Seriously though. Can you imagine how much it irks Carlisle that you can't perform autopsy and dissection on vampires? That if you don't incinerate all the parts right away, they just start reassembling? Like, there are so many things the dude wants to know about vampire physiology—exactly why do they glitter? How much of a digestive system is actually in there? What on earth is going on in their gonads?—and he can't cut anybody up to find out.
I always like to think this is part of the chaotic relationship that he has with Emmett; that Emmett is the one person in the family to whom Carlisle can go, "Can I rip off your leg at the femur? For an hour" and Emmett is like, "Sure, if you let me look."
joking aside, I don't think Esme would have been that surprised to discover that Carlisle was uncircumcised, as less than 50% of American men would have been in the 1920s, and the practice remains extremely uncommon in most western countries outside of the USA today...realistically it's likely that out of all the Cullen men only Emmett would be cut, and statistically speaking - since vampires thrive in less sunny climes, which are also the places least likely to practice circumcision (though I would surely love to know more about African vampire culture!) - the majority of vampires would be uncircumcised, so I doubt Carlisle would have the inclination to change that even if he could
not that I've uh...looked into this or anything...
Thanks for this! 😁 It really was just a joke for dramatic effect; don't take it too seriously. Please ignore it if you don't like it.
But if you want to discuss this issue academically, data and time periods don't always accurately reflect individual experiences, and we need to consider class and social background. During the 1880s and 90s, physicians began to use circumcision on infants as a preventive operation. So, Edward would most likely to be the only Cullen male circumcised?Middle and upper-class people were more open to circumcision due to medical recommendations as it became associated with upper/middle-class cleanliness and preventive health care. Edward was most likely born in a hospital and then circumcised for the purpose of pediatric care to prevent disease (one of the 30 percent in 1900s)
Now, let's consider the fact that Emmett was born into a Scotch-Irish family of hunters. He was most likely born at home in 1915 without easy access to physicians or regular professional medical care. Moreover, circumcision was not religiously necessary for him. According to the official guide: "He had what his parents considered a wild adolescence; never one to worry about consequences, Emmett ran with a wild crowd that drank, gambled, and womanized." His parents were not strict enough to care about the need to prevent him from masturbating, nor was the cost of circumcision a necessary expense.
Yes, Esme would likely not be surprised. For Esme, she probably heard about how many people were or were not circumcised. But compared to the numbers, the visual image determines whether or not she'd be curious to stare at Carlisle's genitals the first time around. The question then becomes: is Carlisle's similar to her ex-husband's? We don't know much about Charles Evenson's background, and it's unlikely that he was circumcised as an infant. What about undergoing the surgery as a young adult? Was it possible that he was stupid enough to think that being circumcised would reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections or that he developed inflammation or infections of the penis? Other than that, he should be uncircumcised. Anyway, it's just an evil headcanon of mine that I kinda like: crazy Evenson who had penis problems and suffers from a crisis of masculinity got himself circumcised, and Esme stared at Carlisle's penis that is completely different from her ex-husband's in terms of shape, length, girth…😈
Haha, Carlisle certainly wouldn't bite off his foreskin! You're right he had no excuse to do so. Another joke/headcanon of mine is: when the trend emerged in the 1880s and 1890s, and into the 1920s when it started to become a common medical procedure, and when Carlisle frequently saw articles and advertisements recommending the procedure, would he have wondered what it would look like if he had been circumcised? How should this procedure be performed if a vampire has phimosis? It looks like teeth might be the only option…💀
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Carlisle and Esme love Abba and no I will not elaborate on that, I will just throw one of my comfort headcanons out there (Emmet 100% does join them if he comes home and they are listening to it or singing. He also dances.)
Don't know why I'm thinking about the five stages of trauma and the Cullen kids: Alice-Denial; Rosalie-Anger; Jasper-Bargaining; Edward-Depression; Emmett-Acceptance?
Art Representation of the Cullens and Their Dark Human Pasts
I have a headcanon that Esme keeps candles around the house. Occasionally lighting them for the scent and the ambiance.
Emmett then plays with the flame like a child.
ohohoh I love this!!! 💖💖💖Esme certainly has a nostalgia for candles! Most farmhouses had no electricity in the 1910s, and much of her childhood was spent in the flickering light of kerosene lamps and candles.
also feeling that candle is a carlesme thing. It gives so much gentle, warm, horny and sexy vibes. This headcanon got me thinking that Esme's husband, the son of a 17th-century priest still loves candles and smells like them. And how many times did Esme light candles because she missed the faint burnt smell on Carlisle which brings her comfort. The reassuring brunt scent, the dangerous but controllable flame, a wonderful balance of contradictions...I don't believe carlesme aren't into candle play👀
Emmett definitely does that! and scare the crap out of others.
Emmett: Carlisle I need a doctor's note for school
Carlisle: (takes out Rx pad) What do you need? Hemophilia to get out of a biology lab? Photosensitivity to avoid an outdoor class on a sunny day?
Emmett: Tell them I have a rare blood disorder so I need to have a special chair.
The chair:
So it’s canon that Emmett and Rosalie have had several weddings over the years.
Do you think they have a single anniversary that is like sacred or do you think they have several anniversaries?
Do you think eventually everyday of the year will be one of their anniversaries?
Thank you for sending me this❤@dot-the-js-and-cross-the-fs
I honestly hadn't thought about it before😅 I don't feel any wedding after the first one would be an anniversary, although it gave them a chance to renew their vows of love and have a big party, they were not as memorable as other dates. Like the day Emmett was changed (unlike other people with traumatic experiences, Emmett may celebrate the day he died because it was the day he met his "angel") . I could see them celebrating their first successful act of intimacy because it showed Rosalie's bravery which was a great victory for her. And of course their first wedding.
Carlisle, explaining to the kids why they're going back to high school: now bear in mind-
Emmett: oh trust me, it is
as an empath i could definitely approach a bear or large cat in the wild and be fine like they would get my vibe
- Emmett, before he got mauled to death, and then followed this by absolutely simping for the cattiest blonde Vampire with claws
The Cullens as goofy cats
Carlisle
Edward
Esme
Rosalie
Emmett
Alice
Jasper
Bonus 1: Bella at her birthday party
Bonus 2:newborn carlisle
(memes from the Internet)
— The Cullens’ names in their handwriting