i wanna talk about this shot

if forum signatures still existed this would be mine

God fucking damn it

you know what lets actually bring back lolcats, they were so simple and so benevolent. like check this out

Here’s my favorite lolcat:

Next stop: Noobshire

it’s often the cute meme’s that age well once you get past the “literally everywhere” phase.

I like this classic

More classics

I went through almost ten years of photos on my Facebook page go find this

But WAIT! DO NOT FORGET. the granddaddy: 

HOLD UP THERE 

SKIPPY 

“I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER” GOT FAMOUS OFF THE BACKS OF THE PIONEERING LOLCATS

THIS WAS IN THE BEFORE-TIMES 

WHEN THEY WERE KNOWN AS 

CAT MACROS 

AND THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO MAKE ANY SENSE

AND NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO SCROLL THROUGH A FUCKIN’ FEW MORE

  https://youtu.be/UF2bVxFRKhA

THERE WAS A SONG.

“Jesus Christ it’s a lion get in the car!” still pops into my head on a regular basis. Same with “eh meh gherd” (“oh my god”).

Also long cat. I’m sad no one posted long cat.

Also- I can’t find it right now, for some reason- but the “happycat has run out of happy” was referencing not just the format of “[thing]cat is [thing]” but specifically another meme with an identical cat smiling (“happycat is happy”). Possibly it’s the same cat.

I’m sorry but I HAD TO reblog this because so many crack me up. If I was on my laptop, I’d add more because I still have a fuckin’ file of this shit. The “omg it’s a lion” one is something I actually say sometimes when something is going down. I was surprised that “Godspeed, Moon Cat” wasn’t here, LOL!

I’m not even sorry. This is like a fraction of what I have.

I do not understand this new generation of kids doing the internet equivalent of going into a clearly marked strip club, showing a fake ID to the bouncer and then being shocked and appalled by it being full of adults and strippers.

Well I had this whole paragraphs-long response I added, and you got it in like. A sentence.

like i get this argument, i really do, and there really is only so much content creators can do to try and stop children consuming content not suitable for them

BUT we cannot trust a thirteen year old to have the maturity and foresight to know what is and isn’t good for them. Yeah, their gaurdians should be the ones looking out for them and trying to stop them from getting hurt, but in your library analogy, when the library chooses to have that content it’s also somewhat responsible for restricting access to it - whether that’s putting those books somewhere the librarian can monitor most of the time, or having a slightly restricted sentence you need to be registered and have a verified age to go into, but there needs to be something - if you knowingly let unmonitored kids into your buisness, but especially if you encourage them like libraries do, you are responsible for their safety- it takes a village to raise a child and we are all responsible for their safety

that said it’s deffo not the authors responsibility, but the host, tumblr, ao3, where ever. they gotta do something

They literally already are. Rating and tagging everything as mature and clearly marking content is the barrier. This isn’t a movie theater or a library. None of those websites are KNOWINGLY allowing children into their business, because EVERYONE IS INVISIBLE.

There is literally no way to effectively bar children from accessing content they shouldn’t have access to, that doesn’t involve gross invasions of privacy. You can ban all children from a website and that STILL won’t work because there is no actual way to accurately determine who is and isn’t a child. In a lot of cases the bare minimum you can do is just outright ASK if they are a child, but then they LIE and there is no way to STOP them from lying or even figuring out IF they are lying. Hell, not even outright banning all icky things will work, as Tumblr’s disastrous NSFW ban has shown us.

‘We all have a collective responsibility to protect children’ only goes so far. If all children are invisible and can be literally anywhere at any point, ‘collective responsibility’ ends up meaning ‘in your day to day life, you must always act under the assumption that there MIGHT HYPOTHETICALLY be a child in the room’. We can’t help raise a child if we literally cannot see them and don’t even have any way of confirming their existence. And it is going too damn far to tell adults they are not allowed to do adult things with other adults because a child MIGHT POTENTIALLY be able to see them do it, even if they’re not supposed to, especially if they’re not supposed to. It’s also going too far to tell all websites that they are responsible for keeping track of legions of invisible, hypothetical, lying children.

All methods of reliably confirming people’s age online are immediately gross and dangerous invasions of privacy. All measures to try and prevent children from seeing things they shouldn’t are flimsy, at best. The MOST EFFECTIVE thing is the thing we are doing already: meticulously tagging and archiving content with extensive filters and multiple warnings, so that every potential viewer can make an informed decision about what they choose to look at.

Which means that, at the end of the day, dumb 13-year-olds and the few people in their lives who can see them as Not Invisible are going to have to take responsibility for themselves, and potentially each other.

Hey so also, just to address part of what lnalovegd said, that thing about libraries being somewhat responsible for restricting access to certain materials…

No, actually.

That is the opposite of what libraries are supposed to do.

