No More Running (Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader) Lil bit of angst and a lil bit of fluff!
You usually went for a snack some time after dinner. It usually stopped you from making something ridiculous in the middle of the night. Plus, it meant you had the excuse to wander the tower and pester your team.
You were making your way to the kitchen and just before reaching the main hallway, hushed voices drifted to where you were. One was deep and gentle. A man. The other was far softer. A woman. The tone didn’t carry like a normal conversation. It was almost cautious. Hesitant. The volume just low enough to make only certain words decipherable. Curiosity quickly got the better of you and so you padded gently to the corner. Slowly, you leaned around the corner and caught sight of two blondes. Steve and Natasha.
One of the two shifted and the sudden panic all but threw you behind the corner, heart hammering in your ears. As the two kept talking, it was clear that no one else was supposed to hear them. Words were hushed and spoken with rapid fire. Guilt bubbled its way into your chest, realising just how much you were invading their privacy. Then there was something that made you pause. A question from Steve. His voice was full of its usual concern. “I can see it in your eyes. The panic. What’s gotten you so scared?” You should have left. You found you couldn’t. You and Natasha had grown close. Close enough that she had begun to divulge secrets of her past to you. Close enough that she had kissed you. Then all at once, she had shut you out. Like slamming a door in your face. You had tried to talk to her. Find out if there was something you had done wrong. Natasha dodged you at every turn. Expertly. Which had brought a sting to your eyes more than once, the rest of the team trying to check in on you. You had known and accepted your feelings for the assassin a long time ago. Weeks before you had kissed. When the kiss had happened, you thought that maybe Nat had felt the same. Then she all but disappeared.
You waited for Natasha to answer Steve. Waited for what seemed like an eternity. Then finally, she spoke. “Y/N.”
“Y/N? Why? What’s she done?” Steve’s concerned tone only grew more severe. He had seen how Nat’s avoidance had been effecting you. A sigh followed. Almost sad. “Nothing. I mean…nothing wrong. Exactly.” “Nat. What’s going on?”
“She’s…I don’t know. Gotten to me. I’ve-I’ve told her things. Things about my past.” You heard someone moving, a rustle of fabric. “I can…let my guard down…with her. I feel…” Natasha trailed off, unsure of what to say next. “Safe? Normal?” Nat laughed and if it weren’t for her response, you’d have been hurt more than you already were. “Normal? No. But Y/N makes it okay to not be normal. Like it’s a good thing. Like…like I have nothing to apologise for.” A pause. “So…safe? Yeah.” “And that scares you.” “More than I’d like to admit, Cap.” Steve’s tone sounded as shocked as you felt. “You love her.” There was no inflection to make it a question. It was a statement. A clear observation on his part. “Yeah.” Was the only response and you had to fight to remember how to breathe. Your chest constricted painfully and tears stung behind your eyes. This was why she’s been avoiding me?
“And it scares you because you could lose her. Because you think she’ll see you as you are and run…or someone’ll come for her.” Steve knew what it felt like. He had been there more than enough times.
When there was no sound from Nat, you assumed she’d given him some sort of cue.
The silence that followed was almost deafening, if only for the pulse thundering in you ears. You almost thought they’d left the room, when Nat’s voice carried around the corner. “What does it matter now?” You cringed. Her voice was bitter. Sharp and biting. “What do you mean?” “I’ve already messed up Steve. She’s already gone.” Under that sharpness was something else. Something that made you brace against the wall to stop yourself from throwing your body into the kitchen. You wanted to shake her, tell her that she was wrong. But you didn’t. You waited. “Nat,” Steve sighed. “Y/N isn’t like us. She might have powers. And she’s been through a lot. More than what we know. But she faces those things head on. Her fears, her flaws, her mistakes. All of it.” Steve paused a moment before he spoke again. “Look, I don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to this sort of thing. But I can see that Y/N cares about you. A lot. Just go talk to her. Y/N’s been trying to get a hold of you for days.” “I know.” “You know.” “I’ve been avoiding her.” Nat almost sounded guilty. Ashamed. Steve’s sigh was bigger this time. “Nat-“ “I kissed her, Steve.” The air was suddenly gone from the room. You couldn’t breathe. “I kissed her and I ran. I haven’t spoken to her. I haven’t trained her.” Natasha’s voice had started to shake. Ever, ever so slightly. “I kissed her and I just left her there. I. Messed. Up.” You could tell she wasn’t crying, but it was the closest you’d heard her come to it. As much as you were angry. As much as you were hurt, you hadn’t considered a reason why Nat had run that wasn’t your fault. You had been at least a little selfish. Nat was scared and you hadn’t realised. With Nat’s confession, you stepped around the corner. Thankfully, Nat was standing with her back to you, her head down. She hadn’t seen you yet. Steve caught your gaze over Nat’s head and when he moved around her, he said nothing. He knew you’d heard. As the super soldier left the room he called over his shoulder. “Now’s a good time to fix it!” Natasha swivelled so fast she almost fell over. “Y/N!” It was the first time you’d seen her even remotely rattled. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Your voice was barely more than a whisper, hurt evident in your tone.
