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#poetry – @mrbutchdyke on Tumblr
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the smallest oceans still get big big waves

@mrbutchdyke / mrbutchdyke.tumblr.com

EJ | 23 | they/he | white | engaged | AO3 | carrd
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we have to write poems in my creative writing certificate program, so I pieced something together from Belphie's medical reports

my professor really liked this and said that it should be 'the nucleus of a chapbook' (so like 15-30 poems of the same theme that I would attempt to get published) but now I feel awkward because I think that she thinks HE DIED? but it turns out, everything will be alright! his heart recovered! the FIP meds are working!

if I do make a chapbook, this will be the next page:

and then this will be the page after that:

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[ID: a picture of "there's laundry to do and a genocide to stop" by Vinay Krishnan. The text reads as follows: There's laundry to do and a genocide to stop. There's laundry to do and a genocide to stop. I have to eat better and also avoid a plague. My rent went up $150. I'll need to pick up more shifts. Twenty people died in Rafah this morning and every major news outlet is stretching the limits of passive voice to suggest whole families may have leaped up through the air at missiles that otherwise had the right of way. I just got a notification that my student loan payments are starting up again and my phone isn't charged. My cousin got COVID for a fourth time and can no longer work or walk or even feed himself. The person across from me on the L train seems to fashion themselves a punk rock revolutionary, but they're not wearing a face mask, and that's the kind of cognitive dissonance that makes me want to steal batteries. Fascists keep winning the primaries for both parties, and I think I gained a few pounds. The CDC just announced there's no more speed limits on highways, and I think this Ativan is finally hitting. The NYPD farmer's market only sells bad apples, have you heard that one? Listen, it's warm today, too warm for March. But I don't have time to think through the implications because there's laundry to do and a genocide to stop. End ID]

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hey man. yeah i heard god didn't accept your offering. yeah that sucks dude. you'll get over it right? you'll be fine man. you always have next time dude. maybe you should ask your brother for help, god seems to like him just fine y'know.

hey dude how's it hanging. are you still upset about the- okay yeah you're still upset about the whole being rejected thing. it's not a big deal man. nobody's even gonna remember. it doesn't matter that much. i'm just saying maybe you should, like, i don't know, have some water. maybe chill. go tend to your crops or something.

so. did that help at all? are you proud of yourself? do you think gods going to answer to blood stained hands when you pray? yeah, i didn't think so. why are you crying? stop that. it's your fault. it's your actions. this didn't have to happen, you know that good and well. don't act like you're some sympathetic child. i mean really, how didn't you know? did you know all along? was that your plan? what, were you really going to think it wouldn't hurt him? sorry for being harsh, but really. you're not innocent, no matter how much you act like you are.

wow. you suck at digging graves. like no offense but you're kind of the farming guy, shouldn't you be better at this or whatever? that doesn't matter i guess. not like he'd really care, would he? hey can i ask you something? did he look behind him? did he see your shadow when you raised the rock? did he flinch? did you flinch? did you stop, for maybe a second, to reconsider your actions? did you know? what do you mean ''what do i mean'' i'm asking you. did you know? did you know that he trusted you enough to turn his back to you? did you know that he looked up to you? did you know he watched you till the field? did you know he admired you? did you even care? was this death a mercy? would yours be one?

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yoooo guys these wings my dad made look INSANE i can’t wait to try them tomorrow

i don’t think you understand i totally thought we were gonna die locked up in this castle but this fucking genius was like “im going to invent a way for humans to fly”. shout out to my dad he’s a real one fr

LMAOOO this dude told me to be careful as he affixed the wings to my back…..dad no offense but you just invented flying and we have to go high enough to avoid the king’s archers. soo

HOOOOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I AM SO AFRAID. THE GROUND IS SO FAR. HOW DO BIRDS DO THIS. OH MY GODS OH MY GODS OH MY GODS

it’s so beautiful up here

i don’t like seeing the ground. i’m going higher

it’s cold and i can’t see anything. not sure if that’s better or worse

by zeus….what is that thing…….it’s as bright as the sun and twice as warm

the gods look truly down on me this day…apollo calls to me from his chariot of fire. a mere mortal. he must think my flight such a wondrous feat

i don’t understand why but he’s coming closer. he is not supposed to stray from his path, lest the sun fall from the sky. why does he look so anguished to see me?

