Summers coming, you know what that means

𝓟𝓞𝓣𝓢

OCD telling me to get up and complete compulsions vs chronic fatigue making be unable to get up at all. FIGHT!

Im fourteen and disabled. Fourteen and in pain. Fourteen and fatigued.

I watch with envy. I hate PE class. I watch as the other kids my age jump and run. I hold the handle of my cane tightly and look down at my weak legs.

If this is me at fourteen what will I be at twenty? I do not even imagine myself at fifty.

I am mentally ill, a teenager and perceived by society as a woman. Therefore my deviating disability symptoms are not taken seriously. You’re just being semantic, trying to get out of work. You’re just stressed, drink some more water, take some vitamins. It’s just your hormones? Everyone gets that at this age!

We suffer needlessly so others can be satisfied in whether we are disabled enough. Think of all the people who could be getting support, how much earlier people could have been diagnosed or cared for. Why did it take me, a 14 year old, to become physically unable to walk to be taken seriously? Even now I am still doubted and dismissed.

between bullying, disability burnout, constant accidents (ie, being accidentally body slammed by almost full grown men), excessive stress, more bullying, horrific and large scale junk food consumption during exam seasons and overall shit fuckery, School is managing to single handedly SLAUGHTER my health. god someone send healing potions. the weakness in my dragon hide is EDUCATIOn. GOOD LORD!

Use the mobility aid. Pay no heed to that terrible voice in your head dear. Your lovely self does not deserve this, does not deserve be to be told they do not have the right to make their life easier. Just because you do not always need a mobility aid, or because your disability is not as severe as others does not mean you should not use it. If a mobility aid assists you then you are who it was made for. All I want you to worry about dear is how you can help yourself. I am so proud of you, those who fake claim you or dismiss your disabilities are ableists. They will claim to be disability advocates however it is entirely clear all they do to our communities is harm. They do not speak for the disabled community. We stand behind you, you do not deserve such mistreatment.

What you do deserve is to take care of yourself. You deserve the the independence a mobility aid gives, the stability and the confidence. You do not deserve to rot away, you do not desrve to ache in pain, nor do you deserve to stumble and fall.

You have a right to mobility aids and disability support. I love you so much, I know I do not know many of you but I can assure now that you’ve got a friend on your side who has a lot of experience in cursing ableists.

I sort of hate how people with disabilities are always expected to be an “inspiration” and in good humour about their disability. We must conform to this idea, hide the worst of our symptoms to make others more comfortable. They are disgusted by our rage. Shout out to disabled people who don’t want to be an inspiration, who are pissed off and sad.

To disabled people, you have a right to support, you have a right to exist.

We must end this idea of “disabled enough” so many of us deny ourselves or have been denied accomodations and support due to this idea. If you benefit from a cane then you have a right to use a cane. You are not taking away resources from others who “actually need it” if it helps you go about your life with greater ease then you are who it was made for. You have a right to use facilities such as priority seats. You have the right to rest. I promise you my dear that does not make you lazy in the slightest. You have a right to ask when you need support you are not being needy or demanding. If you struggle with urgency issues, you have a right to use the disabled bathroom, if you benefit from it then you have a right to use it. If digit toys help you, then you should be able to carry a fidget toy. If you need more time for certain tasks, you have the right to be given such. I cannot stress this enough, this does not make you lazy. Asking for support does not make you selfish.

You have a right to call others out on their ableism. You are not “too sensitive”, having a disability does not mean you always have to be in good humour about your condition, it does not mean you have to take whatever comes your way. If you are being treated cruelly, if you are being dismissed, demeaned, insulted and talked down upon you have a right to address this.

If you benefit from pre-prepared meals, use them!! It does not make you lazy. All I want you to focus on is that you are keeping yourself as well fed as you can. Reduce your struggle wherever possible! What abled people often consider laziness often is in fact rather how a person with a disability is able to assist themself in their daily life. You are allowed to make things easier for you, in fact I ask that you do.

You are allowed to use mobility aids in public, glucose monitors, nasal cannulas or any other devices that keep you safe and healthy. It does not make you look worse, it is not an eyesore or something that must be hidden. Your disability does not make you unpresentable, you have a right to be in public if your disability affects the way you look, if you make noise or you drool. Your disability does not make you unworthy of being seen.

Your disability doesn’t make you “stupid”. Not scoring well in school does not make you stupid, difficulty with reading or speaking does not make you stupid. Inability to work does not make you a burden. Not contributing to capitalism does not mean your life has no value.

Just because your disability is not as severe as that of others does not mean you shouldn’t be given support. The same goes for if you don’t “look” disabled. You do not owe explanations to others, you should not force yourself to do the same things in the same ways as those without your disability. You are going to do things differently and there are going to be things you can’t do. That does not make you lazy.

I tell you this with all the sincerity in my heart, the only person when it comes to your disability you owe anything to is yourself. You have a right to put yourself first. You have a right to rest. You have a right to exist as you are, a person with a disability.