An update I guess, I'm still alive & making breakfast for dinner but I've been ripped of every safety net I ever had in like 3 days & have no one really else in my life that will help me in a major way or that CAN let alone be able to properly heal + rest after my surgery so I'm not doing too well
I already felt like a ghost in the machine on this site anymore as it is after the initial chunk of people leaving on top of the site getting more hostile towards trans women & non white users & just aging out of the majority of it but I don't see who I ever was on this site with so few people I remember here & the ever expanding enshittification of online space anymore that it feels harder than ever to feel like I matter in life online let alone who I am offline
Losing all the security I had even if it was all state mandated for healthcare or any type of food assistance is incredibly demoralizing especially after 10 months of being unable to find a job I can make more than 20k a year on or at least be able to afford a car to be any form of mobile
I'm persisting, I'm also finding it very hard to find joy in life at all between the absolute nightmares of real life outside of my personal bubble with the US to even try to make self depreciating or pessimistic jokes at the expense of myself when the cycle of poverty is beginning to weigh heavier on my soul to just create static enough about it to keep trying
I expect to post less on here & have it more for an archive I guess