I-I'm sorry but I can't stop thinking about this

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"it's that fuckin chocolate guy again!!" I say, already knowing I'm gonna reblog

My Godddd

W I T C H C R A F T

You Can't Force Competency

The party is headed deep into the swamp, where they’ve been told they’ll find a hydra that needs to be slain.  For several sessions they’ve been doing their best to get there, and “We still haven’t fought the freakin hydra!” is becoming a party meme.  This session, as it turns out, is no different, when the DM informs us that we suddenly hear quiet muttering ahead.  Now, I’m playing Alex, a wild mage with a whopping +0 wisdom, and reputation for getting very good rolls, very bad rolls, but almost never average ones.  The party warily draws nearer to the voices, Alex slinks off to look for cover to see what’s going on, and that’s when I hear the dreaded…

DM: Okay.  Alex, make a wisdom saving throw.

Me, not about to heck around with a wisdom save: Aight, I’m using tides of chaos to get advantage on the roll. -rolls a 5 on both dice- …frick.

This leads to Alex falling under the control of an enemy NPC and promptly getting forced to attack his friends.  I’m panicking, because there is now a powered up wild mage in play who can’t control his own actions, but apparently this also freaked out the enemy NPC, because instead of relying on Alex’s casting, the NPC instead directs him to use his crossbow on the party- thus avoiding activating his wild magic.

There’s one other thing Alex is famous for: Never hitting shots with his crossbow.

Thus follows the WORST string of rolls I’ve seen in a while.  Alex proceeds to beef wisdom save after wisdom save, but fails his crossbow shots every bit as badly.  Multiple nat 1s were rolled.  After four rounds of this, the tense situation is rapidly turning hilarious as the party realizes that the enemy leader is doing far WORSE trying to force Alex to fight his friends than he would have if he just fought them himself.

Enemy Leader: How are you this incompetent??  Gah!  I’m calling someone who can actually do this right! -calls for backup-

Alex: You might be able to force me to fight my friends, but you sure as heck can’t make me hit them!

HUFFLEPUFF: “You know, I’m really easy to get along with most of the time. But I don’t like bullies, and I don’t like threats, and I don’t like you.” –Chris Abbott (Kathryn Janeway: Star Trek Voyager: State of Flux)

This is the /an/ post that keeps on giving.

I don't know how else to describe this...

At our first session I (DM) was describing the interior of a cave. All of this conversation happened OOC.

DM: You enter the mouth of the cave. There’s a river flowing out from the mouth that winds upstream through a tunnel that curves out of sight. There’s a walking path to the right of the river. The walls are about 20 feet up to a stone ceiling and it’s super dark when you walk in past the mouth. All you can hear is the rushing river

Player 1: I’m sorry I don’t get it, could you describe where we are again?

DM: (Rephrases most of what I previously said)

Player 1: I’m just having trouble picturing it. I’m not sure what you mean by “a cave”

DM: I don’t know how to describe this other than “a cave”. Imagine a room, but all the walls, floors and ceiling are made of stone…

Player 1: It’s just, I’ve never been in a cave in real life before so I’m having trouble imagining it

Player 2: Strap in, because I think we’re going to run into dragons in this game and I’m pretty sure you haven’t seen those in real life either

Nari in Wizards ‘Castle Attacked’ clip

When your whole squad backs you up in a fight but you music af.

Thanks for 1,000 notes guys 💕

i’m just mad that they were able to hide 2 whole people + trombones behind one person that’s amazing

when everyone in the campaign is a bard

Close enough

Me

If my lips ever left my mouth, packed a bag and headed South, that'd be too bad. I'd be so sad.

That be too bad youd be so sad?

That'd be too bad.

If my lips said adios, I don't like you, I think you're gross, that'd be too bad. I might get mad.

That be too bad, you might get mad?

That'd be too bad.

If my lips went to Deluth, left a mess and took my tooth that'd be too bad. I'd call my dad.

That be too bad, you'd call your dad?

I'd call my dad

HOLD IT!

Did you say your-- father?

Facinating!

So what your saying is if your lips left you...

That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad, I might get mad, I'd call my dad, that'd be too bad.

That be too bad?

That be too bad

Why?

Because I love my lips!

Bebadee bap do beedap do, yeeda boop bap bop baddle boo, yabba da ba bop baddle Dee Doo deeba da ba boo Dow.

Yabba dab dab blblblblblbrm, leeble leeb labble, lblblblblblb lblblblblblb lum

Oh my.

This is more serious than I thought.

Larry, what do you see here?

Um, that looks like a lip

And this?

It's a lip!

And this?

It's a lip, it's a lip, it's a lip lip lip

It's a lip, it's a lip, it's a lip lip lip

It's a lip, it's a lip, it's a lip lip lip

Liiiiiiiiips, lip lip lip

Larry, tell me about your childhood.

When I was just 2 years old I left my lips out in the cold and they turned blue. What could I do?

They turned blue what could you do?

They turned blue.

On the day I got my tooth I had to kiss my great aunt Ruth. She had a beard (and it felt weird)

She had a beard and it felt weird?

She had a beard.

