god there really isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think about this

Just dudes bein bros

opposites attract | pens vs jets, 23 jan 2022

This is the real photo

Who on God’s green earth photoshopped their butt cracks to be larger and smaller. Why would anyone do this.

X

Map of the US by a truck driver who has seen most of it…

This is DEFINITELY someone I call an expert.

I’m desperate to know who Gary is. So I can also avoid him.

Song starts at 2:30. If I have to have it stuck in my head, so do you.

every episode of spn is like okay we’re gonna spilt up dean you go confront an element of the narrative that will make clear how the abuse you endured as a child continues to harm your self worth and makes you repress every desire you’ve ever had. sam you go interrogate the milf

#now now let's be fair about this #sometimes the episode is like okay we're gonna split up. sam you go connect to a character that has qualities considered monstrous #that will make it clear how the traume youv'e endured throughout your life continues to convince you that you are only meant for sacrifice #dean you go get hit on by men (via @sammysundaynatural)

#alternatively#sam you go do in depth research to prove you were going places and had a future before it was uprooted by your destiny#dean you go interrogate the twink (via @nyamafriend​)

and hilariously that is not why it is called that.

It is the circle of the bears cause of ursa major and ursa minor, and the circle without bears cause ya'know opposite part of the sky.

We lucked right into that one....

#so what you’re saying is#the stars dictate whether bears do or do not exist in places

Astrology is real but only for predicting where bears will be

Venn diagrams don’t really work past 3 circles.

4-circle Venn diagrams are problematic because they don’t include the intersections of opposite circles without also including one of the other two circles (in this example there’s no AC or BD)

The problem only gets worse with more circles.

You could solve this problem by using different shapes, like ovals

obsessed with the line “if i can continue to be a minor nuisance to the forces of nature trying to decompose me, i’m gonna consider that a win. the wheel of time will continue to turn, and i with it, like a nail in a tire”

@thebibliosphere Mom this video gives me very strong “you” vibes XD

@theshitpostcalligrapher This whole thing seems RIGHT up your alley, but especially “The Wheel of Time will continue to turn, and I with it, like a nail in a tire.”

I-

thank you twitter, this is the only recommended topic post I’ll accept

You think that’s bad? At my work I do noncon! (I ship items that are non-conveyable on moving belts)

Y-you ship noncon…

*sigh* this is where the call out post starts, isn’t it

Pens fans right now

Admitting my star sign was a mistake.

“Oh, so that’s why you are they way you are. You’re two fire signs ruled over by water!”

Pretty sure it’s just the ADHD.

A fun thing to do whenever someone asks you your sign is to lie about your birthday. It still means listening to them attempt to explain your entire personality badly for a few minutes, but then you can undercut them as soon as it gets too annoying. 

So, for a while I was doing mailroom/account followup work for a nonprofit, and on my firt day there, one of the ladies, “Debbie” asked me when my Birthday was. Assuming she was planning office Birthday parties, I told her.

The next day she came in with my ENTIRE star chart with personality tropes, life advice, predicitons for my future and so on. Now, I don’t go in for Astrology but I can tell when someone is making a well-meaning gesture and I can say “Thank you” and shut up.

Especially because I told her the Wrong Birthday.

See, my birthday is in the middle of a cluster of a whole bunch of family birthdays and growing up I used to have to share my Birthday with my older cousins and while that’s not really a big deal (even fun if you’re older) it kinda sucks when you’re five and none of your cousins share your interests.

So mom made a deal with me: We’d celebrate my “Un-Birthday” in January, when nobody else in the family has a birthday or anything else, and the “real” birthday would be my Cousin’s. I got my own birthday and they got a second party and it was fun.

As I got older, I just started using my Un-Birthday for everything except paperwork, becuase January is boring and bereft of holidays except the one that’s really part of Xmas these days. On paperwork, I put my real one, but I’ve been celebrating my birthday in the wrong month for over 25 years now, and didn’t think about it when she asked, and told her my Un-Birthday.

And for a few weeks everything was fine.

But Debbie had a RIVAL.

Another woman in the office “Sharon” was also big into Astrology and was convinced Debbie was Doing It Wrong, so when she was going over payroll, she saw my Legal Birthday, realized Debbie had filled out the chart wrong, and then proceded to drag Debbie on the company facebook group, and a bunch of astrology groups they were both in.

I found out when I came in three days later from a long weekend and Debbie burst into tears and sobbed “HOW COULD YOU LIE TO MEEEEEE???”

After an extremely garbled recounting by our coworkers, a talk with my manager about “Hey yeah I don’t think it’s Legal for Sharon to take my name and date of birth from Payroll and put it all over facebook?”, the manager had a talk about “I know you are all over 50 but this is NOT WHAT THE COMPANY FACEBOOK IS FOR”, Sharon was ‘removed from the premesis’ and I finally got to sit down with Debbie.

