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#excerpts from a book i'll never write – @mymellowcupcakestudent on Tumblr
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TheGirlWithAMillionEmotions

@mymellowcupcakestudent

Instagram: mymellowcupcakestudentJust another girl. With her feet on the earth and sight at the sky. Writes about everything in betweenPlease do not use my writing without giving me appropriate credits on any social media page.
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Bodies may have mass,

But souls are the ones which occupy places.

Indefinitely, at least a few souls have left their imprints on you,

Leaving little but all too noticable traces.

Yet, none of this is temporary.

You see I've always felt that people may come and go, but souls stay connected forever.

They're like buds of the same flower,

Having the grit of the same bark,

Relations often happen to turn sour,

But souls stay connected even when afar.

Often, a feeling envelopes me,

Part jealousy, part possessiveness, part agitation and part helplessness.

I shall have to move and to stay in touch forever,

No one assures me that guarantee.

People slip into the void created by your absence so easily,

Yet few know how you tried to move on,

Oh so painfully.

And in those days I comfort myself,

By knowing that,

Distance hardly matters,

To keep in touch, you have the power.

There will be distance in your words,

But none in your message.

There will be distance in the way you live your lives,

But none between who you choose to live it with.

There will be distance in your bodies,

But none between your souls.

Because bodies may have mass,

But souls are the ones which occupy places.

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I'm not the same as I was last year.

Over the months, I've collected my fair share of scars and joys.

The scars not signifying all I've been through,

But all I've come out of.

The joys not signifying what I've been given,

But what I've made of it.

You see, I'm like a deciduous tree.

Periodically, I shed off things closest to me.

To make way for new beginnings.

My life is mostly like the sun's movements.

It's a constant cycle between the break of the dawn, to the dusk and back to the Aurora again.

Inhale: my mind explodes with thoughts

Exhale: my heart is bursting out of my rib cage.

People leave. Accidents happen.

And I need to move on.

So I block my emotions,

Pick up the scattered feelings,

And shed off.

Shed off the bad memories and the heart wrenching moments.

I collect my scars as my battle honours

And move on.

Make way for the new season.

Often I've been jealous of the ones who are evergreen,

But I'm evolving as I go,

Discovering myself through each high and low.

It's time I come out of my shadow.

To pave the way for a better tomorrow.

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It was a chilly morning,
And he'd had a late start to the day,
Rushing out he hopped quickly into his car.
Warm bright sunshine serenaded her room,
The weather suited her mood.
Happy and cheerful.
A second passed.
Life happened.
He lay bare and motionless,
With blood emerging,
A text and her heart broke.
Shattered, in fact.
We're all just tragic accidents waiting to happen.
An accident
A heartbreak
Death
We're so fragile and vulnerable,
It's impossible to form a shield
Yet it's a paradox
For when we form a shield, we don't live
Which is the essence of creatures. To live.
We just protect ourself from the inevitable, pain.
Pain is omnipresent,
Happiness is just pain being less prominent.
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Crimson, like those Autumn leaves all around, Coral, being the shy and soft impressionable mind, Periwinkle, that shade of blue whose potential was never tapped, Lime, like that zing and that mischievous grin, Apricot, with her strength and will, And with all her shades of black and white, She was chaotic, unique and mind blowing, All at the same time. But there was this little, hidden, Reserve of silver, Which made her different, And which made me fall for her.