10 days after I turned 8, I got my lips stuck in a gate. My friends all laughed. And I just stoodthereuntilthefiredepartmentcameandbrokethelockwithacrowbarandIhadtospendthenextsixweeksinliprehabwiththiskidnamedOscarwhogotstungbyabee-right on the lip-andwecouldn'teventalktoeachotheruntilthefifthweekbecausebothourlipsweresoswollenandwhenhedidstartspeakinghejustspokePolishandIonlyknewlikethreewordsinPolishexceptnowIknowfourbecauseOscartaughtmethewordforlip,

Your friends all laughed... Usta.

How do you spell that?

I don't know

So what your saying is that when you were young...

My lips turned blue, what could I do? She had a beard and it felt weird, my friends all laughed...

I'm confused...

I

My

Yblblbdee do be do...

Uh Larry... Larry- Wait Larry Larry I- I've got enough thank you!

This has been Silly Songs with Larry! Tune in next time to hear Larry say...

Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?

So, my character I’ve wanted to roll for about 2 years now finally makes his debut in my friend’s campaign. He’s a dragonborn bard of lore with an 18 INT and what’s basically a Batman Utility Belt made by Kevin McCallister. In my first session, he joined the party wanting to charter their ship. They asked him to participate in a tournament with them for a festival.

Many things happened, but perhaps the best was the second monster the party had to fight. As my DM is about to reveal the monster, she starts cracking up.

“Cody, I want you to know I planned this encounter back in August.” (It’s early January at the time)

Me: “Oh fun.”

Out comes a behir. In Draconic, it says “mmm, dragon. I haven’t had that in ages.”

Svelahmadeec (me): “And you won’t be having it today, either!”

The behir goes first on initiative. It hits with its wrap, squeeze, and bite, immediately taking “‘Deec” down to 0 HP, swallowing him whole like K in MIB. The party then collectively goes “o shit SAVE THE GREENHORN” and rushes to kill and bisect the behir before 'Deec can die from being digested.

The tournament was for a festival, so they had arrangements to keep people from dying. As Svelahmadeec is healed by clerics, he sits up and just says “alright, I stand corrected.”

You're ac is WHAT?

Background: A GM and several players, many of which own their own homes, one of which had some work done on their house recently.

DM: “So what’s your AC?”

Player: “30,000.”

DM: “Your armor class is what?!”

Player: “BTU? OH! 19.”

DM: “That’s better.”

Player: “Not in the summer.”

(For note: BTU is a measure of how effective an air conditioner unit is… )

Oh my god?!?

Casual reminder each bending style was inspired and based on Asian martial arts forms, and the show's creators did thorough research in each one and brought experts to make sure they got it right.

One of the best relationships in visual media, and if not the best redemption arc too

Yeah, yeah, Katara is a very motherly person who is often the emotional support of the group and she’s kind and hopeful and all that. But a lot of people forget my girl is straight up FERAL for JUSTICE. She challenged a waterbending master to a duel with barely any training because she thought he sucked and his ideals sucked! She got herself captured and imprisoned just to start a revolution on a prison ship! She came across a small town suffering from polluted water and she blew up a whole factory and then scared the SHIT out of fire nation soldiers with her Painted Lady cosplay! Even outside of the Southern Raider’s episode, my girl will GLADLY come for blood and she deserves recognition for this.

You have to admire her audacity, if nothing else.

Literally my favourite thing about Rogue One is that it makes the opening of New Hope so funny. Like, Vader has followed Leia from a planet he just blew up seconds ago and pursued her across the galaxy and then she’s just like: ‘I’m on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan’

Vader: You’re a rebel. I just had a fight with your entire rebel fleet and followed you here. Straight from the rebels. Of which you are a part

Leia: *dramatic gasp* rebel? Me???  I was just passing through. Diplomatically. Thought it was a five-space-ship pile-up or something going on there… 

death star plans? on my alderaanian diplomatic mission? it’s more likely than you think

ok but this is like legitimate Canon Improvement because I’d always wondered why Vader was so wildly furious at the start of the movie like “rahhhhh bring me the passengers I WANT THEM ALIVE!!!!” and now I’m like

ohh yeah okay they literally JUST blew up Vader’s base, stole his sh!t, and took off while giving him the finger from the window

Leia: speeds away in her ship with the death star plans while giving Vader the middle finger

5 minutes later: rebels?? i have never heard of them before and how DARE YOU

'No you're not.'

Zuko's line in Part 3 of Sozin's Comet always stuck with me for a few key reasons.

So imagine my shock when this same exchange happened between Ezran and Viren. As Ezran is being locked up and Viren is being allowed to walk free, Viren says he's sorry things turned out this way and Ezran says those exact words: 'No you're not.'

Any relationship Ezran and Viren may have had was destroyed the moment Viren sent his children after him. This is not just a power struggle, but one of the saddest impacts of the world they live in and Harrow's death. In another life Viren may have stood proudly beside Ezran and supported him as he supported his father before him. But in their world that is impossible.

Ezran and Viren were on different paths a long time ago and this moment was simply the nail in the coffin. Ezran sees through Viren now, after all he has been through, and he knows Viren doesn't mean a word he's saying. For a child, he is astonishingly wise.

The parallel between these two scenes was something it took me a couple of watches to notice, but I'm so glad I did.