Public libraries do not–and CANNOT–restrict materials. At all. You hear every now and again of some that do. It is not a good road to go down. I live in a city with a lot of conservatives (the attempt at a drag queen storytime nearly got the library defunded by a lot). Whose judgement do you use? How do you determine that?

You could say “ratings” but honestly, that’s still not great, since LGBTQ things get rated higher than hetero things. Books don’t really have ratings, and they shouldn’t.

When I worked at the desk of the public library, one thing we HAD to practice was impartiality. It meant handing people hateful books like Anne Coulter’s drek without a side eye. It also meant that if a kid showed up at the desk with a library card and, say… Saw or the Godfather… well. I was going to check it out to them. That’s how public libraries run. Anyone can check out anything, and parental approval is not needed (for us. Parents might have other ideas. I still get mad remembering this woman who wouldn’t let her son check out Calvin & Hobbes or certain other books. But again, I did not say a word. Neutrality).

It’s crucial to a public library that we operate like that.

Libraries do not restrict material. We can organize it. Kids sections, teen sections, adult sections. But no librarian or library tech is going to monitor what children are checking out.

Yeah, kids won’t always know what they’re picking up. The first romance I ever picked up had sex and graphic medieval torture in it. I sure wasn’t expecting it. I stopped reading it. Then when the internet happened…hoo boy, you kids should have seen that wild west.

Comparatively now, I see folks really make every effort to use tags and warnings. Maybe you know what it means, maybe you don’t. But they’re there. They’re the best method we have for keeping content away from people who would be emotionally harmed by it, or who just plain don’t want to see it.

At the end of the day, if you’re old enough to go looking for content on your own, you’re going to have to accept that you might see things you don’t want to see. Yes, even as kids.

There are kid-friendly websites and forums where you can go if you don’t want to deal with that.

The fact that so many people just blithely go ‘oh, well of course libraries restrict what content they’ll allow minors to access and monitor what they check out and notify their guardians if they’re reading something (that the librarian deems) inappropriate’ always makes me want to scream.

Just to add on: a small town in Wisconsin went through this ~10 years ago, when local conservatives tried to get YA books with LGBT content moved to the adult section and labeled “sexually explicit” to try and deter children from accessing them. Librarians refused, and in retaliation the town council refused to renew the contracts of four library board members for supporting them. 

The books stayed where they were.

Librarians do NOT fuck around.

Yeah, I just want to say as someone who works in a library, that it’s absolutely NOT my job to smack books out of kids hands? Sometime last year a 12 year old girl wanted to read YA books and her guardian was down for it so we handed her The Cruel Prince, Children of Blood and Bone, and Eragon (likes fantasy series) and like all of those contain content that I might cringe to give my own 12 year old niece–but dad was okay with it. She decided for herself that she wasn’t about that Cruel Prince vibes and put it down before it got to the sex and “adult man on teen girl” action–which has always been the goal.

Libraries want children and adults to monitor their own consumption of materials, children with the guidance of their parents until they can make that decision for themselves. 

^^^^ This?? does not exist. Especially not the bolded part. There’s actually more monitoring in children’s areas for children’s books that are made for children than there is in the adult section. We barely watch those books and if a 8 year old wants to read The Shining? Holla. Mom signed off on his card, she better be watching. 

This scene here with Matilda could never have happened if Libraries required matilda to have a “rated access” on certain books. Charles Dickens, at the lowest, is usually sorted into YA. Remember, Matilda is going into kindergarten.

I was ten or eleven when I started pulling books off the romance novel shelves. My dad saw, took me aside, and told me the books had some parts that might make me uncomfortable, and if I was uncomfortable, that it was ok to skip a few pages and get back to the story.

He didn’t bar me from reading or censor my chosen content; he gave me the tools to make my own decisions.

When I was ten or eleven, I read all of my dad’s Stephen King and John Grisham books, because they were books and they were in my house and I’d run out of new things to read. 

Were they appropriate for me? No. 

Should my parents have noticed me reading them, and stopped me? Probably!

Is that the fault of anyone outside my house? also no.

The thing is, a couple of years later when I started reading fanfic, I knew, from that experience, that I did not want to read fiction with a lot of violence or explicit sex, so I avoided fic labeled as such and back-buttoned out of a lot of stories as soon as the kissing started.

My 12 year old is a voracious reader. We talk about book series she’s interested in. Sometimes I google the ones I’m not too sure about and sometimes I know them already - but I’ve never outright told her she couldn’t read a specific book or series of books. We talk about the content and why I think it might not be age appropriate (she reads at college level) but she gets to make those decisions for herself.

This year she discovered ao3 (please god don’t let her find me I’d never recover from the embarrassment and neither would she) and we talked about what the ratings and warning tags were about and for. I don’t police her reading but I give her the tools and information to make informed and (I hope) good choices.

As a parent that’s my real job. To provide tools and guidance, not police her content consumption or hide things from her.

Don’t make fandom censorship about “but think of the childrenz” becayse that’s not what it is. It’s not really about children - it’s about virtue signaling.

