the difference between romantic love and platonic love is mostly intent

love lives in the cultivation of it!!! if you want a relationship, any relationship to thrive you have to build it and grow it and nurture it. you have to be honest and respectful and vulnerable and affectionate. there are some things most people only do with romantic partners, but that’s mostly a matter of taste and custom. people have sexual encounters with friends. people have love affairs without ever having sex. people co-habitat with friends. people live in separate dwellings from their spouses. love isn’t a feeling or an instinct. it’s a sustained, mutual effort. ultimately your relationship is what y’all mutually decide it is and what y’all mutually make the effort to create together.

no one tells you how much of life takes practice. not just writing, painting, running, singing, etc, but practicing how to make friends. how to make the right ones. getting practiced at how to be a good friend, a good sibling, a good person. practice identifying when people haven’t earned that. learning to recognize your right to rage and, eventually, how to offer mercy. so much of life is muscle memory, and i’ve begun to realize there are so many more parts of ourselves to flex and stretch and strengthen than those we’re taught in anatomy lessons

friendship IS romance : 1. / 2. / 3. fleabag / 4. / 5. / 6. / 7. / 8. a little life, hanya yanagihara  / 9. / 10. 

i just want to say, i heckin love fandom. obvs theres a bunch of nonsense involved but at its heart i love that theres just thousands and thousands of people working hard to make art and build community together all for the love of stories. its all a bit special 😍

This!

Honestly, fandom has made this huge difference in my life over the past few months. Had kids a several years ago, and I adore them but a lot had to be set aside in order to make space for them, including most if not all of my creative pursuits. Given that I majored in music composition and poetry, that was...a lot to suddenly not be doing. At all. Add in a charming array of health and mental health issues both known and unexpected and it made for a whirlwind of years feeling like a bird caught in a windstorm with nowhere to land and nothing to do but keep flying or get beaten by gusts. Or both at once.

And then, I stumbled into GO fandom once the show aired. I've been in various fandoms over the decades and will absolutely say this is one of the best, but that's not actually the point. The point is that fandom, any fandom, is at its heart made of excitement and shared enthusiasm for a piece of art, and then goes on to encourage people to make more art. Just for the love of it. Doesn't matter if it's not perfect. Doesn't matter that you won't make money doing it. None of that matters. Capitalism can fuck off, we're here for the love of it.

And God, I needed to remember that. How to do things not because I had to but just because I wanted to. I had tried, but it was terrifying. My piano sat there in the corner Looking at me and going "So...been a while..." and it just felt like too *much* and I couldn't go near it. Things that had mattered to me were painfully intimidating, because I felt like if I tried and couldn't get them back I'd shatter, and I couldn't afford to do that. And the more time went on the harder it got.

Good Omens was particularly helpful for me in that it has so many opportunities for mixing in history and classics and oh look, music. Someone posted beautiful fanart of Crowley at a concert, and I thought of how interesting and moving it was, and next thing you know I'm listening to Beethoven's 9th and fingering out the notes on the piano while thinking about Eden, and then suddenly I'm practicing my the piano regularly again for the first time in seven years and signing up for ukelele lessons, and then writing fanfiction. And everyone around loves the things I love and will talk about them forever and this is the happiest I've been in years, the most myself. After years of being eroded by responsibility, depression, crap physical health, and the world, I can not tell you how miraculous it feels to be making art again, seeing art everywhere. And I can do it from anywhere, because internet, and for free, because internet and people like you.

So yes. All you fanfic writers and fanartists and fan everything and people who point out minor details that I never noticed or theorise about one character's motives or say "Hey, I read this thing and it reminded me of--": You keep me going. We keep each other going. May I do as much for you as you've done for me and may we all keep on, in our various ways, making art. Forever. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, what matters is that it exists where it didn't before and that it was done with love.

So go do the thing. We've got each others' backs. And thank you, thank you, thank you.

First of all, @ashfae​, lovely person it’s been my privilege to know for mumble-ty odd years, I see you and I love you.

Secondly, remember that post that went around a while back about why it’s harmful to chase women out of fandom once they reach a Certain Age.  Why it’s so toxic to tell middle-aged women to get out of fandom and go back to normie life.

POINTS.  Because we were all young fandom people once, and then life happens, and you are working, you have a family, whatever, but one day you just Need This Again.  And it’s so revolutionary.

I was thinking yesterday about what kinds of things I did everyday five years ago and I realized...I didn’t WRITE then.  Not at all.  Now, it’s not just part of my life, it’s part of my DAY.  Fandom and writing are so important to me, and with the writing, in a way it’s NEVER been before.  And that’s So. Fucking. Precious.  That you don’t stop creating things at a certain agreed upon life stage.  That we, as women, aren’t always putting others first, or only doing the practical thing.

Anyway, just...yeah. 

