FOR I AM THE SHAPESHIFTER

My family gatherings are just an hour straight of me wondering how these people aren’t diagnosed. Doctors ask me do you have history of neurodivergence and mental illness in your family? How the fuck do I say that my family are all 100% neurodivergent but they think psychologists and vaccines will turn you into a robot or some shit. People act surprised when I list of all my diagnosis, I promise you this did not come from nowhere. My family has a very long treaty with the ‘tism.

TW meltdown, self harm (kind of), vent

I think I had an autistic meltdown the other day, I was being screamed at so I kind of ended up on the floor repeatedly rocking back and forth, completely nonverbal and hitting myself repeatedly. It did not feel the same as a tic. My therapist doesn’t want to look into an autism diagnosis for me because she thinks it doesn’t matter, but I don’t know I kind of feel like if I’m going nonverbal it does sort of matter? She also said she “doesn’t believe in autistic burnout”

OCD telling me to get up and complete compulsions vs chronic fatigue making be unable to get up at all. FIGHT!

You know those teachers who would have posters in their classrooms like “weird is a superpower” and “in a world where you can be anything, be kind” then would proceed to scream at a neurodivergent child until they cried.

There is no shame in receiving learning support. Needing help doesn’t make you stupid. Our ableist society labels young children as “useless” from a young age, and for what?

Education is a human right. Therefore so is additional learning support. Please, let’s do better for these kids.

So I was diagnosed with “high functioning autism” in the span of two minutes by a psychiatrist (I think that terms a little dated). He asked me a few questions then told me I was autistic. Obviously you’re not supposed to do that. An autism diagnosis should take more time.

I’m confused myself now, I have symptoms of autism but there are also things I lack.

As a child I struggled with social cues and had sensory issues, I was ahead in reading however far behind in other developmental areas.

As of now I don’t really think I’m autistic? I have this sort of algorithm thing I apply to social situations so most of the time I know what people are feeling just not what they’re trying to say. Often I do misinterpret things, miss the punchline of jokes and not notice when people are attempting to be nasty. Usually I have to repeat social interactions to others to figure out what was going on. I think it’s like this for most people though? I don’t know I’m very confused. My therapist doesn’t see any need to look into the diagnosis further saying that it’s just giftedness and general neurodivergence, doesn’t really matter whether I’m autistic or not, etc.

People often assume I am autistic and I do have some symptoms. I’m just very confused as of now. Perhaps I should just leave things where they are and forget about this.

Any other neurodivergents who love yapping about their special interests but have issues with speech so they can’t actually communicate what they’re trying to say. I promise I do know of what I am speaking, my brain just cannot coordinate bodily functions. Tis so frustrating because I am so exited to talk about these things but for whatever reason I cannot!!!

Neurodivergent/disabled people what is the absolute worst place for you to be with your disability?

For me it’s zoos and similar locations (museums, aquariums, etc). There’s a lot of walking involved which is something that I often can’t do (at least not safely and easily). There’s lots of noise and crouding which triggers my tics. Lots of kids = lots of screaming = more tics. Also I have coprolalia (offensive tics) so places with lots of small children are not ideal. Plus lots of kids running around and people cramming around me makes it even more difficult for me to balance when I’m walking.