Parenting is about thinking about the kids; fandom is about making content you enjoy creating and enjoying the content that’s been created. Properly tagged fanfiction is probably safer for kids in that regard than wandering unaccompanied around the library and picking up, for example, Clan of the Cave Bear which triggered me so hard (at 11) that I’ve never fully recovered.

ALSO also?

Every kid is different.

I was reading books WAY above my age level as a kid. And here’s the thing:

Agatha Christie, with all its murder and lying and people having affairs? I loved it. (Still love it.) Mysteries were my lifeblood and I still adore them.

Stephen King, who I now love? I was TERRIFIED of Stephen King. I picked up my first King at 17, and it was because I’d seen a tiny bit of The Tommyknockers as a kid (my mom recorded it to watch at night, I sneaked out of my room, this isn’t on her) and it scared the bejeezus out of me, and I thought reading the book might help. (It did!)

But on a “rating” system, King and Christie would probably be about the same. One was a favorite. One I wouldn’t touch for fear. Another kid might be the exact opposite—just fine with the monsters and horror, but horrified of the murder.

At some point, you have to let the kids decide. You can’t always be there.

The internet isn’t your babysitter. Be responsible for the media you consume.

If something isn’t for you, put it down and walk away.

It’s no one’s problem but yours if you encounter content that upsets you.

The moment you call for restrictions on written media is the moment you have decided to hand authorities too much power over the written word. That never ends well, never.

Here’s a thing I’ve tried to say before, and I’ll try to say again:  I don’t blame kids for wishing that random adults would give them more help controlling their impulses around things that are intriguing-yet-disturbing (which includes, but is not limited to, sexual content).  The problem is mistaking that wish for an actual responsibility on the part of strangers.  

Controlling impulses is the number 1 thing that adolescents are known to be, neurologically, bad at, and when things are working as they should, they would be getting that help, from the adults who actually know and love them.  But there are a lot of parents & other caregivers who have either abdicated that responsibility (sometimes for sympathetic reasons, such as being overwhelmed with other issues, sometimes for shitty ones), or go too far in the other direction and try to block their children from seeing/reading/hearing/watching anything they might have questions about, rather than genuinely helping them to understand their own comfort levels around certain types of content.  

If you’re a teenager and you don’t have anyone you can turn to for help finding content that meets your comfort level, or identifying what should go on your personal No Fly List, or working through your feelings when you inadvertently see something that disturbs you, that sucks.  It’s a shitty situation, and you deserve better.

You do not, however, deserve it from every random stranger on the entire internet.  For all the reasons that have been amply explained upthread, it’s just too big an ask to expect literally everyone else in the world to pick up the slack left by the adults who are actually supposed to looking out for you.  

If creators are tagging accurately, rating appropriately, and using content warnings, they are exercising the maximum level of care for your well-being that is appropriate to the relationship they have with you, a teenager they have never met or interacted with.  

If you see something and think, “Someone should have stopped me from seeing that,” you’re right.  But the person who should have stopped you isn’t the person who wrote or drew it.  That is not the relationship they have with you.  

As an emerging adult, you should be developing the critical thinking skills and emotional awareness to recognize when something’s starting to make you uncomfortable, and the self-confidence to nope out when it does.  If the people who are actually bringing you up aren’t helping you with that–or are actively hindering you from developing those skills–that really, really sucks.  Take a minute to be mad about it–and then start developing those skills on your own.  

(Here’s a free hint:  A main reason that you may have trouble identifying and acting on your own discomfort is if your caregivers send chaotic signals about safety versus danger: exaggerating or inventing dangers in situations that are really safe, or putting you in dangerous situations and acting like it’s normal.  Either one can fuck up your threat-detection system.  You can start to re-calibrate it by consciously checking in with yourself:  how am I feeling right now?  What physical sensations or thoughts accompany this emotion?  Do I want to keep feeling this way?  If not, what activity/aspect of my environment/etc. is contributing to feeling this way?  What will happen if I stop doing the thing/remove the thing from my environment?  Is there a benefit to pushing through my discomfort?  Is there a downside to opting out?  If I decide to push through, is there something I can do to make myself more comfortable?)

[Gif ID/ Matilda from the movie Matilda saying “Lately I’ve been reading Charles Dickens. I could read him every day.” /End ID]

Other people have addressed the whole “can kids work out whats appropriate” bit but I wanna expand on that

Being able to determine what they can handle is a SKILL, not a marker of maturity that will develop regardless when you hit the Correct Age (as im sure we all can see, with the fandom discourse on this site, many adults did not spontaneously develop this). And given the right opportunities, education and support, a child can develop that skill quite early. I can for the most part trust my 10 year old’s judgement, and the rest we discuss together.

For a child to properly develop this skill, you need a few things. A trusted adult that does NOT clutch their pearls at everything, an explanation of WHY said adult may approve or veto some media, and the opportunity for the child to use what they have learnt independently.

