHE HAS TO FIRST TRAIN AN APPRENTICE AND SHE HAS TO RECEIVE HER LIVES FROM STARCLAN

*donald trump voice* now listen to this one folks. kamalaheart hasn't even mentored an apprentice. can you believe that? she was made deputy of americaclan and she hasn't even mentored an apprentice. you can't do that. and you know why? because that breaks the warrior code. joewhisker is breaking the warrior code

Did you know you can fit the entire Bee Movie script into the Trump 2020 election fraud website form? 

Oh Alex what did we do to deserve you? :)

get on your feet.mp4

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

Georgia & Pennsylvania doing THAT

Say what you do about the fucking state of things but I am in fucking hysterics over every single meme I come across. There are tears in my eyes and I haven’t laughed like this in ages.

me, watching the election: why tf is dracula trending rn

twitter:

(via @wickedoswald)

It’s weird cause, I went to bed on Nov 3th feeling very serious, anxious stressed. It’s now Nov 6th and I feel like I’ve snorted cocaine

Let’s be real, we didn’t have a November 3rd this year, what we have is a case of “It’s STILL November Threeth.”

biden still not canon huh

a shout out to those election workers still out there busting their balls for democracy to count every vote while the rest of us are waiting with our faces smooshed the glass a la the “pakidge?” meme for our president to be delivered

This will be relevant for 2 days so I had to post it now and I'm already late

Here's what we know so far.