@myurbandream / myurbandream.tumblr.com
hey guys!! <3 My advent calenders are here again!
They are ready to be shipped and are very limited quantity! Once they are sold out i will not restock them!
Last year I was a little late and some of them didnt arrive in time, but this year i’m early enough so they should all arrive in time for the first of december!
Shop is as always
>tsuyonpu.storenvy.com<
each day has a little piece of chocolate behind the door!
Why carry a Swiss army knife when you could be carrying a ‘Swiss army’ crustacean?
This awesomely adorable (and useful!) Crab Multi Tool has a wooden body and features 6 different stainless steel appendages as well as flip-out legs so it can stand up on its own when you aren’t using it. It’s currently available via Kikkerland and Firebox.
[via Laughing Squid]
Yet another reason I’m sad Terry Pratchett is dead is because I just know that the Discworld novel he would have written in response to recent developments in Britain and the world would be fucking scathing.
“A small but growing number of people believe we should magically summon a new world turtle and place Ankh-Morpork on its back in order to leave the Disc entirely, sir.”
“Intriguing.”
“It can’t be done, sir. Especially not the…” Drumknott consulted his paperwork. “…bit where, and I quote, Obviously we’ll leave all the foreigners behind. They seem divided on the precise definition of foreigner but it seems to include anyone who doesn’t look like them, and most people who do look like them but speak funny.”
“Ah, we’ve reached that part, where we define foreigner so we know who to give the boot to,” Vetinari sighed.
“It’s obviously not really plausible, sir, we’d lose a lot of good trade routes if there were no longer any external portions of the Disc attached to us, and having consulted with the alchemists there’s a strong sense among them that we would shortly run out of air to breathe should we leave the Disc’s protective weather systems.”
“Ah, but they can vote on it, you see,” Vetinari said. “They can campaign for it. And just knowing we ought to do it…”
He pulled a report across his desk, one in the crabbed, unmistakable schoolboy handwriting of Sir Samuel. “Crime is up, Drumknott.”
“I wasn’t aware we’d increased the Thieves’ Guild allotments this month, sir.”
“We haven’t. Nor the Assassins’ Guild. Unfortunately the crimes on the rise are of the go-back-where-you-came-from variety and there is, as of yet, no Bigots’ guild.”
“Do you think creating one would stop them, sir?”
“Not in this case, no,” Vetinari murmured. “I suspect we shall have to leave it up to human decency and the efforts of the Watch.”
Drumknott gave him the most horrified look he’d seen since the first time he suggested promoting Sir Samuel.
“Not really, sir?”
“Of course not. Good lord, Drumknott. I shall have some errands for you today, however, and you’d best fetch the Commander. And Mr. De Worde. Get De Worde here first, then bring in Sir Samuel when he’s had just enough time to get nervous in the waiting room. If Sir Samuel is at home, do bring her Ladyship along, otherwise I’ll see her at the dinner tomorrow night. Ah yes, and I believe I shall pay a visit to Mr. Von Lipwig tomorrow afternoon; please notify him of the impending surprise inspection of the mint.”
“But sir, what will you – “
“That will be all, Drumknott,” Vetinari said.
In the crevices of Vetinari’s mind, gears began to turn. Disorder, of course, was a natural aspect of any city, but unpleasantness of this sort led to much too much and the wrong kind of disorder. After all, at one time Ankh-Morpork had simply been a swampy plain; trace a family back far enough and everyone was an immigrant. The kind of thinking that led to one saying they were taking their city and leaving sooner or later led to metaphorical shoving matches over who looked a little too igneous to be allowed, or whose mother sent funny food with them to school, or who exactly was allowed to wear what kind of cloth on their head.
And the whole thing, as he knew from personal experience, could very well lead to unpleasantly large dragons.
Perhaps it was time to set some spinning tops in motion.
@copperbadge – what would we need to pay you so you could write that book … :) ??
I might already have written an outline. It includes a Star Wars allegory and the phrase “vimes joins the resistance”, also “the return of our beloved long-fingered despot”.
⭐️ Vulpecula, the fox constellation
⭐️ Corvus, the raven constellation
⭐️ Lepus, the hare constellation
⭐️ Cygnus, the swan constellation
⭐️ Chamaeleon, the chameleon constellation
Added more constellations to this series!
ashlesha is so close to its release date and i’m gonna spontaneously combust my friends,,,, @ my irl friends: if you want to get me literally anything for christmas then get me a copy of this fucking book
Fucking same
Workin’ on it, loves. <3
I ain't waiting for Christmas, sorry friends. You're gonna have to think of a different Christmas gift idea. :D
!! The Jedi starting to forget that Obi-Wan isn’t one of them. A++. Shmi getting to play an active role! Clone feelings. Senate stuff! And of course, Obi-Wan and Anakin needing to have alllll the talks about emotions and their respective pasts lol.
