Fic idea - Astyanax in Ithaca
for times when my English will become acceptable because writing this in Polish feels not right
sample of the story under the summary c:
Of course, I was thinking about Penelope's reaction to Odysseus showing up with a new kid (10/11 years old, give or take, Astyanax) at their doors.
I imagined it as the Game of Thrones scene when Ned Stark comes home and shows Catelyn a baby who, he claims, is his bastard.
If I were her, I would lose my mind.
But I think that Odysseus explained himself chaotically, yet truly and Penelope didn't fight with the idea of raising the little prince as their own.
But Telemachus? Well, that's a hell of a different story.
He spent his childhood without his father, missing his presence and hoping to meet him one day. He lived in his shadow, as the problematic son of the absent king that everyone wanted to kill, or as a painful reminder to his mother that Odysseus wasn't around anymore and that she needed to be there for the two of them.
Now his dad is back but with a new child.
A new child who knows his father so well. Odysseus was his only parent for ten years (if we forget about 600 uncles, but they died after like 3 years? if I get it right?) and they just get themselves on an impossible level.
Odysseus knows Astyanax's nightmares (they share them).
Astyanax knows his father's past and doesn't need to ask many questions, and Telemachus does. He hates to do it because he sees Odysseus's pain, he sees Astyanax's reproachful look, like he is going to fight Telemachus if he doesn't leave their father, and-
and he sees the sad, concerned eyes of his mom.
So he doesn't ask much about those 20 years. And somehow it's even worse.
Because Telemachus doesn't know Odysseus. Because it feels weird and not home, like they are forced to be close, but they are not. Because he knew his father from songs, stories and legends, and this man is not who he heard of and he doesn't know how can he fix it.
Telemachus doesn't like to think about it but feels like he gives up on Odysseus. He spent the last 20 years of his life trying to reach that man and- Telemachus is tired.
Besides, Odysseus has another son anyway, right?
The prince of Troy, cursed boy, son of Hector, Astyanax, who also turned out to be a pain in the ass.
He knows that he can't blame the kid for his existence or even for the fact that Odysseus took him to their home.
For that Odysseus often takes Astyanax for horse rides to show him the island. The thing that Telemachus did alone.
For that, Odysseus teaches the boy how to use a sword and they laugh a lot during that. The thing that Telemachus did with strangers, got dozens of bruises, always trying to do everything he could to impress the person that wasn't there.
He doesn't blame Astyanax.
But the boy seems to love the idea of going after him whenever Odysseus manages to pull him off for a moment. It's okay when Astyanax watches him during the trainings with eyes shining with excitement. However, it's bad when Astyanax starts to talk.
Father said I'm getting better at parrying-
When I was with father on Calypso's island-
Father does this completely differently-
Telemachus is a patient man. He waited for his father for 20 years. But sometimes he asks himself if Astyanax knows that all this talking about Odysseus, the man he missed but can't actually get to know, is such a trigger for him.
Maybe Astyanax teases him to show how much more of a son Odysseus is?
With every day Telemachus is more and more irritated. He does his best to hide it, but he can't ignore this fire burning him from the inside.
The reason for this fragile peace collapse is, relatively, very stupid.
Telemachus was tired after all day when he met Odysseus.
"The situation in the city is now calmed down,’ he informed his father, combing through his wind-tangled hair."
Odysseus nodded and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you, Telemachus. Well done."
Telemachus froze, not knowing what to say. He couldn't even move. Finally, he nodded, wincing slightly at the awkwardness of his every interaction with his father.
Odysseus seemed equally perplexed. However, the whole situation changed when Astyanax appeared in the courtyard where they stood.
Or, he ran into it, almost toppling over, just to get to Odysseus faster and embrace him around the waist.
"Dad, you will never believe what I found with mother in the garden!"
Telemachus watched with unhealthy interest as his father's face lit up with a smile as he listened to Astyanax's excited chatter.
A sudden anger, though senseless and petty, flared his veins. He had to avert his gaze and drive it into the ground so that no one could see his anger. His jaw was clenched tightly.
Twenty years of life based on a vague memory. An entire journey to find his father. His faith, his efforts and his devotion. All this to not be able to have one real conversation with his father. All this to watch both his parents melt down over his new, little brother. All this to stand by and watch his dreams fade away.
He walked away before he could do something stupid. Something that would distance him even further from his father.
He holed up in one of the cool and dark corridors of their palace. He concentrated on his breathing and massaged his temples.
He was an adult and knew how to deal with his feelings. Not that anyone had ever taught him that.
"Telemachus, what's wrong? You don't even know what we found in the garden, you went too fast!"
He didn't know shit about how to deal with his feelings.
"Could you, for five minutes, let me live as I lived before you came along? Five minutes without your constant footsteps and shouting behind my back. Five minutes of peace and quiet! That's all I'm asking for!"
But Astyanax took a few steps back as if frightened by Telemachus' sudden outburst. A grimace twisted his face and he squinted as if Telemachus was an extremely difficult puzzle for his quick mind.
"Why are you so angry? I don't understand."
"At this point? I'm not sure anymore. All I know is that I wasn't this angry even once before you dragged yourself home with father and decided to act as if it had all been yours forever."
Telemachus had to calm down. For bloody hell, he had just shouted at the eleven-year-old as if he was guilty of anything.
‘Are you angry about your father bringing me with him?’
It wasn't true. To be fair, he did not want Astyanax to die that night in Troy or be lost in the depths of the burning city.
Still, did he want him here? He let his thoughts wander before he could finally admit it to himself.
Astyanax, essentially, was not the problem. Everything else was. Telemachus was as well.
"No. There are many other things I'm angry about, but not this."
He sat down on the floor and leaned against the cool wall. He hid his face in his hands and let the anger leave him with his next breaths.
"Forgive my shouting. You got me at the wrong time, brother."
And he heard the boy slowly slide down the wall and sit down a few steps away from him.
"You should be grateful, you know?" suddenly said Astyanax. "He travelled all the world to see you and Mom."
You won't scream, Telemachus said to himself. He took a breath.
"Yeah, he didn't really know me, so. I don't know if that counts."
"That's even better. I mean, he loved you anyway. All this time, he was thinking about you"
This logic was wrong, but Telemachus doesn't find enough strength to fight over it.
They stayed silent for a few minutes.
"He didn't want me, you know? He just didn't want me dead and I reminded him of you. He was also scared of what I would become if he just left me alone. And you are so awful but he wanted you from the beginning and he loves you and he was so proud and-" Astyanax put his arms around his knees, his voice breaking as he spoke his next words: "You're a terrible idiot, you know. But he still wants you."
Telemachus needed a few seconds to see that every now and then, Astyanax would rub his wet eyes with his little fists.
He wasn't ready for this, even after months of training he wouldn't be ready. He stays silent for a moment. Slowly, he puts his arms over the crying mess and draws him to his side.
"And you think that father carried you all over the world because he doesn't like you?"
"Because he's kind and he would be ashamed to tell uncle Polites what he did."
"As far I know he wasn't so nice all this time, right? But he never turned his back on you. If you don't trust me, trust that. Odysseus came with you to Ithaca, because he wants you."
Astyanax did not reply but rested his head on his side. Telemachus let him.
Later that night, Telemachus carried a tired Astyanax straight to his parents' bedroom and knocked. When confused Odysseus finally opened it, Telemachus threw the sleepy child at him without hesitation.
And he walked away. This was his moment to avoid uncomfortable questions.
Let me know what do you think.
And yes, Telemachus and Odysseus have a proper conversation about being father and son, but later.
BTW sorry for all the errors, I'm so sleepy right now I barely see my screen