See if you just say no all the time and don’t allow a child autonomy, they will intentionally seek out inappropriate media, both because the forbidden is appealing, and because children have a need for autonomy. Which is exactly what I did.

We do not say “no”, at worst we say “not yet”. We research and discuss the media, we both outline what we think is appropriate and inappropriate and why. We discuss if we can mitigate any issues (eg reassurance that the kids survive in jurassic Park, or skipping the sex scene in the expanse). This is important to do even with child friendly media, as that is the easiest and least risky area for a child to practice these skills. And at some point you have to be willing to trust the child. You have to let them take a risk. Its not going to ruin them.

If a 13 year old cannot pick out an appropriate book in a library, then, barring any learning difficulties that makes those skills harder to develop, they have been failed by the adults in their lives, and it is not reasonable to censor society and deprive everyone else of media they want to consume just because some people don’t raise their kids properly. I can drop my 10 year old child unattended in a library, and I know that it can use library organisation and blurb reading as well as asking the librarian clarifying questions to find an appropriate book. And yes perhaps sometimes its choices might make me want to clutch my pearls a bit, but it isn’t picking out straight up porn or murder manuals, and perhaps I need to get over the fact my child might come across a boob or a dick joke or a not particularly graphic murder.

Also just going off age ratings does not count as helping a child develop this skill. Age ratings are heavily tied to politics and culture and will not reflect what an individual child can handle. Theres kids media we skip, and a few 18 and R rated movies my child has watched. Commonsensemedia is a bit conservative with their own ratings however they do give details of any potentially objectionable content as well as allowing user ratings which run more reasonable. Use private browsing to get past the monthly review limit.

Anyway stop babying kids and let them read things that are a little bit fucked up. They’ll end up reading less gross shit that way anyway.

tonight’s twitter discourse:

this thread (all their takes after the initial tweet are bad too)

https://twitter.com/benedict_rs/status/1349954211358924800

i don’t know if they wanted to become a more popular writer or podcaster but they’re getting ratioed by the minute. 

i’ve been finding new authors to follow by digging in the quote-retweets

The best part of this this thread is watching the OP desperately trying to ignore all the award-winning authors showing up to patiently explain why she’s wrong.

The best part after that is knowing that she runs a podcast telling people how to be better writers and has just alienated at least half her potential listeners and guests.

The part that hurts my head most is someone with a (small) handful of short-story (and one novella?) writing credits to her name claiming the right to run a podcast telling other people how to write. 

I did not have time to wade into this fight again, at least in part because anyone coming to Twitter with this “hot take” in 2021 has already decided not to read or pay attention to any of the people who have already said very smart things on the topic.

In case anyone isn’t completely convinced: This is not how learning works, and definitely not how learning to write works holy shit.

There are a number of specific skills that fanfiction cannot teach you. Introducing and establishing character tends to be one of those; with fanfiction you’re typically working with already established characters with established characterization, whereas in original fiction you have to do the establishing yourself.

There’s also worldbuilding, and if you want to write fantasy, worldbuilding is important.

And so on and so on.

But.

You do not become a worse writer by writing imperfect stories. Any variation on “writing can make you a worse writer” is, without exaggeration, the worst possible writing advice, because 90% of getting better at writing is literally the exact opposite, which is writing insane amounts of whatever shit you can scoop out of your brain until you’re getting carpal tunnel in your dreams.

Of course, this is not even getting into the things that fanfiction does a better job at teaching you than whatever is considered to be Real Writing:

also, this reminded me of this xkcd:

…which in turn reminded me of James Joyce’s love letters (repressed memory), which itself became a reminder of something I think is a very good final point: There are outliers, but most fanfiction authors can write a far better sex scene than almost any old straight white guy writing Literary fiction. Literally just clearing the bar of having both characters appear to be actually enjoying it and calling a dick a dick instead of a “bulbous salutation” is acceptable. I know the horribleness of fanfic sex scenes is renowned but. Y’all. Have you EVER read any “literary” adult novel I swear to god I have read so many sex scenes that are just the WORST they’re so uncomfortable

…anyway.

Also, while fanfiction won’t teach you everything you need to know to write original fiction, that's… not actually a flaw in the form?

I mean, by that logic, poets should be shit writers. Because what the fuck are they learning? Weird structures, often way too much description, not enough plot, sometimes no characters at all— not to mention the fact that most of it is just too damn short to ever be a novel.

Or screenwriters! This time not enough description, and they’re definitely not learning how to frame dialogue properly, or communicate where the characters are without literally printing it in capital letters at the top of the page.

Short story writers don’t learn how to manage a longer narrative spanning multiple chapters; novelists may never figure out how to cram a satisfying story into just a few hundred words— it’s almost as if these are all completely different forms with completely different purposes.

Fanfiction is fanfiction, it’s not Baby’s First Practice Writing For Before You Write Your Real Novel.

