I wanna talk about the difference between Crowley’s reaction to Aziraphale describing his actions as “kind” in 1942, and his reaction to Aziraphale calling him “nice” on their way to see Sister Mary. It’s been bugging me since I first watched the show. Why are his reactions so drastically different? Aziraphale is expressing pretty much the exact same sentiment in both instances, but in one Crowley’s reaction is just to simply shrug it off, and in the other, he gets extremely frustrated and slams Aziraphale into a wall to yell at him.
Something must’ve happened between 1942 and the present, that changed Crowley’s reaction to Aziraphale calling him nice. I mean, something had to have happened, for Crowley to go from shrugging off “kind” and flipping out over “nice”–there has to be a reason.
And, assuming the show didn’t hide anything from the audience, there’s really just one major thing that happened that changed their relationship: “You go to fast for me, Crowley.”
“You go too fast for me,” is simultaneously the moment Aziraphale rejects Crowley, and the moment that Crowley realizes that Aziraphale has romantic feelings for him. It isn’t simply Aziraphale saying he doesn’t feel the same. It’s Aziraphale saying that he does feel the same, that he loves Crowley, but that he’s still afraid, still stuck on the fact that they’re supposed to be enemies, that it’s against the rules.
Essentially: I love you, but you’re a demon, so we can’t be together, yet. Or possibly ever.
So, Crowley is now acutely aware how Aziraphale feels, but also that Aziraphale’s love for him doesn’t outweigh his fear, or his ingrained belief in the righteousness of heaven. It doesn’t matter how kind or nice or good Crowley is, Crowley is still a demon, and they’re still “enemies” technically. They can’t be together.
I think, from Crowley’s perspective, when Aziraphale calls him “nice” it’s a bit of an emotional slap in the face. It’s not just Aziraphale teasing Crowley to get a rise out of him, it’s Aziraphale (probably unknowingly) poking at the very wounds he’s inflicted. He’s reminding Crowley that, yes, he does see good in Crowley and care about Crowley. But it’s not enough.
Crowley angrily reminds Aziraphale that he’s a demon, and that he’s not nice, and it’s as if he’s saying “you’re not allowed to say I’m nice! isn’t the whole reason you turned me down because I’m a demon? Because I’m evil?”
At the end of the show, Aziraphale calls Crowley nice again, and this time Crowley responds by calling Aziraphale a bastard, in the most loving way possible. It doesn’t bother Crowley to be called nice this time, because now they’re on their own side, Aziraphale isn’t holding back anymore, isn’t afraid anymore, and Crowley isn’t going too fast anymore.
Crowley has been living in active fear since at least the 1800′s. At least. To the point where he’s actively searching out weaponry that could kill him so easily he needs full hazmat gear to handle it. He’s gone from “yeah nah they won’t notice let’s just lie and say we did it” to “No, don’t tell anyone” (Bastille) to “They will come for me. They will come for me and I will need to kill them.” The “easy” solution of course is to simply not consort with Aziraphale. He’s not willing to do that. He knows the cost for this will be his existence and he is still not willing to give Aziraphale up. By the time of the antichrist he’s so paranoid he actually (and quite probably for the first time) physically intimidates Aziraphale over the utterance of a single word. He’s terrified of being found out, and he’s terrified of the punishment that will ensue. Post apocalypse? The secret is out. The bridges are burned. He does not have a single shit left to give. They have come for him, they have come for Aziraphale and they have failed. His worst nightmare has come true and he has lived through it. So call him nice. He doesn’t care. He no longer has to pretend the lie.
