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Axolotl Nom™

@nonbinary-axolotl / nonbinary-axolotl.tumblr.com

Hi I'm Dez, your friendly neighborhood suffering gremlin. (They/them, 25)
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Hi if any of you are following me bc I liked your destiny content, I have a destiny specific blog, @guardians-are-cats and that’s the one you probs wanna follow to stay in destinyland bc I don’t actually reblog much of that content to this one!

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the fact that Stardew Valley is a $15 indie game that came out almost a decade ago with zero microtransactions and is still receiving free DLC updates to this day is absolutely bonkers. There are $50-60 AAA games with paid DLC that have come out more recently and aren’t nearly as actively supported or updated.

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thinking about harvey stardew valley and being a rural country doctor with a caseload like:

  • guy who won’t accept any diagnosis except “you have consumption and need to go to the seaside for your health”
  • woman who asks what gemstone he would prescribe for her UTI
  • guy who spends half the day trying to give himself a concussion and the other half trying to blow out his hearing on his guitar
  • two people who have struggled with alcoholism for years but reject all of his resources for it UNTIL someone gifts them alcohol biweekly for a year straight and suddenly their lives turn around
  • guy who will not stop mailing people bombs but in a friendly way and like this just isn’t on the PTSD screener??
  • guy who won’t stop asking him vague but increasingly bizarre questions about the safety of truffle oil
  • woman who EATS ROCKS

and also there’s a fucking wizard. what’s up with that. how often do you think the man goes “why did i get an MD why didn’t i just train to be a wizard i didn’t even know that was an option” while performing emergency surgery on this one farmer who won’t stop picking fights with ACTUAL MONSTERS

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I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard

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Do you guys remember how kidnap fantasies were popular on wattpad because young girls and queer teens were both made to feel shame at the thought of their own sexualities, so the fantasy of being kidnapped totally against their will was a way for them to engage with a romantic or sexual fantasy without feeling morally in the wrong for doing so? Added bonus that the fantasy involved being whisked away from repressive environments like home or school, right?

Finding out that Bram Stoker was in a sexless marriage and that scholars believe that he very likely was closeted gay puts the entire book into perspective as to WHY it reads EXACTLY like a self insert wattpad Dracula kidnap fic:

“I TOTALLY love my wife and would never do anything that an upstanding Good Straight Working Man wouldn’t do but oh nooo, big strong man with broad back and strong enough arms to carry me back to bed like a princess trapped me and claimed me as his, completely against my will 👉👈 But he protects me against the bad evil sexual women (who I assure you, I am TOTALLY sexually attracted to, as any straight man with a choice would be) but trust me, I do NOT want ANY of this. What’s that? The Count is not capable of feeling love? Would be a shame if I had the special ability to change tha-”

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ardatli

This is also the fantasy behind all those old bodice-ripper romances that people today like to mock or call problematic, by the way.

“Oh, my next forty years are going to consist of nothing but washing dishes and keeping house and bearing children for the disdainful man I married right out of high school because my parents said college was for men and I had no other obvious life path open to me? What if a pirate captain thought I was worth stealing away from it all? [what if I ran away but no-one could blame me for leaving]?”

#i had recently similar realization when stumbling into pit of y/n x character stories about “your dad’s handsome best friend”#it immediately introduces age gap where the man (usually) is middle aged and generally experienced#and y/n is a young adult at best but always exploring their sexuality for the first time#of course part of why this trope is popular is that teens tend to have crushes on adults#but I kept wondering why it has to be dad’s best friend until it hit me: it’s about safety#person who is your parents friend is a person who isn’t scum bc otherwise your parents would be friends with them#they’re safe and not a predator preying on young and impressionable like a groomer might#they’re your parents friend so they care about you too#which makes the fantasy at the same time spicy (age difference) and safe (dad’s bestie can’t hurt you)#idk it’s just interested how sometimes our brains try to justify things to us

@thirstyforred i hope you don’t mind me pulling up your tags because you’ve made a GREAT point which I think is also echoed in the following tropes:

  • A teenage girl falls for her older brother’s cool skater friend who treats her like his princess (older cool guy who you know isn’t an asshole and won’t take advantage of you because your older brother wouldn’t be friends with him then.)
  • A lovely young maiden is totally nonconsensually kidnapped by a handsome alluring vampire who’s 150 years old but still looks 30 (again, hot older lad who’ll show you the ropes and treat you well and also touch on that “what if I’m worth stealing away” point from higher up in the post.)
  • Those romantic Hades/Persephone retellings where she goes willingly. The original myth is a story of a mother losing her daughter and shaking the skies and earth to get her back, but that doesn’t really resonate with teenagers who feel trapped with their parents and would LOVE it if a tall, dark and handsome stranger whisked them away from their house and to his spooky goth castle with a three headed dog to pet. The ideas that Demeter was a mean controlling helicopter mom and Perse a cool badass queen who hated going back topside have likely stemmed from this as well.

While irl age gap relationships very much have the potential to be predatory, it is worth recognising why some people consider them attractive in fiction and what these fantasies help them explore.

I’m sorry to bring up HP, but let’s take Snape, for example, since I remember him being a massive hot commodity back on 2012 Deviantart. I heavily doubt that most tweens girls who had a crush on Snape would actually want to get on with their teacher - it was just a fictional crush which allowed them to explore their likes and dislikes in a safe environment (and also let this man move on from his high school crush, which is also fair because let’s be honest he NEEDS to let go of it.)

So yeah, this post does put a lot of tropes and kinks into perspective, which I think is important because one’s squick is another’s fantasy, and neither of these people are inherently more/less virtuous/problematic for liking or disliking it. Fiction is fiction. Real life is real life. What is cool in a book isn’t necessarily what you’d like to experience irl and vice versa, and it’s good to bear in mind that people’s experiences are different than yours and their takeaway from a piece of media might be different from yours.

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dodobro

This reminds me of that deep dive post about the Labyrinth and how it came out in a time when girls weren’t supposed to like anything to do with sex. Yet here is an attractive older gent offering to give you everything and be your slave if you say yes and run away from your crappy family

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ancientson

I know this is meant to be funny but it actually makes such a good point about how ADHD and executive dysfunction can impact people in really major ways, including financially

and that fast food number should be much higher than $12.18

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stuckinapril

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u

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klapollo

Hana-Rawhiti Kareariki Maipi-Clarke, the youngest MP in Aotearoa, starts a haka to protest the first vote on a bill reinterpreting the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi

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The fact that you can’t raise taxes on billionaires even slightly without them pouring money into fascist political movements is, of itself, evidence that billionaires as a class shouldn’t be allowed to exist in the first place.

I’d just like to point out that every single thing that has happened in the 6 years since I created this post has only reinscribed its absolute moral correctness in my mind.

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Could you maybe reblog this post if you think respecting trans peoples' names and identities is a basic right and not a political opinion?

No pressure. Just seeking some validation of my sentiment. Due to some. people

everybody go home the best tag on this post just dropped

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grey-sides

Hi. Things are bleak, I know that. I know that we paid for Trump's last term with blood and it is likely the price will be blood again.

But listen to me. LISTEN.

You do not have to force yourself to witness horrors as an act of activism. It is not a form of activism. You can put your phone down, you can block that horrific video. We cannot win if you cannot fight and you will not be able to fight if you are hopeless.

Do not let them guilt you into this. People who are exhausted are easier to walk over. Take care of yourself, find community where you find joy.

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