this is so wild

Narration, in a serious, dramatic voice: We find no evidence paranormal activity inside this mine, but we do find an absolutely adorable kitty kitty.

Person on screen, using a baby voice: Hi little kitty kitty! Hi little kitty kitty! Ohh, you’re just a little kitty kitty!

some iconic dialogue that sounds like its from the great canon of literature but are actually from memes

feel free to add more!

• you kneel before my throne unaware that it was built on lies

- take this gift, for the gods surely won’t

Violence for Violence is the Rule of Beasts

I am a testament of your failures

You cannot kill me in a way that matters

Every last one of these matches an ego

Collecting pictures like these

My soul shall not find peace until i collect the whole fellowship and if i die before then i will simply keep walking the earth like the army of the dead

Conservatives after the youth turnout in the midterms:

Me, a millennial, after a decade of destroying golf, mayonnaise and diamonds:

yeah that’s gonna be an instant follow for me

Bruce Wayne Pleads City Yet Again To Stop Gerrymandering: “This might be what drives me to buy myself a fucking politician like everyone else in my social class,” says the philanthropist.

Bruce Wayne Says Luthor, Queen, Gates Could Stop Pandemic If They Took Action, Challenges Them To “Meet Me In The Pit”. 

 "If we fight with bo staff, I can defeat them in single combat while still maintaining social distancing,“ says Wayne, apparently not joking.

When asked if he thought Wayne was serious, son Jason Todd, 24, said, “Timbo’s the best with a bo staff, but Dad can and will bet up Lex Luthor. I’d be willing to open a betting pool. All the proceeds would go to pandemic relief in the Narrows.”

Mayor Says Red Hood Is Considered Essential, Not His Employees

“It wasn’t like I was gonna have them out there in this shit anyways,” says the druglord. “If anyone does, it’s Penguin or Mask. I’ve emptied out all my warehouses, and they’re open as shelters. Fuck the government.” When asked his opinion on the mayor declaring him essential as part of Batman’s team, Red Hood laughed.

Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn Beg Nightwing To Wear Actual Mask

“It’s like he doesn’t remember that time I almost died of a bioweapon,” agrees Red Robin.

Scarecrow Gives Up Fear Toxin, Saying 2020 Alone Is Enough For Him To Continue His Studies

CDC Warns Joker Safe Gas Masks Filter Gas Particulates, Not Viruses. Bruce Wayne Asks For 2 Weeks

i’m screaming..

social media is really so much

pay attention to the last sentence lads

If you like the word “queer” reblog.

This ABSOLUTELY works.

I have used this for many years. Definitely b do it.

This article was super long-winded so I screenshat the important part

the fact we’re responsible for getting doctors to “lower their defenses” in order to literally just do their jobs is ✨INFURIATING✨

Also have seen a tip where you say "My aunt so and so told me she had these symptoms before she was diagnosed with XYZ. It really scared me that hers almost got missed. Could we please exhaustively rule this out? It really messed her up because they caught it so late and I don't want that to happen to me, and hey, it might not be a bad idea to check that stuff anyway."

Ridiculous that we have to do this, but until medicine gets it's shit together we have to wrap what we already know in cheese, like you would pill a dog.

And yeah, bringing someone with you can help a lot, especially adult and traditionally masculine men. Disgusting!

I've started telling my friends "tell the doctor you've spoken with disabled friends and folks with the same symptoms if you can't say a family member" and most of the time the feedback was considered more often than not.

Doctor doesn't need to know your Aunt Janice is not real, just saying. I have a very imaginary sister.

Oh, of course, of course. That's actually important if you want to be taken seriously. Give Aunt Janice the worst symptoms.

ALL OF THIS also hey as someone who has been diagnosed with MS, pseudotumor cerebri, spinal stenosis, depression, anxiety, severe fatigue (and fatigue-based executive dysfunction), etc if you have questions about ANYTHING I HAVE TALKED ABOUT that you think you MIGHT have or if we share any diagnoses and you’re curious about my meds because you don’t think what you’re on is working, ask me. I will answer as soon as I have the energy and you can tell your doc that Aunt Nikki has (relevant condition) and noticed you also have (shared symptoms) so she’s been bugging you to ask about it, or that Aunt Nikki is on this other medication for the thing we’re both diagnosed with and for me it doesn’t cause the side effect we both get from that medication you’re currently on and unhappy with, ask your doc if they’ve heard of it/what their thoughts are on it (don’t directly ask to try it, that can get them back in defensive grump mode) half the meds I’m on are because someone else I knew who ALSO didn’t do well on what I was previously prescribed were doing better on another thing, so I asked. a lot of them were newer treatments my doctors hadn’t thought of or didn’t know about. one of the more chill neuros I see straight up pulled out his phone and asked me to spell the medication I was asking about bc he hadn’t heard of it but he knew that the issue I was having with my current script was a common complaint and IMMEDIATELY wanted to know more about this other medication (I left with a script for it THAT DAY and at a follow up like six months later he remembered and THANKED me for telling him about that new medication because he’d been able to read up on it and offer it to several other patients, a few of them calling his office within 2 weeks of the new medication to let him know what a huge difference it made for them and I almost happy cried, ngl). 

ISABELLA ROSSELLINI — Death Becomes Her, 1992

I’m absolutely losing my fucking shit over this oh my god

this was the first Danhausen singles match I ever watched and it was absolutely bonkers start to finish 10/10 no notes

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

I am in love with you /p

yo stop what ur doin rn and wish my man godzilla a happy birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY U FUNKY LITTLE LIZARD

some dudes like to talk a big game about how comedy suffers when people are afraid to offend but man, Mitch Hedberg was a white dude working in the era of peak offensive edgelord and his shit holds the fuck up so while most comedians will never come up with anything as timeless as “if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up” they could at least make an effort

- “Rice is great when you’re you’re hungry and you want 10,000 of something”

- “Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall”

- “I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man. I don’t know how I get away with it”