The only reason it sometimes comes across as more amateurish than ‘proper writing’ is because it’s one of the only forms where the average reader is regularly exposed to work from new writers. Very few people will sit down to write their first story ever and immediately churn out something that ends up getting traditionally published, while most people will happily post their first fanfic online.

(It’s also a form of writing that is exclusively done For Fun— when fanfic is legally done for money it morphs into ‘adaptation’ or ‘tribute’ and tends to traitorously ally itself with the likes of Proper Fiction— which in some cases probably does lead to lower standards. Personally, I don’t edit my fics nearly as much as I edit my original stuff. They would almost certainly be better if they did, but this is For Fun, and editing is Not Fun for me.)

This doesn’t mean that those first time writers (or longtime slackers, like me) will become worse writers because of it. Not only will a lot of the skills they learn from fanfic transfer over to original but, whatever happens, writing a lot of fanfiction will definitely make you better at fanfiction. And that’s not an unworthy goal.

Also, fanfiction CAN teach you worldbuilding and character building, depending on what kind of fanfiction you write.

If you write extensive AUs, you’re probably learning how to worldbuild, because you absolutely have to. You’re creating a new universe for the characters to play in, and you’re often altering the characters somewhat so they fit this new world you’ve made. If you write a lot of OC fic, you have to learn how to introduce characters and integrate them into the world. So saying fanfiction can’t teach you these things is disingenuous and ignores a whole lot of the fanfic that’s out there doing…..exactly that.

Which, again, doesn’t mean that fanfiction needs to be doing any of these things to be valid, but it can and does, because not all fic is canon compliant relationship studies focused only on canon characters!

This ^^^^

Also you probably don’t have to wonder completely into another universe to need to do or practice worldbuilding. Sometimes you may want to take a route that is different from canon and the information you need just isn’t there or you have trouble finding it. Eg. If canon took a primarily action packed route but you want to try talking and politics. You may have very little, if any, information to start building on or maybe the knowledge gets you part way but you have to figure it out yourself past a certain point.

Part of worldbuilding could also be deciding what to include or not include, getting inspiration from all over the place, and figuring out how all of these things work together and impact each other. Which is something fan creators do all the time. Sometimes because they go ‘I don’t like these bits but I like those bits of canon’ or ‘What happens if I just give things a little twist here, what ripple effects does that have?’ or ‘Ooh that looks cool I’m incorporating that!’ or ‘canon is doing my head in with all these contradictions, I need to pick one or create some sort of mix mash or something and then stick with it’

So in a way even if you aren’t building an entire world, you are still playing around with world building skills.

yes yes yes, all of this too!! fic that focuses on underexplored parts of canon or that incorporates bits and pieces from different parts of a canon or what have you is also worldbuilding!!! you’re creating something new, and even if there’s a skeleton there you’re still doing a LOT of work adding to it!! thank you @moon6shadow-bookmark-writing!!

You know what’s really quite funny about this? People pulled the receipts and turns out that said twitter person’s ‘original’ writing includes a Modern Retelling of a historic event with Urban Legendish/Fae aspects. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, technically makes it fanfiction of a specific story.

Just…. just all of this.  Writers have a hard enough time without clowns tossing out (bad) personal takes framed like legitimate “professional” writing advice or writer’s knowledge telling them that their medium of choice is bad or wrong.  If someone wants to be a writer then they should write. Period.

Everyone keeps talking about how 2020 aged them about 50 years and how 2021 has passed them by in a blur, but finding out this particular instance of Twitter buffoonery was in January of this year and not, idk, 2018 may have aged me another further 20.

Like who wades into 2021 and goes, y'know what, I will kick that hornets nest. This is my year.

I just read this super sad post about this girl who’s asexual and married and everyone is basically telling her that she doesn’t deserve her husband/she’s just a prude/she should just do it anyway. So I want to tell you all right now that if people tell you this, or if they tell you you’ll never have a relationship, it is BULLSHIT. My husband is asexual and I’m not. He’s sex repulsed, we don’t have sex, we never have. And it doesn’t matter to me. You know what does? He does. His mental health and wellbeing matter to me. Because he is my best friend and he’s one of the smartest, kindest, funniest people I’ve ever met. And he’s had people tel him that he’s broken and it makes me SO ANGRY because they are WRONG. Being different doesnt mean you’re broken. If you don’t like sex/don’t want it/etc. Do not let anyone tell you that you’re inferior because you’re not. Do not let anyone convice you that you’ll never have a relationship because they’re wrong(if you want one). You are not broken, and it will be okay.

