hornyposts with pink text every 5 words are the fast food of tumblr

my greatest joy of tumblr is when I post something slightly kink adjacent and have someone named bellethefloof reblog saying how they wanna be railed while cumfuckslutboy gives a dissertation on the sociopolitical consequences of my claims

i find it so hilarious how tumblr seems to hornypost in the form of short argumentative essays

fun petplay idea:

have a movie night or marathon of a sort with your pet, starting very casual, but with the condition that they need to wear their collar the entire time.

at a random point while you're cuddling, or if they're about to get up to do something like go to the kitchen, stop them. then, walk up to them, and click a long, chain leash around their collar. say that you'll be guiding them around tonight.

while you're close together later, start sneakily wrapping some of the chain around your hand or arm. do it a few times until they decide to move around again, and let them realize that the chain has gotten shorter. the moment they point it out, yank them towards you and wrap it around again, one more time.

every time they hear the chain from now on, they'll be aware that their radius is shrinking and shrinking, forced closer and closer to you.

any time they disobey, wrap it around your hand.

any time they obey, wrap it around your hand.

any time they look at the leash, do it again.

find any reason to shorten it, and find them getting more and more puppylike as you do it.

get up randomly and decide to lead them somewhere, the place doesn't matter. do it without warning, without pausing the movie, and don't tell them where. if they complain, bring it closer.

by time the movie is getting near the end, their leash will be too. be constantly petting them and giving them attention, and after a while, start to wrap the remaining amount around in a steady rhythm. their head will be lead towards you; if they look away hold their chin and bring them to meet your eyes.

stare deeply into them with every final wrap of the chain. let them feel that inescapability. let them feel the submission. let them feel the slight fear, even.

and, right when they're face to face with you, breathing deeply and feeling your breath gently grace their face,

unclick the leash.

then, just see what they do next. it's sure to be fun no matter what.

I think one of the most reliable tests of honesty is asking if someone would want ears and a tail. Like, you're telling me you wouldn't want a tail? You'd be so adorable, getting complimented and having your tail go all crazy. Aww, look at you, your ears perked up so much, listening to intently to your owner. You're begging to get your head scritched. Come here, hun, just lay in my lap and drift off to sleep, feeling so happy to be nothing but an adorable little puppy.

If you're a puppy and have a bilingual (or more) partner, have them speak a language you don't know while you're down in Puppy Space. Puppies don't know human languages, so you'll be sitting there with your head tilted just getting pets and hearing tone of voice. You don't need to understand anyything, just being a Good Puppy.

Okay, Pups, I was informed by a fellow Pup of some very well made hypnosis audio files.

I'm unsure specifically how well known these are, but it's a series of two:

The Pet Test

and The Pet Test 2

These are 18+, but it doesn't focus strongly on sexual concepts. It's largely puppy euphoria, and holy fuck is it euphoric. I highly recommend.

The first is great, the second is transcendental. You need the first for the second, though.

God didn't give me a tail because she knew I'd be too powerful