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The Average Eye

@mrsbeaujangles / mrsbeaujangles.tumblr.com

INFJ. Whovian. "Everywhere we look, the complex magic of nature blazesbefore our eyes." Formerly: secondhandtype40tardis
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spongebobssquarepants
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8og

freshman: *screaming and laughing* me, with dead eyes: looke….i understand u havent yet lost ur childlike optimism but it is 8 in the fucking mornign

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dvasxmeka

First, a bit of background - I have lived with a girl for 4 years after putting an ad out online. She pays her bills and is never there at the weekends, while I’m rarely there during the week. However - she is unbelievably lazy, selfish and messy (imagine those shock images of student houses and you’re not far off).

I’ve spent 4 years getting petty revenge on my flat mate in the most passive aggressive ways possible. My objective is for her to never realise I’m responsible. Here is story number 1:

The Offence: Christmas 2014. I have bought 6 bottles of wine for my Nan at a cost of around £30/bottle. Before I can gift them, I return home one night to find she and her boyfriend have helped themselves to one of the bottles…

HER: “Oh I had one of your bottles of wine. I hope you don’t mind. I’ll replace it.

ME: “Errr… Ok. Right.”

Bottle is replaced with Sainsbury’s Basics Red Table Wine at approximately £3 in value. Was given the replacement the night before I was due to travel to my Nan’s leaving me with half a present and a disappointed grandmother.

Petty Revenge: For over 2 years now, I have been sealing all of her bottles and jars with gorilla glue before she opens them for the first time. Tomato ketchup? Gorilla glue. Laundry detergent? Gorilla glue. All those bottles of nail polish just left lying around on the hallway floor? Gorilla glue. I’m a regular maestro when it comes to gorilla gluing things without leaving any evidence.

I gorilla glued her light bulb in to its socket so when it blew, she needed to replace the whole lamp. I gorilla glued the windscreen washer fluid cap on to her car. I gorilla glued the caps on to all the pens she bought when she got in to that adult colouring-in phase.

So far she’s invested in 3 automatic jar openers to no avail and thrown away dozens of items. It’s never been mentioned to me and I assume she thinks she’s just weak and this is normal.

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mrsbeaujangles

HA! omg that is insanely genius

Source: redd.it
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dvasxmeka

me *surrounded by a pack of wolves that are about to eat me*: settle down puppies!! I only have two hands , i cant pet you all at the same time!!!!! Haha !!!! i love you all

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Weighed myself before my doctors appointment follow up on my birth control and then at the doctors where I actually weighed 3.4 pounds lighter than what my scale said. This could be because it says “Lo” like low battery? or because our floor is not a good place for our scale - it changes by more than a pound depending on where i place it in the bathroom.  I’m taking this as a kick-start to my weight-loss inspiration and not weighing myself on our scale anymore since it cannot be reliable. I might even use Publix’s new one maybe once a week. =) 

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spongebobssquarepants

How my internet addiction started

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mrsbeaujangles

Oh god...... Please bring more of this back for me. Pretty sure that's the myscene girls website makeover game??

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