It’s very weird to me that you reached out to inquire about photographing your best friends wedding, after asking for a break from our friendship.
It’s very weird to me that you kept calling me your best friend, kept saying that we’d be best friends forever, and then as soon as I acknowledge a shift, you pull back
It’s very weird that you can have these big emotions and expressions of self but when I did it, it made you uncomfortable and I had to shrink myself to make room for you.
It’s very weird that you find me useful from all angles , but, can’t provide that same level of service to me, because you can’t be that person.
It’s very fucking weird that I felt like I couldn’t be honest with how your behavior hurt me, in fear of you leaving, only to still have you leave, regardless.
It’s all…very fucking weird, and, I see, now, that I was the weird one. Hoping that I would be valued & supported, in the same way I showed to others. But, other people aren’t going to think like me. So, why not give myself that support, uplift myself and honor my worth, without the expectation of others.
At least this way, I know that I was true to me, that that validation can only be given to me, by me. Without diluting my voice and hiding in myself, I can give me what I’ve been desiring from others and as I do, I can then feel, grow, root, branch, blossom, into me.