I’ve been banned from singing Christmas songs since march. So here is my alternative jingle:

Morbid the red beaked gay goose had a very shiny beak and if you ever saw it you would even say holy shit. All of the other gooses used to laugh and call it names, they never let poor morbid join in any honk crime games. Then one sunny Christmas Eve gay Santa came to say, morbid with your snoot so bright won’t you slay my sleigh tonight. All of the gooses loved him and they shouted out with glee, morbid the red beaked gay goose with your gayness nobody can compete

*points snoot sadly*

Putting these up outside all of my mutuals blogs. The honk is always watching and ready to attack….. next one to try something (anon hate, harassment, bullying) is going to get HONKED. HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK‼️‼️🔥🔥💸🗣️🗣️💯¥€£>€¥¥HONK HKNK HONK HKNk🗣️💪💪🗣️🔥‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

HONK! HONK‼️‼️ HONK HINK HINK HONO HONK HONK HONK HONK🗣️🗣️🗣️hoNK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK🔥🔥🔥🔥💪💪💯💯💯HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK💸💸💸💸💸‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️

*gobbles up peas politely*

I thank thee for this kind offering! In return I shall dub thee “goose friend” for thou hath earned our respect. And for my second gift I wish thee healthy crop and a gentle journey, blessings upon thee goose friend.

*honks away*

Geese are hungry *peer pressure* you gonna finish that *peer pressure intensifies*

You don’t want to mess with me, or else they’re gonna pull up.

Honk that’s what I thought. Death by waterfowl (and the short ones, forgot what they’re called, the cockadoodldooododo bird).

Touklosue goose, Brent goose, Canada goose, African goose, Chinese goose, Egyptian goose, barnacle goose, grey goose, snow goose, greylag goose, tufted goose, Sebastopol goose, American buff goose, Roman goose, Shetland goose, pilgrim goose, Pomeranian goose, cotton patch goose, Italian goose, the Tula fighting goose, embden goose, dewlap toulouse goose, Brecon buff goose, buff back goose, steinbacher goose, Czech goose, west of England goose, Steinbeck fighting goose, swan goose, obroshin goose, Twente goose, öland goose, Alsatian goose, bilgorey goose, bourbon goose, curly breasted Sebastpol goose, drava goose—

Broke: tell my parents I’m a medieval goose shapeshifter eternally bound to tormenting the English monarchy

Woke: talk about geese and medieval Europe 24/7, send cryptic messages in Shakespearean into the family group chat and replace common words such as hello with honk so that family members now communicate with me through goose sounds as a “joke” without realising I have tricked them into supporting my identity. Honk honk you hath been fooled

The geese are unionising and they learnt about the weed marijuana cigarettes. even worst the leftist chemicals in the water made them gay. technically about 20% were already gay but I fear they are getting gayer.

Google pictures of geese giving humans cuddles. You won't regret it.

Stares at you like this.

A common behaviour seen amongst geese is that they will gather together family members and others in the gaggle and demonstrate what we in the science world like to call "judging your swag, or lack thereof". The goose will then assert its dominance by side eying you until you cry.

While geese are a remarkably good at violence, majority of things could beat a goose in a fight. But the thing is the geese very often end up harassing and intimidating animals that could kill them in a second. Why? Because even though many animals could easily kill a goose, such animals are still very scared of geese.

In that moment when the honker of death is running at you and honking loud enough to bring about the rapture, you forget entirely that you are up against a small animal. I don’t think geese even realise that they probably couldn’t win a lot of the fights they enter, nobody has updated them that they’re not dinosaurs anymore.

I think that is the profound beauty of being an arsehole and a dick. If you are truly an arsehole your arsehole abilities transcend physical boundaries.