I explained the slip-up and how I sort of have two birthdays and think of the January Birthday is my “Real” one.

Debie looked up from where she’d been sobbing into her tissue all morning, realization dawning on her less like the illumination of the sun and more like a baby sea turtle headed in the wrong direction because of light Pollution.

“Oh!” She said “You’re TRANS-ZODIAC! You might have been born as an Aries, but you’re really a Capricorn!”

As someone who’s been hit by a minivan and gotten a minor skull fracture from it, I’m pretty sure hearing that sentence gave me more brain damage.

“Sure Debbie.”

You know, I had no idea where this ride was going to take us, but of all the outcomes I expected, that was not it.

What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck.

Listen. I think I just unlocked a new emotion.

I used neuralblender.com to try to produce AI art of @pangur-and-grim 's weasel cat.

Here are my results, in chronological order, rated.

This one is clearly a cat, but also clearly a sad little man. Perhaps it is sad about the wall, which is carpeted in pink shag. It isn't Pangur, but is less disturbing than CATS 2019. I like the jaunty goatee but the eyes haunt me. 3/10

This has the requisite silken weasel texture, those are some lovely locks. I do not like how deflated it looks, or the matted bit of hair on the lower right, but overall, I feel that this does evoke something VERY Pangur-like, and I love the ears and flowing mane. Still, I think this thing may be more of a Thurston. 8/10

Oh dear. Let me describe this. A human-sized white-furred entity ("Pangur") with black forearms and hands is holding down a smaller creature. The Pangur-form is blurry, as though it isn't all present on this plane. The black void of its face is pointed downward at the unresisting creature beneath its hands. Another furry creature looks on, seemingly interested. A different, meaty part of the void-faced Pangur demon has graphically extruded into reality above the scene, and is voiding unfiltered olive oil onto the bed. The person clearly asleep under the covers does not notice ANY of this. I cannot rate this, it would be irresponsible.

Now this is wholesome! I wanted to see if we could evoke Pangur without using her name and behold! We have summoned a relative and a friend... maybe two friends? Whatever. They all look very friendly, though the orange and white fellow seems to have dropped some DNA. What we have here are pretty ordinary ferrets. 8/10

OH!!! The pink wall has reappeared! And you can tell by the signature at the lower left this is glamour photography of a purebred...entity? I know that Pangur has no rings or stripes but this image evokes her length and her peculiar creeping posture, as well as her many legs. Most importantly, this creature is beautiful. I feel it has come closer than any of the others. 10/10

And, finally, I wanted to see what it would come up with for the most direct description I could devise, and what I got were a couple of nice young ladies wearing sheet-ghost costumes for Halloween. The one on the left is also wearing a crown. I don't feel they are horrible in any way. 0/10 for adherence to the prompt, 12/10 for adoptability, these are the most normal animals here.

Thank you all for your time.

@pangur-and-grim

loons’ legs are positioned so far back on their bodies that they are incapable of standing or walking on land

in fact one major cause of death is from them mistaking wet pavement for bodies of water and trying to land on it, causing them to be stranded and vulnerable because they can’t take flight or move beyond a weird scooting crawl

Is it possible if (somehow) someone encountered one in that situation to help it picking it up and hold it high in the air? Would it be able to take flight then?? Like if you just hold it up?

No—they have to have a sufficiently large watery runway to get up to speed for takeoff. If you find one away from water, you could take it to a rehabber since it may have been stranded for a while and starving or injured, but they’ve really got to be released on lakes, huge ponds, or wide, slow-moving rivers.

like look at this shit

Can confirm -- Loons are the weirdest creatures. When I was a Naturalist living at a Raptor Rehab center they took one in because it had "landed" in a hot parking lot. It stayed overnight and I was greeted at Lunch to, "DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE LOON IN OUR TUB???" and of course I was like, "...HELL YEAH!"

aw man I’d kill a man to see a loon in a tub :(

lest we all think poorly of loons, remember that they are water birds adapted for diving, at which they are extremely good:

and unlike penguins, they can still fly! 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

So: in Canada, there are many lakes. Loons can land in small lakes but they cannot take off from small lakes. This makes small lakes a loon valve, and at equilibrium they accumulate loons.

There is a job in canada for a guy who goes around to the loon trap lakes, gathers the stranded loons, and moves them to a takeoff-compatible body of water.

the loon harvester, the loonbus, the loon collector

I take it back, loons are an evolutionary mistake, because that’s a stupid as hell problem for a bird to have and stellar diving adaptations do not make up for Lake To Small Syndrome.