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@nintendo-not-pls / nintendo-not-pls.tumblr.com

Co-Illustrator and Author of the Hazel comic series! Along with @knockknockitsnickels!
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greenteacology

Sometimes I get worried when I eat stuff like Oreos bc of all the crazy chemicals inside them but then I remember that one of the birds I work with follows me around just for the purpose of eating the soap I use to clean his enclosure, and he’s still still fine so me eating a few Oreos is probably Ok

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knockknockitsnickels
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neuters

i need both of these now

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lesbianmichelmishina

the reason these exist (iirc) is because peppa pig is banned in china for “promoting gangster attitudes”: peppa was popular (for whatever reason) with “shehuiren” (anti-establishment internet users), who made a lot of memes involving peppa and even got tattoos of her because it’s funny. the result of banning peppa is that shehuiren-types liked peppa even more afterwards, and now she’s a bit of a counterculture symbol in china. hence these shirts.

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setheverman

this is the EXACT kind of knowledge i absolutely had no idea i so badly needed

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chasekip

so they released a few videos on how pokemon follow behind you in Pokemon Let’s Go and its like:

Venusaur jumping like a frog!! good stuff i can support this

Electrode just slowly rolls behind you, can’t ask for much from this round friend!

…then it cuts to Caterpie and just

IT CANT EVEN KEEP UP. I’M DEAD SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THIS WORM

PICK IT UP OR SOMETHING AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SPEND THE WHOLE GAME CONSTANTLY SLOWING DOWN SO I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE GUILT OF LEAVING MY DEFENSELESS WORM BEHIND ME???

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crush-the-matriarchy-deactivate
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glumshoe

my friend’s very young daughter is apparently a huge nerd and asked for a “Spock-themed birthday party”

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presidentialspookwitch

She’s 3 going to be 4 and she demands a Spock themed party that only @souryellows is invited to.

The other day she got up in another kids face and chanted “we watch Star trek everyday because I love Spock”

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souryellows

when we tried to warn her that the ending of Wrath of Khan would upset her she ran over and yelled ‘Spock won’t die because I love him!’ (he died anyway. she was distraught)

also if you show her a picture of Spock and ask who he is she gets little hearts in her eyes and says dreamily “my boy”

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presidentialspookwitch

Also uh update she watched the Search for Spock yesterday and is fucking estatic about seeing Spock alive again.

But she now has an imaginary friend. Any guesses.

It’s Spock.

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glumshoe

The Spock party was a few months ago but it was grand. She squealed in earsplitting delight when I brought the cake out and made me carry her bridal-style around the house while singing the theme song.

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presidentialspookwitch

As an update, still having a Spock birthday party in October. And she also got a Spock build a bear a few weeks ago.

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glumshoe

live long and fucking prosper, kiddo

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knockknockitsnickels
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fiddler-on-the-starship

Whenever I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

  • Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
  • Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
  • Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.
  • There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.
  • Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
  • The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.
  • Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”
  • Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”
  • Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
  • Voldemort wears high heels.
  • Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
  • Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
  • Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?
  • The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.
  • Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”
  • Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
  • James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
  • Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
  • Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
  • Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
  • McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
  • Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
  • Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.
  • The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
  • Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
  • This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
  • And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
  • “Azerbaijan”
  • “Hoes of Wax”
  • “Tom Bombodil”
  • “Cornelio Fuck”
  • “Professor Slutborn”
  • “Preacher McGongol”
  • “Lumpkin”
  • “TaEbory”
  • “The Bark Lord”
  •  “Vadermort”
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medusa-must-live
Me: Music is the proof that magic exists. It’s a holy gift of Apollo, given to us for our joy, but always carrying the power to heal our souls and touch our hearts.
Also me: STACY’S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON!
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velveteen--daydreams-deactivate

There isn’t much to Rachel, Nevada (population: 54), the town closest to the secretive Area 51 military base. Not even a gas station. And there’s very little else to see along the Extraterrestrial Highway until you arrive here, so the lights of the Little A’Le’Inn are all that illuminate this desolate stretch of Nevada outback. 

Area 51 itself is difficult to find, as it’s not listed on maps, and the faint roads leading to its encircling barrier fences are rough and muddy. A traveler can only hope to spot something unexplained in the sky, but all we saw that day were thunderclouds carrying in a heavy rainstorm. 

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