FOR I AM THE SHAPESHIFTER

I was out the other day when this spiritual group approached me. They had this stand set up and were offering “divine healing” and such. One of them saw me and that I had a mobility aid and started questioning me and asking me if I was in pain plus similar shit like that. I wasn’t even walking walking towards the stand, I was walking away from it and one of them went out of their way to chase me down. Can you just fucking leave me alone?!!? Is it that hard?

Grown ass adults approaching me (a minor) on the street so they can take advantage of my pain for the sake of financial gain. In their minds, whether they be Christian, spiritual or any other religion, I am misguided and “cursed”. My entire existence is a story for them to put on their Facebook page, flaunting me about to say “look how nice we are to disabled people!” or manipulate people in pain to think that they can be healed by buying into these scams. A douchebag in a fedora with a crystal isn’t going to heal me of my disabilities.

I’m not your advertisement, not your inspiration and not your money making scheme. Dehumanising me and touching me, giving me unwanted help doesn’t make you an angel just a piece of shit. I’m done letting people treat me like an accessory. If that makes me a “bad disabled” then so fucking be it. If people aren’t going to treat me like a person I don’t think I should be forced to accomodate to them . They are grown ass adults and they are making my life hell.

It’s scary when you have paralysis and can go paralysed at any moment but you can’t access a wheelchair. If I go paralysed in public like on the sidewalk somewhere?!! I just have to wait there sprawled on the floor. I thought I was just being dramatic but when I mentioned it to my friends they all looked at me really concerned and said “isn’t that really dangerous?”

Answer: yes but doctors don’t care because “it’s all in my head” and “it’s good for me to struggle a bit, it’ll help me get better”.

FNDs a real motherfucker. My body went paralysed today so I had to drag myself across the dirty floor to get to my bed. Sometimes my parents will have to lift me into one of those office chairs with wheels so I can be moved. All because my fucking neurologist keeps refusing to treat me and instead sharing my medical records with her colleagues without my permission. Even though she’s never talked to me about my mental health she also wants to undiagnosed me with adhd and ocd. She also (double also) diagnosed me with functional tics however when asked she didn’t know what a functional tic is. Apparently you can diagnose people with things even if you don’t know what they are as long as you make as much money as she does

She has “forbidden” me from getting any other mobility aids and said it’s good for me to struggle a bit. So guess I’ll just keep dragging Myself across the dirty floor so I can get food and water. Thanks Doctor!

I keep accidentally calling my cane my cocaine.

To the people who see someone with a mobility aid or other accessibility tool and think they can tell if the persons faking, please shut the fuck up. Often these people’s “LOOK THEYRE FAKING” moment is when they see something such a wheelchair stand up or move their leg, they see someone with a cane not using it for a moment or holding it, a deaf person who can speak, a blind person whose eyes don’t “look” blind, someone with a service dog who is not visibly disabled.

The truth is you can’t tell if someone’s faking needing a mobility aid or tool by looking at them, how can you when you don’t know what they use it for?

With my cane some days I rely on it heavily, I use it for every step and cannot walk without it. Some days my body is fully paralysed, numb, weak, fatigued and in pain. However some days I can run and jump and walk just fine. Whenever I’m in public I bring my cane with me for safety, in case I have a sudden issue. If you see me carrying my cane and not using it, that doesn’t mean that I’m faking. If I’m walking through a narrow space and I pick up my cane, that doesn’t mean that I don’t actually need it.

Same goes for any other disability. Tics manifest in different ways, not seeing me tic for a while doesn’t mean I’m faking it. I have tics and not even I could tell if someone’s tics are fake. If I can’t tell then you, a person who knows very little about tics most definitely cannot.

Perhaps you meet autistic person who enjoys social settings or makes eye contact, a person with adhd that seems like they have everything under control, someone with depression who looks “fine”, a person with any neurodivergence who doesn’t act like your mums friends sisters brothers sons hamsters beauticians gynaecologists nephew who also has said diagnosis.

Disabilities affect people in unique ways, you cannot know someone’s experiences and medical history just by looking at them.

Fake claiming is ableism disguised as disability advocacy.

Today I was chased by a group of about seven boys. They started mocking me and yelling and spitting at me and throwing sticks. I asked them to leave, they kept getting closer to me refusing to let me go all while carrying large sticks. One of them started filming me, I asked over and over again for them to leave me alone. Each time I tried to run they followed and threatened me. Because I had my cane they were able to figure out who I was and that I went to the same school as them. As they got closer I ended up running, they screamed after me threatening what I think was either “get the fuck back here or I’ll shake you up” but it could have been beat you up. I hid and called for help. They kept looking for me and yelling after me, when I got my phone out to call my dad they thought I was filming them and ran.

I am female presenting and visibly disabled as they were cornering me I was separated from my mobility aid. I was alone, there would have been at least seven of those boys. People think that this kind of behaviour is a rare occurrence, that nobody would do something like that. It’s not rare. I experience this everyday. Everyday I go to school I am afraid because I know I’m not safe. I can’t use the student bathrooms because people will corner me there. I’m constantly on edge and looking behind me because I know that I’m not safe.

Kids of any minority group are not safe. How can you sit about here acting as if these things are not an issue when children are in danger? Everyone’s entitled to your opinions but I’m not too eager to respect your fucking opinions when they end with me in danger. When they end up with me an actual child, in a situation where I thought I was going to die. It’s more than an opinion when I’m not safe at school, it’s more than an opinion when videos filmed of me without my consent are all over the internet. It’s not just an opinion.