This made me feel really good. Remember this, for all my ace spectrum friends out there

#it’s really reassuring to hear from the partner #the one who’s not ace #but is totally cool with having no sex #loves her husband anyway #is in a stable and happy relationship #it’s such a relief when you discover that asexuality is a thing #that you’re okay #but then you start to wonder if it means your only chance at not ending up alone is finding someone else who’s also ace #but no #turns out it’s not #that’s really good to hear #so #thanks #so ace #so space

I hope you don’t mind me reblogging your tags but these are my feelings EXACTLY

I’m always a little nervous that I’m not “good enough” for a “real relationship” because sex isn’t on the table. So yeah, these stories are reassuring

The amount of pressure from society to have sex is incredible. We’re told it’s linked to relationship health and if you’re not willing to do every damn thing you’re labeled a prude. It’s incredibly disheartening, especially considering how one’s libido can change over the years even if you’re not ace. Nice to see a supportive piece from a partner.

OK, kids, buckle up it’s story time.

When I got married, I hadn’t had sex yet.  Waiting until marriage was important to me, so that’s what I did.  My wedding night was the first time I had sex.

It sucked.

I figured, ok, this is new for both of us, it’s probably going to take some practice.

A year later?  It still sucked  We tried a lot of different stuff.  A lot  of different stuff.  It sucked so bad, we even bought a copy of “Sex for Dummies”.

(it didn’t help)

I started working late so I didn’t go to bed at the same time as my husband.  Every time he would travel for work, I’d be grateful that I didn’t have to go through the awkwardness of avoiding his advances when I went to bed.

He didn’t think it was healthy for a newlywed couple to have sex less than once a week.  So we scheduled it.  Repeat, scheduled intimacy.  I thought I was putting on a brave face and doing what I needed to do to maintain a good relationship.

Because I had no idea that asexuality was a thing.

I talked to my husband, told him I didn’t like sex.  He didn’t understand.  I lost track of how many times I said: “It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you.  I don’t want to have sex with anyone.”

So it was established, Amber doesn’t like sex.

But we still did it.  Because I wanted my husband to be happy.  Sometimes halfway through, I’d start crying.

And he’d always be supportive, and apologize.

After he finished.

So when I found out about asexuality, and told him how I felt, he suggested I go to a doctor.  Because obviously there was something wrong with me.

So I went to a doctor.

(surprise, surprise, I’m perfectly healthy)

Then I told my mom.  When she suggested meds to improve my sex drive, I broke down in tears.  I told her there was nothing wrong with me.  And my mom has been 100% supportive of my orientation ever since.  When people ask if I’m a lesbian, she teaches them about asexuality.  

But anyway back to my journey of self-discovery

So I tell my husband, I’m asexual, I don’t want to have sex.  You are not asexual, you do want to have sex.  One of us is going to be miserable in this relationship, and I’m tired of it being me.  I love you too much to make you miserable for the rest of your life, but I love myself too much to be miserable for the rest of my life.  We might have to face the fact that we’re not right for each other.

So his immediate response is “no, I can change, I’ll do anything, divorce is not an option, etc”

But I can’t exactly ask him to stop wanting to have sex.  Because that’s not how allosexual people work.  And he can’t seduce me into wanting to have sex, because that’s not how asexual people work.

Anyway.  He cries, I cry, we decide on marriage counseling to help our comunication.

Because we’d been married for almost 6 years by this point, and had been together for 3 years before that, and we still can’t really talk about what we want (or don’t want) in regards to sex.

So we go to counselling for 6 weeks.  The first 3 sessions individually, and the last 3 together.  During the together sessions, the therapist would prompt us with a question, and we’d talk to each other, being completely honest about things.

During (what turned out to be) our last session, I’d finally had enough.  I’d had enough of being embarrassed about what anyone else would think.  Enough of the gender roles I was being forced into.  Enough of paying someone to watch me talk to my husband.  Enough of pretending to salvage a relationship that I had been increasingly avoiding over the past 2 years, and I said:

“Josh, I love you.  We have communication problems, but we’ve been together almost ten years and I’m willing to work through those if you think we can make it work.  But I am never having sex with you again.”

(At this point, the therapist who’d been trying to get us to communicate put down her notebook and said, ok I think we’re done.)

Then and only then, did he agree to file for divorce.

—————–

I say all that to say this:

Don’t you dare fucking tell me that asexual representation doesn’t matter.  I would have six years of my life back if I had known.

And if you’re in a relationship, talk to each other oh my God.  About everything.  What dream you had last night.  That song from scout camp that randomly gets stuck in your head.  The reason you don’t like sweet potato.  That embarrassing thing you did in third grade that still makes you mad when you think about it.  If you and your partner can share these tiny, intimate details, talking about sex is no big deal.  And it takes practice, so practice.

————–

On a happy note, now, 3 years after the divorce, I am in a happy, stable relationship with another ace.  And if you happen to ask my mom how I’m doing, she’ll tell you “I’ve never seen my baby girl happier.”

It gets better.  But it’s up to you to make it that way.

