my past is my own

 this is it..where i hold the Meetings..

tr*mp: “we (the us) have become a third world country”

every third world country:

tr*mp: “i have developed a bond with the African American community”

African American community:

tr*mp: “i broke the glass ceiling for women ”

Women everywhere:

tr*mp: “I love Mexicans”

Mexicans:

It got better

I love the idea that tr*mp now needs to be censored

Man. I feel so thirsty lately.  I can’t drink enough water. I feel like the senator guy in that X-Men movie after getting exposed to Magneto’s mutant machine, and he keeps drinking drinking drinking water uncontrollably until he dives into the ocean and becomes a terrifying jellyfish creature and explodes.  Freaking Magneto. I was already sympathetic to the mutant cause. Why you gotta hate?

You’re not a mutant, honey, you’re a mermaid.  It’s all right.  Once your scales start coming in, you won’t be as thirsty.

You know, being a diagnostician in a world with more public magical creatures must be a trip and a half.  

“Have you considered that you may not, in fact, actually be a mammal?”

“Okay, I’m going to have to refer you to a specialist. It looks like your tertiary dentition is coming in.” “I think we need to check for allergic reactions to silver, iron, a few types of wood, garlic, and holy water. That’ll help us rule out some possible causes for this rash. In the mean time I think you should avoid Italian food and holy ground.”

“Have you noticed clusters of birds following you? Were they corvids? Hm, interesting. You ought to come in to the office so we can discuss this further.” “That itching sensation might be a rash, but I think we ought to give you an MRI and see if you’re about to grow horns.”

So basically, medicine in the Dark Ages, upgraded.

This is literally my dream as a writer and my worst nightmare as a nurse

So I imagine a supernatural version of House where almost every episode someone is like “it’s lycanthropy” and the House character goes “it’s never lycanthropy” except for the one episode it is where the title of the episode is lycanthropy.

me: ugh I hate when female characters are created for fanservice

my gay ass: *sees Witch Mercy skin*

me:

Asexuals whose asexuality is caused or affected by trauma are 100% valid. I love you and wish you all the happiness in the world.

okay but watching the latest Trump meltdown is amazing since one of the primary defenses I’ve heard of his behavior is “all guys have said stuff like that”. after several years of “not all men” every time we try to talk about sexual harassment. suddenly it is, in fact, all men. that is some kermit-drinking-tea level cognitive dissonance. thank you and good night.

Schrodinger’s Pussy; no man has ever spoken ill of a woman until one is observed doing so–then it’s a universal behavior.

List one good thing that has happened in 2016 cause i cant think of one

Stranger things bro

Shit u right

I can’t believe Gabriel Reyes designed their superhero uniforms. I’ll never recover

(I’m sorry I looked at the leaks, Blizzard, forgive me I’m only human. Everyone go look at the genuine article with the original script!! “That’ll be the day” REYES PLEASE! PLEEEZE)

x

#OH NO #HOT DAD JOKES

when musicals have that one melody line thats so awesome

when musicals repeat that one melody line randomly throughout all the songs

when musicals have multiple melody lines and repeat randomly in all the songs

when musicals put one of their songs in another song that fits perfectly

when musicals repeat a melody line from earlier in the show but in a new darker sadder context

1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us

3) mostly mined with slave labor

4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don’t even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years

5) They aren’t actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated. 

Pro tip from a former Jared’s salesperson: You want a sparkly white rock that will look like a diamond to the untrained eye and will literally cost the price of a nice dinner for two? Created white sapphire. They’re lab grown and cost *pennies* to make, so you can get a 1 or 2 carat white sapphire for like… $30-80 probably. You can get one as huge as you like, perfectly clear, perfectly flawless. And no one will ever be able to tell the difference except a professional appraiser. Also, sapphires are the second-hardest gemstone (right after diamonds) so they are very durable! Very unlikely that they’ll chip or crack. Get that bitch set in sterling silver and you are GOOD TO GO. Whole thing should cost you less than $200 unless you get a fancy band with a lot of extra stones. Of course, created sapphires come in every color of the rainbow, so if you want something more exciting than plain white, you TOTALLY CAN. 

Created sapphires and silver: The poor Millennial’s engagement ring. 

THANK YOU EX-JARED’S BASED GOD. 

this was originally drawn on a project rubric

(x) my favorite part of this image is the flame-skirt #demonfashion

ok but the best part is

Hail Mary, full of Grace, PUNCH THE DEVIL IN THE FACE

“It won’t hurt you to be nice for one fucking second”

Adult women who date boys who are minors are just as pedophilic as adult men who date girls who are minors

Chewbacca has been around since Anakin turned to the Dark Side. Chewbacca has literally witnessed the whole Skywalker family fucking up the galaxy. When Ben was born, Chewbacca was probably just like :-)) can’t wait to see how this one fucks up

No wonder he’s always screaming

Another proof that white people are proud of their privilege.