Pffft fuck that. I turn forty-one in a month, I roleplay online with people of all ages from twenty to seventy, why the hell should I stop having fun and making things just because I have kids and a job and all that rigamarole? Nerdery has been around forever, just more clandestine, and normal life is an illusion anyway. Nope, gonna keep on being a geek until I die. Judy Dench learned to be a dungeon master for her grandkids and I look forward to taking up some new and hopefully unforeseen pursuit when I’m eighty and enjoying the hell out of it. May I play video games until I die, and even then may they play “Into the West” and the Final Fantasy theme at my funeral, and may someone break in and claim to be me regenerated into a new form while holding a sonic screwdriver.

Now get offa my lawn, unless you’re here to talk fandom, in which case have a seat and a cookie and tell me about your latest cosplay/story idea/everything.

If I wasn’t known to your friends and family, I would totally break into your funeral as the Doctor. I doubt the excuse “I came back in time to be my own best mate” would hold much water ;) I will however stand outside the building with a boombox and play the Ride of the Rohirrim at full volume.

You better watch out cause if I catch you enjoying a specific thing I WILL think of you and send you posts whenever that thing comes across my dash fucker

Someone: oh there’s this show I’m watching... oh, nevermind, it’s silly you probably don’t wanna hear about it

Me, knowing fully well how much it sucks to have your passions invalidated and how cool it is to rant about something you love:

love can really save people, and i’m not talking about romantic love. i’m talking about platonic, wholesome, unselfish love that demands nothing in return other than that person’s safety, happiness, and well-being. love for the sake of love. i think this kind of love is wonderful.

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.

“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet,” said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”

Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”

Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”

“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There. No more; no less.

~ Kathryn Wallace

i don’t trust men who are unable to maintain platonic relationships with women.

Good. Don’t.

This, and also: don’t trust women that do not allow their boyfriends to have platonic relationships with other women.

exactly

YES

A witch puts a spell on a girl, a sleeping spell that promises the girl shall wake through true love’s kiss. Men come and kiss her. She slumbers. Women come and press their lips to hers, but still she sleeps. Many years past, and the girl remains still. One bright morning,  a lost little boy finds her resting spot and clears the dust and grime from her face. He offers her a kiss on her forehead, and her eyes flutter open. She never feels romantic love for a man nor a woman, and she cares for the boy until the day she dies.

A young woman is imprisoned in a castle by a monstrously formed prince. The servants of the castle hope for them to fall in love, and when the spell is broken they assume their prayers have been answered. They are all surprised, but nonetheless pleased, when it is revealed to them that the young woman and prince are the truest of friends, and nothing more.

They say the kingdom is ruled by an evil queen, a woman who is incapable of loving. She is unmarried, she has no consorts, and she wishes for no partner. She is the wretched queen, the heartless queen. She must hate her daughter, for her daughter is beautiful, and women are incapable of liking another woman who’s prettier than themselves. It must be for this reason that the princess was sent away, not for how she was attacked by a man in the woods. They say the kingdom is ruled by an evil queen because she cannot love. The queen loves her daughter, and that is enough for them both.

There lives a prince who is forced to choose a bride at the ball. He meets many beautiful women, but find none which he loves. He spies one in a gorgeous gown and wonder in her eyes, and he dances with her all night long. The kingdom is sure he has found his bride. When the clock strikes midnight he tells her how he will never love a woman, or a man, in the way he is expected to. The beautiful woman smiles and tells him she expects nothing from him. The next morning the prince and the beautiful woman are missing, having run off together to see the world. They leave their shoes behind in their haste.

Many kinds of love exist. It doesn’t all have to be romantic.

Writing great friendships

Some of the best chemistry/relationships in fiction exist between characters who are/become friends. Here are some tips for making friendships come alive on the page:

1. Banter

2. Mutual support 

3. Knowing the other’s past/family life

4. Being protective

5.  Common interest(s)

Reblog if you found these tips useful. Comment if you would like a Part 2. Follow me for similar content.

I love how internet best friends show each other how much they love each other by dedicating fan fiction to one other It’s like “Hey, You’re a fantastic bestfriend, Here’s two guys fucking in a kitchen”

This Guy Met His Groomsman IRL For The First Time On His Wedding Day After 15 Years Of Playing Xbox Together

THIS IS THE KIND OF WHOLESOME CONTENT IM TRYNA SEE

“Opposites attract” should be reserved for like “she’s messy and he’s neat!” Not like “she’s supportive and he’s a soul-sucking toxic person!”

I have never reblogged anything so fast

I’m????

Oh my God this actually explains so much.

So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.

So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.

So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.

This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner. 

So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.

The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.

The next time a guy says, “What? You don't want to be my friend?” I’ll text him this and then ask if he really wants to be friends or just have another potential girlfriend.

did i ever tell ppl about the time me and my family thought my older brother was gay and dating his best friend? they used to hold hands and cuddle and shit all the time and cause my brothers super quiet we kinda just thought that was him coming out and didn’t really say anything about it. this went on for maybe two yrs and then one day he arrives home with this girl and is all ‘id like you guys to meet my girlfriend’. at this point everyone is ’????’ and my mom is literally crying and like ‘u broke up with James?!?!?!’ and honestly I’ve never seen a man more confused in his life and yeah that’s the time my family fucked up for like 2 yrs

Why were they cuddling and holding hands may I ask

because they wanted to

let guys be intimate friends 2k17