@theonetheonlyjordanelizabeth please read this ❤️ I may be sex repulsed but I know that I love you and thats what matters ✨

I know this is already really long and really informative, but I also wanted to add a partner’s perspective. I too, have an ace fiancee. I knew about it before our relationship. I didn’t know it was a thing until I met her, and that was huge to me because I learned something new and also came to understand an old friend a little better.  I, on the other hand, am not ace. I am at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I am pansexual, and she has a hard time I think coming to terms with the fact that I don’t want to make her have sex. Like, ‘Really?’ you might ask me. Like really is my only reply. I have loved her for a long time now, and being we met over Tumblr and we knew one another before the relationship, sex isn’t a big deal in our relationship. and I can think of at least ten of my friends who would feel the same way right now. 

ASEXUALITY IS A REAL THING, LOVING, SWEET ACE RELATIONSHIPS ARE REAL! Just because your partner wants sex doesn’t make you broken. Just because you don’t want sex doesn’t mean you should have to force yourself to do so. 

Just be honest with one another, love one another. If a relationship can’t survive a healthy, honest conversation, then it wasn’t a very strong relationship to begin with.  TL;DR People who can’t see past sex as a ‘core’ in a relationship with someone ace/sex repulsed is an asshole.

I just want to point to this post whenever anyone ever says that asexual people haven’t suffered from discrimination or oppression.

listened to Bohemian Rhapsody today… i’m so very sorry

If this post gets 100 notes I’ll recreate the entire song through memes

OK so I’ll do my best to get this done soonish–it may be a week or two, but I’m doing it

My masterpiece… is complete.

op did not put in this much work for 160 notes

@musicalsandtrees

I don’t know who to tag… This is a fuckign masterpiece

Can we (my three followers and I lolol) start a thread of comfort characters? I think it would be interesting to see.

Here’s mine:

Thank you @flowers-in-your-hayr and @the-makingsofgreatness 💛

I’m tagging @therealcalicali @pomegranates-and-blood @fangirlings-things @lauwrite1225

thank you @maggiescarborough 💖

I’m tagging @jorjawrites @lunamooney2406 and @fives-cup-of-coffee

Thank you for the tag @fangirlings-things ! 💜

Tagging : @caelys @theautumnpoet @thefandomimaginesandwritingblog

Thank you for the tag @jorjawrites​ <3

Yes I am a sucker for these two sitcoms (which reminds me that it’s time to rewatch them)

Tagging: @tommyburntoutcigar​ @irishwhiskeys​ @amysteryspot​ @sighonahurricane​

Interesting 😍 thanks @caelys for the tag♥️♥️♥️

I don’t exactly know what a comfort character is but I have a fair idea so here they are

And an honorary-

@murderousginger @nofckingfighting @champagneholland @amysteryspot @irishwhiskeys (only if y'all want to)

Thank you Storm (@sighonahurricane) !

My 3 comfort characters:

… I might have a personality type.

And honorary:

I tag: @blinder-secrets @imagine-that-100 @goingonanadventuremaybe and anyone else that would like to join!

Thank you @murderousginger

My 3 characters are:

Tagging: @ghostlightqueen @sunsetinmyvein @red—moon @minigranger

I love seeing this come full circle from when I saw it originally posted and spread around by AD blogs 😂

Tagging: @wolfish-willow @skyisover @friedchocolate and anyone else who wants to do it

Thank you for the tag!

this is getting a bit long, huh? I’m tagging anyone who sees this and wants to share their comfort characters! <3

This is a compiled list of some of my favorite pieces of short horror fiction, ranging from classics to modern-day horror, and includes links to where the full story can be read for free. Please be aware that any of these stories may contain subject matter you find disturbing, offensive, or otherwise distressing. Exercise caution when reading. Image art is from Scarecrow: Year One.

PSYCHOLOGICAL: tense, dread-inducing horror that preys upon the human psyche and aims to frighten on a mental or emotional level. 

CURSED: stories concerning characters afflicted with a curse, either by procuring a plagued object or as punishment for their own nefarious actions.

MONSTERS: tales of ghouls, creeps, and everything in between.

CLASSICS: terrifying fiction written by innovators of literary horror. 

SUPERNATURAL: stories varying from spooky to sober, featuring lurking specters, wandering souls, and those haunted by ghosts and grief. 

UNSETTLING: fiction that explores particularly disturbing topics, such as mutilation, violence, and body horror. Not recommended for readers who may be offended or upset by graphic content.  

HAPPY READING, HORROR FANS!

I’ve been doing some reading and have more stories to add: 

PSYCHOLOGICAL: 

CURSED:

MONSTERS:

CLASSICS:

SUPERNATURAL:

UNSETTLING:

ENJOY!

Here’s some more stories I’ve enjoyed, bringing the list total to 125 scary tales:

PSYCHOLOGICAL:

CURSED:

MONSTERS:

CLASSICS: 

SUPERNATURAL:

UNSETTLING:

HAVE FUN!

This original version of this list is going around again, so I thought I’d reblog the extended post with more stories. 