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Breathe in. Breathe out. My life is inflating like my day. It's like falling down from the cradle, But worse. Because no one is there to catch you. Another slamming door, Words thrown around like knives, There isn't any such thing similar to abandonment, Which replicates the seasons, With all their peaks and troughs and their chaos and subsequent torment. Inhale: my heart shatters like a vase Exhale: my mind is suffering from crippling pain. It's like a series of storms one after the other, Wearing me down, Bit by bit, I reflect and gaze within myself, For what have I done to deserve this? And it's then, that it hits me like a bolt of lightning. I was the sunlit sky, but she was the moon. She never saw me in my true glory. I was the thunder, strong and independent, But she was the tide, slow and persistent. I was at the top of the ferris wheel, But she never saw me cause she was at the bottom. I was the varied palette of colours, And she was the water. Diluting my uniqueness. She never saw me for who I was, nor did she care. But that doesn't make me any less. I'm just not a speck of dust on this planet. I was made after millions of galaxies broke down, I'm not just a living creature, I'm a human. I have the ability to think and the right to feel. I might fall and fall but one day, I will rise. Rise up and stand tall, Face the world with the beauty of my scars, Because they don't signify all that I've been through, They signify all that I've come out of. I will be a Phoenix. I will rise from the ashes. I'll wait till the blazing fire cools down externally. But internally, she has ignited a fire within me to show the world, how I really am. To step out from her shadow, To make a mark of my own. And round and round, like a spinning wheel, Goes around karma, What goes around, will ultimately come around. I am special. I will be loved. I belong here.

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Every once in a while, An August evening comes around, When nostalgia is engulfing you, Rain is enveloping you, You can no longer hear the rustling of the leaves, Instead a long silence prevails, The sound of droplets falling softly to the ground, To the thrashing of rain against houses, Nature calls out to us. Through the clouds huddling together in the sky, To the petrichor which blows you away, Through the crystal clear water on leaves, To the greenery that borders our sight, I simply sit. I sit, and see, For we have become so engrossed in the hustle bustle of our daily life, That we somehow forget to witness the striking beauty and balance. For maybe, with the eyes of a hawk, Blinded by my lust for adventure, I forget to halt to look around. For maybe, sometimes even with the precision of sight, Blinded by our fears, We forget to see the glimmer of hope that lies within.

