As a kid there was a certain level of confusion for me, being too Korean to fit in with my white family and too white to fit in with my Korean family. Korean was spoken to me when I was young however I do not speak it now. Other Korean kids used to try to speak to me and I’d always be so embarrassed when I couldn’t reply, similar when people would ask me about my culture and I would know next to nothing. I felt so stupid when I couldn’t pronounce basic Korean words correctly, communicating with my family through the few words of Korean I knew and the few words of English they knew.
I think there’s also privilege I have received being relatively white passing. The only time I’ve really experienced racism has been off handed sort of ignorant comments from people when they find out I’m Korean.
I think being half and half, it’s sort of its own culture. A pretty small one as well, even when I meet other people who are half white and Asian, I still feel like an outsider because of how disconnected I am to both my families and cultures.