my body is no longer his temple;

Bruce Wayne, Talia al Ghul and their son Damian Wayne/al Ghul.

Name a more good-looking family, I’ll wait.

bruce: they're going to kill you, jay

jason: not if i kill them first

DC Fantasy Alternate Universe

(I’d love to make a whole comic about this au, but I do not have the time… so here are the character designs instead!)

jason todd decides to live tweet his family falling apart instead of helping | a social media au

#IsBruceWayneBatman: a social media au | Part I

Jason Todd (coughs)

Tim Drake: DO YOU HAVE CORONAVIRUS???

Jason Todd: What? No! It was just a-

Dick Grayson (wrapping Jason in a blanket and dousing him in disinfectant): DON’T WORRY, JASON, YOU’LL GET THROUGH THIS

Jason Todd: STOP

Damian Wayne (unsheathing his katana): He must be sacrificed, for the good of humanity

Damian: “I can excuse homicide, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!”

Tim: “You can excuse homicide?”

Damian: “I can excuse fratricide, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!”

Tim: *Googles fratricide*

Tim: *Horrified gasp* 

Damian: “I can excuse patricide, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!”

Tim: *Hands Bruce an open dictionary*

Bruce, after reading the definition: “Son….”

Damian: “I can excuse Senicide, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!”

Alfred:

tim drake convincing batman to let him be the new robin:

why do people think jason is the rebellious son? it's clearly dick.

jason's end as robin wasn't his or Bruce's choice, just the circumstances of vigilantism. when he forges himself a new identity it's not out of a drive to be different but out of necessity because he died and someone else is now robin and that makes sense.

dick on the other hand. he fights with bruce, he argues, he rebels. when he's kicked out for disagreeing with bruce, for not dedicating his life to gotham and bruce's cause like Bruce wants him too (a rebellion), he goes out and gets himself a new name. a kryptonian name. (not only that but nightwing meaning the catalyst for change is such a Rebellious Iconography). he's constantly the one to call bruce out on his bullshit. he's the golden boy not because he's obedient, but because he's not. because he knows better. because he'll do what he thinks is right, batman be damned.

tl;dr dick is the rebellious batson not jason, and this is the hill I will die on

but can your comic book batfam do this?

Bruce Wayne is so dumb. Billionaire playboy bachelor is such a stupid cover when stressed single parent is not only the truth but also easier to explain to all these rich folks.

@fialleril

Busted ribs?

Yeah, my second child jumped into my bed this morning. Feet first.

Black eye?

That would be the milk my oldest spilled on the floor which he forgot to clean up before I slipped on it and went head first into my wool carved cabinets.

You just disabled this bomb???

Yeah, my third kid build a working model and we didn’t have time to call the bomb squad so I made sure if he does something like that again, I know how to deal with it.

Your vast knowledge of rockets and space ships?? 

Also my third child. Timmy’s so smart, honestly, I have no idea where he gets all this stuff.

Why are you able to understand that strange magic person who’s only speaking in Old English?

Jason went through a phase.

Why is your youngest carrying swords around and shouting death threats?

I slept with a rich, Middle Eastern king’s daughter and I didn’t get custody until he was 10. Damian was raised very…traditionally.

You backflip??

Dick’s a circus acrobat and an Olympic class gymnast. He looked so happy when he said he could teach me, I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

You have huge dark circles under your eyes, you okay?

I haven’t slept in three days, the kids are all down with some kind of sickness.

Why is that small child covered with bruises and why is his arm in a cast?

Dick thought it would be fun to swing from the chandelier in the main entrance, to the top of the banister of the stairs and to slide down to the bottom.

He missed.

Okay but consider: a Bruce Wayne who uses the dumb bachelor cover up until Dick’s first science project living with him and Bruce has the light bulb moment while Alfred is treating the burns

Person: Did… Did Jason come back from the dead?

Bruce: He got mad at me, talked to some people, faked his death because he’s a teenager, and dyed his hair.

I’m still trying to get him to therapy with me to work it out.

this post

tim: damian doesn’t smile

dick, bringing out his full album collection of candids of damian punching people in the face and having the time of his life, a paper taped on the cover with a handwritten ‘Lil D Being A Big D’: then what do you call this