Nat cast panicked eyes everywhere but toward your face. Like she was trying to find the best route to escape the room. “I couldn’t-I didn’t mean-I just-if you-“ You stepped closer and Nat promptly closed her mouth, involuntarily stepping backward. “Nat, I heard everything. I know you were-are scared.” You continued to walk forward. Slowly. Tentatively. Nat continued to walk backward, stopping when her back hit the kitchen countertop. Your hand lifted, itching to just be able to touch her and when she flinched, you paused. But when you read no rejection, you let your palm rest against her cheek. Nat’s gaze was glued to yours and you could almost see the thoughts racing behind it. “You don’t have to be scared, Nat. Not about this. Not about losing me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not running. Not from this. From your past. From you.” Tears stung your eyes, throat tightening enough to make your voice crack. “I want you. All of you. Everything. Good and bad because all of what you’ve been through makes you who you are now. And that’s what’s important to me.” Wetness fell onto the hand against Natasha’s face and it took you a moment to realise the assassin was crying. “And what if someone else takes you from me? I couldn’t live with myself if I let something happen to you.”
You gave her a wry smile. “You need to trust me. You need to trust in my abilities. I might not be an assassin. Or a super soldier. Or a demigod. But you’ve seen what I can do and what I’m capable of.” Your smile softened. “You can’t be there to protect me, every second of every day. Worrying about me like this…it’ll tear you apart. It’ll kill you. And you and I both know that if you ‘let’ that happen, I’ll bring you back just so I can kick your ass.” Nat laughed. It was clipped and short. But she laughed and the sound made that knot in your throat a little less painful.
“I know what I’m signing up for, Nat. I know the risks and I’m willing to take the chance. Because I love you and I have for a while.” You could have sworn she stopped breathing and before you could ask her if she was okay, Nat surged forward. Nat’s mouth was on yours, hard and bruising with a clash of teeth but you didn’t care. Nat’s hands found their way to your waist and yours found their way to her hair, a gentle tug on the blonde waves was enough to ease her urgency. The kiss softened and when you finally broke apart, Nat tucked herself under your chin and wrapped her arms around your middle. “I can’t promise I won’t worry and I…don’t know how to do this. Not for real.” “I know. But I’ll always be here to help you figure it out.” “I’m sorry I ignored you, Y/N.” There was that tightness to her voice again and you pulled away from her, tilting her head up so her eyes met yours. “I know. Just remember you don’t have to run from me, yeah?” “I don’t deserve-“ “Stop.” Your tone was harsher than you intended, but it made Nat pause. “Please don’t. You know exactly what I’ll say. And you HAVE to trust me. Can you?” Nat’s green eyes stared up at you…and into you. Searching for something. What, you didn’t know. Though after another moment, she seemed to find it. She didn’t say anything. Just stepped back into your arms, tucking herself tight against you. You both knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Both knew It could hit the fan at any moment. Both knew you could lose the other in a fraction of a second. But you both felt too much for one another to not take the chance. Both had gone through too much, given too much. Had too much taken from you, not give yourselves a chance at something this beautiful. A/N: So! I have a crap ton of ships to get through and a couple fic requests, that I will be working on this week. I cannot apologise enough for being so MIA, I have just been hella busy. I will get through everyone’s requests as quickly as possible and give you the best stuff I can xx Hope you enjoy this one! - J xoxo