Queer kids de not safe.

Disabled kids are not safe.

Children of colour are not safe.

Jewish kids are not safe.

Muslim kids are not safe.

If you are racist, homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, ableist or any other kind of bigot it’s more than just an opinion.

You contribute to violence against kids.

So much of what society treats as a joke is just mocking disability. Their idea of lazy is a disabled person trying to survive, whether that be living with their parents as an adult or using pre prepared food. Cringe culture is based entirely around mocking neurodivergent people and their interests. Symptoms and characteristics of disability such as urgency issues, drooling, tremors, tics, strabismus and speech impediments are used as cheap punchlines.

In children’s tv shows disabled characters such as those with speech impediments are treated as a joke, with symptoms of disability being portrayed as synonymous to stupid.

This idea is being taught from a young age in the media and it’s engrained into our language and culture. This goes beyond jokes, it contributes to the alienation of people with disabilities.

Once you start noticing these things you realise how constant and normalised it is.

Reducing an entire person to a punchline is wrong. Using a disability symptom as an insult is wrong. It’s disturbing how normalised it is to not treat people with basic decency and respect.

I’ve noticed that in the drama group I’m in a lot of the time the improv characters people make up are just imitations of people with disabilities. Faking a limp or manipulating their body to mock people with cerebral palsy or imitating speech impediments and people with intellectual disabilities. I felt particularly alienated when one kid made a cripple joke and everyone laughed, people who claim to be “politically correct”, people who I consider my friends. People who call themselves disability allies, who call themselves punks. Everyone’s a leftist, everyone’s all for being kind until it comes to disabled people.

In the past year my health has declined rapidly. I thought people cared (they don't).

When it comes to my disability there are a few jokes people make at me without fail. First and foremost, the old person jokes. Maybe I’m being sensitive but it just pisses me off, it wasn’t funny the first time or the next fifteen times you parroted it back at me. You can call me old for my nightgown, my granny rollers, my music taste, how I talk and my interests but for the love of god leave the cane out of it. Once had a person look at me and laugh while saying “I bet you’ll be in a wheelchair by your twenties with the way things are going”.

There’s that and the “beat people up with your cane” joke. I need that cane. If I weaponise it I can’t take it to places where I need it. If I can’t carry it with me I’m trapped in my house. The system does not give a shit about disabled people. It doesn’t matter if I’m being harassed over and over again, the moment I fight back I lose all the accomodations I need to survive.

At this point what upsets me the most is that it’s so annoying. I mean gods!! Think of another joke. I’m almost certain that every disabled person has that one joke that they hear constantly.

When I tell people I’m bullied for my disability, often the first thing that is said is “you should just hit them with the cane”. I don’t think they understand that I f I do that I risk losing the “privilege” of freely using a cane.

I don’t think these jokes come from a place of malice, but it just really shows how little the majority of the population understand how crucial the use of mobility aids are to disabled people.

You think I don’t want to tell these people to fuck off? You think I don’t want to stand up for myself? Of course I do. I hate having to sit and take this torment. But guess what happens if I do? I lose leniency, provisions and protections that I now have.

The people who bully me, I am afraid of them. I don’t trust that adults will handle them correctly. I don’t trust that I am safe at school. The reality is that if someone wanted to hurt me, it could be done.

I don’t like having to smile and nod when people touch my cane, when they take away my autonomy. I don’t like having to answer invasive questions. I hate being stared at, I hate being called “special”. I hate having to stand by through intimidation and mocking but this is my life. This is what I must do.

I don’t ever see myself being free from the “good cripple” charade. My cane is not an advantage. It is being held at my throat by our ableist society.

Is there a t4t but for disabled people?

Disabled people are people. Therefore you can’t start touching me or grabbing my things without permission. If I say don’t touch me you do not ignore my wishes because I’m disabled. Just like any other person I have a right to autonomy over my body and my decisions. Unless you have been given permission or it’s an emergency, you cannot simply start touching me. I’m not an object I am a person. Being disabled doesn’t mean you, a random stranger get to make decisions for me. If it seems someone is in need of help ask them. If they say no you don’t then forcefully help them because you think you know better than them what they need.

Can the “disability allies” who know nothing about disabilities stop fake claiming disabled people. You’re not a hero and you’re not going to get a pat on the back. All you’re doing is making it so disabled people do not receive the support and care they need.

For the last fucking time. It’s better to let a few fakes run around than jeopardise the health and wellbeing of entire communities. If someone is spreading misinformation or harm, that should be dealt with. That is when you take action. Most definitely not when you look at someone and you think they “don’t look disabled”. You cannot determine a persons medical conditions based on vibes and a single video of them. Come down from heaven arsehole you’re not Jesus Christ himself.

I made a bingo chart, if I'm going to be harassed and not treated as a person I might as well get some amusement out of it!! feel free to join in!

Being disabled doesn’t mean I owe abled people shit. It’s not my job to make you realise that disabled people are people, you should already fucking know that. I should not have to grapple and fight to be treated like a fucking person. It’s not my job to sit idle and take your shit. I shouldn’t have to act passive and mellow like a drugged animal so you feel comfortable being around me. I shouldn’t be forced to jump through hoops to be taken seriously. I’m not your inspiration porn, I’m not an example to be made out of, I’m not something for you and your useless mates to laugh at. Don’t you dare touch my fucking cane, don’t mimic my tics. Take cripple out of your vocabulary you intolerant fuck.

If you treat me like shit that’s what you’re going to get back.