@mymellowcupcakestudent

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What is left of you, When the air you breathe, Leaves you suffocated, When the eyes that show you the world, Start watering, When the heart that beats inside you, Slouches down in a corner. When you just can’t keep your head above the water, When the tides seem just too fierce, When it’s you up against the world, What happens when the ship starts sinking? And you just can’t help but drown, In your mistakes, disappointments and failures. That’s when, you see the light in darkness, When you see beauty in black And when you see a shimmer of glitter within yourself.
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Black. Black is often like the girl in the glass who never spoke out yet her presence was acknowledged and missed. Black is the symbolance for strength. Black is a paradox in itself. Black is often misinterpreted as evil . It’s dark, yes, the darkest actually. But not evil. Black is like that thunderstorm occuring is your life. It’s comes, disrupts, calms down, passes. Yet, black has a preconceived opinion by most. Black is the look exchanged between two soldiers, with patriotism in their hearts and strength in their body. Black is the night, enhancing the beauty of the stars. Black is necessary for if they sky never went black, the stars would go unnoticed. Black is that feeling evoked within you of possibility and potential. Black makes you undergo a restful emptiness. Black is classic. From tuxedos to limousines, black says it all. Black isn’t just a colour, it’s the essence of everything else. It’s omnipresence makes it worth admiring. Nothing in black in this world is bad, it’s just your perception towards darkness. Embrace it and you will rejoice. Distance it, and it will envelope you.
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Like an endless dark tunnel, Neverending yet waiting for a glimpse of light, I wander, on and on For what seems like forever. And just when I am about to give up, Lies some shimmer. Some light. Some days go past us in a flash, Some events go unnoticed, But when you need time to unravel itself, Slowly and in your favour, Gloominess prevails. Without a shadow of doubt, you give up. And then suddenly you bump into a Halo. Petals fall and they emerge beautifully again, When the sun retires for the day, we know that dusk shall arrive soon. Yet we fail to see such beauty in ourselves and others, We despair on and on, Yet never keep faith. Faith that things will turn out well. Faith that life may be a roller coaster, but sooner that later, it will stop. So halt, take a moment And realise that life isn’t a bed of roses. Yet hope is a bud just waiting for the right conditions to bloom.
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The persistence of the wind, Gushing through my hair The soft crunch of the leaves, Compressing under my feet, The quick pace of my legs, Running away from trouble. My heart pounding in my chest, Unwilling to bear the fruit of its own actions I run away. With demons in my head and saints in my soul, I never glanced back. I never turned around to see that the monster I thought was following me, Was, in fact, my shadow itself. I wish I had looked around then, For today I wouldn’t have been frail and weak, Chasing invisibility and running away from my own self.
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Lost in the book, Drowning in an ocean of thoughts, Savouring every last word, Sailing through the life of numerous people effortlessly and swiftly, I learnt. I learnt that life isn’t always what it seems. I learnt that nothing in life is fixed. Shades of grey always exist in contrast to the extremes of black and white. I learnt that life throws innumerable chances and challenges at you. But most importantly I learnt that, Amidst the hundreds of words, There lies a flicker of both glitter and grief. And they both exist within those pages of your life, And with however much turbulence or sunshine each chapter starts, It can’t change the end. That one chapter does not define you. It’s what you make of it, that does.
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I’m in the center of a raging storm, The world seems to be spinning rapidly. My mind is an intertwined havoc of thoughts Bursting with tears, joy and sorrow. I’m fiercely protective of all those I love. With eyes as sharp as an eagle, Cause I can’t bear to see them hurt, broken or depressed. I live off the memories I make with them, Those memories are like small butterflies which flutter in my heart And lift up my mood. So I can’t bear to see you Doing the same things we did, With someone else. Cause then the butterflies turn into moths, And haunt my existence every second of every day. Stay with me. Be with me. And I’ll be there all through, like an otter, Holding your hand through life’s sea.
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_Its terrifying how quick time can pass and blow you away swiftly from those moments of joy. But it’s even more terrifying that sometimes time just stops, especially when you want to leave that moment. Time stops until that sad moment consumes you and you’re left with tears in your eyes. Time has its own speed and wants to impress its own lessons upon us. The speed of time varying is just an illusion created when our surroundings go haywire.
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_ It’s been a while since I walked down memory lane, It took so much for me to leave you behind, In my past. And now I’m revisiting those alleys with confusion, Because I just see dust gathered up, With ‘closed’ signs on shops. I enter into a bookstore, Dusty and full, And I pick up a book to see exactly how it all started, And ended. Scared, I rush out. I bump into many lampposts, Once my guiding lights, Now my distant recollections. And in that moment, I realise, That I left this street a long time back, Including all it’s crossings and shops, For good. Now I’m on another street, Paving my way ahead. I realized that I need to be careful Because the street I’m exploring now, May just be like this haunted, old street someday. So I need to explore every nook and corner, Before dust comes and fogs my memory forever._
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Every once in a while I sit down and gaze, Not into the sky or into dreamy eyes, But into my own body. Given the limited years of my existence, People would say there’s not much experience. Little do they know, Crying starts right from the time of birth. Initially it’s a sign of being alive, Slowly it turns to the want to get away. Scars scatter themselves all through my body. The ones on my body are fading and will continue to. It’s a mixed feeling cause I want to get rid of those nightmares yet I want to remember my bravery As for the scars within, they dont fade. They stay in my heart forever. They cause cracks which can never be filled completely. But with every crack, crevice and scar, I’ve becoming stronger. Stronger to take on the world, Stronger to fight against injustice. Those cracks get filled with experience. Because I know I will always rise up And breathe again. _

Via @mymellowcupcakestudent

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And it’s just one of those days, when all you look forward to is sleeping. And suddenly, you hear this one song which strikes a chord with you and it takes you to distant places and long-forgotten memories. You suddenly enter a world of your own, your body moving with every beat, your heart syncing with every note. You go on like that, and suddenly the song comes to an end. You go back to your normal monotonous life, much happier and joyous just because of that one song. Music makes a difference. It always had and always will.
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_We are all just matchsticks waiting for that one flame to ignite within us a fire. A fire that inspires us and helps us find our passion. A fire than unearths suppressed feelings and emotions buried deep down and pushes us to fight them. A fire that burns till our last breath, second, moment. A fire whose ashes will form, only when no life remains in our soul. Till then, keep burning. If not, then keep wandering in your quest for your ignition. _
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