Mace catches himself talking to Obi-Wan like he’s a fellow Jedi Master. The Council automatically assumes that he’ll be going on the missions they’re sending Anakin on (Qui-Gon, who’s retired from active field missions and is sitting on the Council now, is wholly encouraging of this because someone needs to keep an eye on his former Padawan). Whenever Obi-Wan’s at a battle with another Master, their Padawan sometimes will turn to him for advice, in addition to their own Master. And he finds himself absently answering their questions about the Code and the Force, because he got so used to talking to Anakin about it. Ahsoka jokes that she’s got two Masters, one just took a very unconventional path.
Obi-Wan’s and Anakin’s talks about emotions and their pasts are the stuff of legends. Clones and Jedi alike all start to recognize when one’s coming by the gleam in their eyes and hurry to give them a wide berth. One time, a clone got stuck in the same room as them during one of their talks and he couldn’t get out gracefully and he thought he was gonna die (then came the make-up part of their talks and he wanted to die). He never talks about that day, not even when he’s totally plastered on the strongest alcohol money can buy. (It was Rex.)
I’m cackling. That poor clone!
110% here for everyone forgetting that Obi-Wan isn’t a Jedi. …Except for Obi-Wan himself, of course, who is probably hyperaware of it at least half the time. Old wounds heal, but that doesn’t mean that their scars aren’t still there.
Obi-Wan is happy with his life and maybe this was the right path for him, but he can’t help but wonder ‘what if’ sometimes, for all that he tries to put it behind him. Which is ironic in and of itself, because by trying to release his past, he’s clinging to it in a sense, the code worn deep into his bones in a way that can’t be easily unlearned. Non-attachment is a Jedi tenet, after all.
Rex basically squeezes himself into a corner and is frantically texting Cody on his comlink all like I NEED AN EXTRACTION. ASAP.
And Cody’s like: Sorry, no one’s willing to interrupt.
Rex, all outraged: WHAT HAPPENED TO NOT LEAVING ANYONE BEHIND????
Cody: That’s just on the battlefield, against Seppies.
Rex: Damn you. I think they’re about to throw things….Nope, no, I was really wrong. One of them just STARTED CRYING.
Cody: General Kenobi? The stress of the war’s probably getting to him. This is all quite different from being a Senator, after all.
Rex: No, no, it’s General Skywalker. Help me, Cody, damn you. What do you DO when a Jedi cries???? Oh fuck, I think they’re starting to CUDDLE.
Cody: Good. It’s been too long since they’ve had time to themselves.
Rex: Yeah, EXCEPT I’M STILL HERE.
————–
On a more serious note, yeah, Obi-Wan is hyperaware of his non-Jedi status at least half the time. Especially once he starts working with the Jedi on the battlefields.
*SLAMS FIST ON DESK*
WHO DO I HAVE TO PAY TO WRITE THIS STORY???!?!?!!!!
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I still need to know what dog this is
It is the Caucasian Shepherd Dog aka Russian Bear Dog. This picture below is just a PUPPY.
Holy shit.
I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE NOW
MOUSE
I have a mighty need.
I really want a situation where say Ventress starts force choking Cody in front of Obi-wan telling him to surrender or his precious Commander dies and Obi-wan actually does drop his saber and goes to surrender.
And Cody fucking flips. With the last of his strength and ability and all the dpite and hate he can muster he fucking kicks Ventress in the face so that Obi-wan can grab his saber. Cody ends up getting shot in the shoulder by droids before then but the day goes down in history for the 212th and 501st. The second time Cody has done something ballsy to one of the big name Seppies and kicked the hairless harpy in the face all for the General.
For all the people who love ace jokes, there are dragon cake pans!
I mean I'm grey-ace, but actually I just want a dragon shaped cake.
Just spent an hour on the phone with my Dad and spent most of that not-crying, so this is the only mini-thank-you I have for you guys today:
OH MY GOD. *jumping up and down* I AM SO EXCITED!! NEW NAMES! NEW CONTENT! BOOK STUFF, LOOK AT THE BOOK EXCERPT!
I am grinning like a complete maniac in the break room at work, holy shit, I AM SO EXCITED TO BUY THIS BOOK.
Edit: Also *hugs* I am sorry about your dad and I hope we can take your mind off the bad things. You certainly just made my day. *sending ice cream*
Omg the jellyfish!!! *grabby hands* Can I call dibs? I wanna put it in the kids bathroom, it would go PERFECTLY with the ocean theme.
ETA: prints! I am down with this.
King of the Clones introduces the background of CT-7567, and re-tells the story of all significant Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars: Rebels episodes from the point of view of Captain Rex.
Rebellious Trooper takes place in the immediate aftermath of the final episodes of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and focus on Captain Rex and his decision to betray the rising Galactic Empire.
THAT PIC.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Are you drawn to playing intense characters?
reblogged for the first gif in the set. look how damn cute he looks there! that awkward smile! so precious.