I would also like to reiterate that while you are of course free to read whatever you like, please be aware that if I placed a story under the UNSETTLING category it is because the piece contains descriptions–some of them quite graphic–of subject matter you may find repugnant or disturbing. Although I strongly dislike literary censorship, I do believe in allowing readers to make informed choices about what content they consume–which is precisely why I included warnings when I felt they would be helpful.  

I designed this list for my fellow horror fans to enjoy, not to create outrage or upset others. If you have questions pertaining to the content of any works listed above, message me and I will try to answer the best that I can without spoiling the story or compromising the writer’s vision. 

Coming into a fandom late

Coming into a fandom early and watching it become an angry clusterfuck

Being in a dormant fandom that suddenly comes alive again after a new book/movie

Don’t forget about those who come in the midst of a fandom war. 

Accuracy at its best

Being in a fandom and not even knowing there’s a war going on…

all of this shit…lol

When You’re Not In The Fandom But You’re Nosy AF

When you get into a fandom only to discover it’s dead

This gets better every time I see it. 

@fuboos-mess

Being in a dead fandom…

Or being in such a tiny fandom that it feels like youre the only one

The accuracy hurts.

Being in a fandom that had a shit ending.

When you’ve been fangirling long enough, you’ve experienced all of the above.

Being in a fandom meant for kids.

This just gets better..

@mi-kleos

When you realize that joining the fandom has ruined you

Fandom hell in general

Yes.

This^^^ just… ALL OF THIS.

Being in so many fandoms that you don’t even know what’s going on

THIS IS THE SKULDUGGERY FUCKING PLEASANT FANDOM IN ONE POST!!

Trying to recruit people to your fandom

Annnnnnndddd it’s back

Being in a fandom which has so many antis

I’ve probably reblogged this before, but that was before these great additions.

Being in a fandom that actually works together

Why is this so true? All of it.

being in a fanbase but all your mutuals suddenly turn into Kpop blogs

I always enjoy it when a good post comes around again and has been improved by the reblogs like the years for a fine wine.

Being in a fandom when shit goes down and everyone has different opinions

When you are in a fandom and don’t care for others people opinion…..even if they are right…(believe me, I have met several of those)

Being in a fandom you never meant to join

I love this. and it’s gotten better

After abandoning a fandom you’re still a little bit emotionally invested in….

There’s more!!!

being in a fandom that you thought was gonna be toxic but it’s actually nice

accidentally getting into a fandom 

It got better

Holy shit it exists still

when you thought tumblr is over and so is this thread, but you still come across it on you dash

Showing someone a fandom you really like

ALSO (no i’m not done I had more to say but it’s so LONG already)

ALSO I love Steve cop a lot but imagine this:

Him and Hopper are closer now. Not super like sappy because they’re not really Like That, but Hopper squeezes his shoulder and makes sure he takes his meds and doesn’t let him go home to an empty house. Basically Steve is spending more time at the cabin than he is at his own house (except for when the Party take the house over because it’s huge and they can all stretch out and play their game and it’s a good time all around but I digress)

SO Steve is like, wow this is what Fatherly Affection feels like. It’s really nice. Hopper cares about how school is going the rest of the year, but doesn’t give him shit about grades because it’s not like he went to college? I think? DON’T QUOTE ME ON THAT)

And Steve is obviously a little lost over what to do after school and (we’ll pretend he’s old enough to join the force immediately okay, IDK what the requirements were and i don’t want to look them up i’ve got a momentum going) mentions how he thinks Steve would make a good fit at the station.

Only. 

Steve kind of freaks out. Like, in his head. Not outwardly.

But, he’s not sure he could handle it. He’s not sure he’s ready for any kind of commitment right after school. It’s hard to think about the future and what he could/should do when he’s still half convinced the gate is going to reopen (his nail bat is still in his trunk and he’s honestly not sure he’ll ever be able to go anywhere without it ever again)

But Hopper is more of a dad than his actual father and he doesn’t want to disappoint him. His father hates that he is so bad at school, that he’s not going to work at his company. And he doesn’t want Hopper to hate him or think he’s ungrateful, too.

So, stomach tight and feeling miserable he agrees.

He didn’t count on Hopper knowing His Kids. Hopper lets it go for a while, Steve starts to relax because they haven’t talked about it for a while. And the next time he brings it up, he pays close attention and it’s obvious that Steve doesn’t know how to say no and that leads to conversations about how Steve doesn’t owe him anything. He can take some time to figure things out and Hopper isn’t going to be mad if Steve decides he never wants to have anything to do with law enforcement, or anything else (though he admits he’d have a little trouble if Steve ever decided to be a lawyer or something and Steve snorts because yeah right but Hopper’s dead serious).

Whatever Steve decides to do, Hopper still expects him to help out with El (who obvi likes him, much to Mike’s not-too-serious annoyance) and to be at the cabin more often than his own house and Steve relaxes for real now and it’s like he can breathe for the first time in weeks. 

IDK, this is literally the first thought I had when I got that ask.