Meredith IRL; things suck

Hi friends,

I guess my response to emotional distress is either OMG CAN’T WRITE or OMG UPSET, COMFORT WRITING.  So, at least for now, I’m in the second phase, though I could revert to the first phase at any moment.  But while I’m feeling communicative, I thought I’d share.

I just spent the weekend with my beloved friend, R, for a writing retreat.  I got a COVID test before seeing her and, well, as you may know from previous posts, she has Stage IV metastatic breast cancer so she really needs the support despite (especially because of!) the pandemic.  Earlier this summer, she had a mastectomy and seemed to be feeling way better; stuff was seeming good.  But her scans came back Friday and there are new cancer growths on her liver, in her bones, and on her lungs.  So she’s being removed from the drug trial she was on. 

This is her fourth failed treatment.  Every time a treatment fails, her chances of living to her 37th bday go down.  A lot.  The next treatment down the list has a “really high success rate.”  That means 30%.  But 70% odds that it FAILS. 

I’ve been super optimistic since she was diagnosed last January, but it’s really hurting to see her in so much distress and even my hope and optimism is starting to take a beating.  I’m starting to really grasp she may not be with me for much longer.  And it just sucks.  And is unfair. 

Meanwhile, my other best friend is trying to leave her abusive partner after 8 years together and I’m so afraid that her latest attempt to leave is going to flame out too and she’ll go back to that horrible woman who treats her like shit.

So, between supporting R. and A and a global pandemic and volunteering to try and avert Trumppocalye II . . . .

I’m just low.

If you’re prayerful, please say a prayer for me and R and A, or send good energies or whatever or kind words or whatever.  

And since BDSM!hooker Steve is currently what I’m working on instead of actual work for my job--oh, yeah, that’s stressful these days too!--you may get more fic soon.  Cheer-leading of any and all sort appreciated. 

Thanks for reading.  I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy and have people who love and support you.  <3