Someone give him a rom com plz
But what about vampire history teachers. Vampires who read something from a text book then proceed to light the book on fire and throw it out the window because “No. that’s not even close to what really happened. Listen up nerds I’m about to teach you what really happened in France during the revolution”
I need this as a series
Vampires sharing the recipe for Greek fire.
Vampires speaking in dead languages.
Vampires being able to translate untranslatable scripts.
Vampires who react to straightwashing historical figures like “Are you kidding me everyone knew that man was queer!”
Vampires from cultures who were once antagonistic towards each other stubbornly maintaining a friendship that’s lasted longer than their civilizations.
Vampires who honour forgotten deities you won’t find in mythology books.
Also, vampires who secretly saved stuff from the Library of Alexandra.
A vampire show that does not revolve all around sex and eternal cursed love.
nerd vampire whose knowledge of current events is terrible but they can always remember everything that’s considered “history” so they have a super-detailed knowledge of everything up to about thirty years ago and then ?????
vampire who couldn’t tell you what caravaggio was known for but duelled with him at least three times and slept with him at least ten. “cara-who OH YOU MEAN MICHAEL yeah he was cool”
vampire who spent 100 years in a convent and is still so bitter that in all that time they never made her mother superior “GODDAMMIT I HAD SENIORITY! I HAD SENIORITY!” “okay so first off janet, that was six hundred years ago, but more importantly, maybe if you didn’t always start those complaints off with blasphemy…”
vampire professor who just sort of showed up at oxford when it was founded and is still there (and nobody’s noticed because he still never actually shows up to his lectures)
vampire politician who lifts all their campaign speeches wholesale from speeches given 200 years ago and just waits for someone to catch them out (nobody ever does they’re prime minister and their approval ratings are through the roof)
WAIT I HAVE MORE
queer vampire who constantly talks about the fashion for straightness and you need to be really careful because if you tell them straight is default they WILL scream at you for five days straight about what a modern concept heterosexuality is
vampire hoarder who has an entire town where they just kept having to buy new houses to keep their stuff in and some of it’s probably worth tens of millions by now but you’ll never find it in among the 1950s kitschy kitten sculptures and boxes of newspaper (the newspaper is a wonderful mix of yesterday’s guardian and daily courants from 1725)
vampire sailor from manderville’s time who just has so many stories and some of them might even be true
vampire bluestocking girl who took to the internet like a fish to water and spends her whole unlife engaging reddit antifeminists about women’s rights because that’s one fight she’s determined to see through. also with the advent of cheap dyes she literally wears blue socks every day and hopes one day someone gets the joke
vampire doctor who just gets SO CONFUSED about the literature because do you know how hard it is to keep up with medicine kevin? when i got my doctorate we thought leeches were good and then they were bad and now they’re good again? i was published in issue one of the lancet kevin that is 387 lancets kevin how the hell am i meant to remember which one’s current kevin why are they saying cannabis is good for pain like this is news??? (but also lives in a state of wonderment every day in hospital because wow look at all this stuff we can do now look at it kevin!)
entire coven of vampires constantly quibbling over manners because they’re all from different periods: “HATS OFF AT TABLE” “SCREW YOU LEONARD ONLY PEASANTS EAT BAREHEADED” “TABITHA THAT HASN’T BEEN GOOD MANNERS SINCE THE 1500S NOBODY HAS LICE ANY MORE” “IT ISN’T ABOUT LICE LEONARD IT’S ABOUT GOOD MANNERS YOU NEED TO HAVE GOOD MANNERS WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE OVER FOR DINNER” “I SWEAR TO GOD TABITHA IF YOU MAKE THAT PUN ONE MORE TIME I WILL SHOVE YOUR STUPID HAT DOWN YOUR THROAT”
vampire musicians who might not have been child prodigies but goddammit 500 years of practicing an instrument is bound to get you somewhere (also knowing the composer and being the first person to start playing a song doesn’t hurt either)
my favorite will always be vampires who know fuck-all about the standard major historical events because they were always somewhere else whenever big shit was going down:
“yeah i heard about the hundred years war but i was in northern african at the time so…”
“the roman empire fell??? how did the fucking roman empire fall??? i spend a fucking handful of decades in india and i come back to this???”
“russia needs to stop having revolutions, i can’t keep them all straight…”
“when did france become a democracy?? and america’s now it’s own country??? i’ve spent the last century in a forest in wallachia scaring small children so––wHat dO yOU meAn we’re calling it romania now??? when the fuck did it become romania???”
“WE HAD A WORLD WAR??? WE HAD TWO WORLD WARS???? well obviously ‘world’ is an exaggeration because i heard nothing about it while i was lost in the amazon rainforest for the last fifty years…”
“listen i spent most of the fourteenth century as a pirate in the south china sea so someone’s gonna had to clue me in on all this ‘black plague’ nonsense.”