oh. i am in his path

it’s so hot…was it this hard to fly before? maybe i’m tired

he really does look like the sun…the light emanates from his fingers, his hair, his skin. he means to catch me. i reach for him

his skin burns. i cannot hold on

i slip through his fingers.

it takes a really long time to fall from the sky. longer than i thought

i wonder if he cried for me

i pray to him just in case. i am grateful he tried. my palms are red and cracked from where they touched divinity. the ground does not look any closer than it was

i have not seen my father since we took flight…i hope he escaped. i hope he will not witness this. i wish i could tell him how joyful these wings made me before the wax melted

i do not regret it. i have seen with my own eyes what others will only dream of

i am not afraid

i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am afraid i am afraid i am afraid

please please please please please pleaseplease

the gods will not save me. i suppose this is a lesson in hubris. i am forever a flightless thing

please please please i have no coin for the ferryman if i am to die now i will never reach the realm of hades please turn me into a bird any bird or a bug or something anything please please pleasepleaseplease

I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM N

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Bob Hicok NOT fucking around with this one

[ID: text on a white background..

Poem ending with a murder/suicide.

It's interesting to me there's a minimum but no maximum wage. One without the other seems like pants without legs or love without someone to love. So what are the groups? People who want no minimum or maximum wage; people who want a minimum but no maximum wage, people who want a minimum and maximum wage; and people who want to eat. A minimum wage of twenty bucks an hour is roughly eight hundred a week, or forty grand a year, or 1.6 million in a life. There's your maximum wage--1.6 million a year. If you earn in a year what I earn my entire life, you deserve the right to be happy about it in a gated community where you don't have to be ashamed of the dance of your joy. I deserve the right to put heirloom tomatoes in the salad now and then. Such as when my kid got her cast off and her hand looked fine, like it intended to go on waving at moonlight and birds. And I never thought about it but slipped the insurance card out of my wallet and slid it over. And the car started the first time for the drive home to our little bungalow that needs a new paint job, but that'll happen this summer, right before we go to a lake for a few days and I open a beer one night and think, I have a place in whatever this is. Then listen to the stars saying nothing in peace, though what passes for peace is a mystery to me, not unlike who's behind the universe or why so many people in unions voted for people who wanted to kill unions, but we did and they died, unions died. Now where on earth am I supposed to send the flowers?

End ID.]

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eilooxara

Ok but the meter on that line is SICK

i PRAY nobody KILLS me for the CRIME of being SMALL

Crisp

Delicious

That bug is an excellent poet

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endreal

iambic heptameter. six feet for the bug, and the final one divine.

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My boyfriend did not die in 1991. I told a lie and it turned into a fact, forever repeated in my official biography. He died on Christmas Day, 1990, when his family disconnected the mechanical breathing machine. He was a composer in the school of music. We were working on a piece for voice and strings. I liked writing the words under the whole notes, hyphenating them to make them last. I liked sitting on the bed in his apartment, writing on the sheet music—bigger paper, thicker, how it sounded when it fell to the floor when we got tired. It was winter break, friends in town, we hopped from party to party, catching up but separately. It was late, the night was clear, the roads were empty. The four of them were sober, the driver in the other car was not. I was a few miles away, in a bar, waiting. When the bar closed, I left him an angry message for standing me up. A few hours later, a friend called and told me. He suggested I break into the apartment and start removing things before the family arrived. For several minutes I didn’t understand, then—evidence. He hadn’t told his family and it didn’t seem right to tell them now, to suggest that they didn’t really know him. I drove in the darkness between the accident and dawn. I climbed through the window. I couldn’t figure which things looked suspicious and which things would be missed. I was sloppy, rushed. I grabbed the wrong sheet music. It was a piece that had already been performed. A few days after Christmas there was a memorial. I sat in the back. As part of his speech, his father mentioned the missing music and made an appeal for its return. I couldn’t give it back. On New Year’s Eve, in a black velvet jacket, at a party in the lobby of a downtown hotel, with a drink in each hand—one for him, one for me—I kept asking where he was, if anyone had seen him. I had his passport in my back pocket. I shouldn’t have taken that either. It was the only picture of him I could find.
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