need what hugh grant and his wife have

dmv: can i have you birth certificate

me: i dont have it but you can trust! 😁✌️

dmv: ok! 😁✌️here is your license

me: its so small and cute! 😳

dmv: just like you! ☺️

can't get an algorithm like this on twitter

ever since I was a young lad I knew I wanted to be a middle-aged man with an undone tie around his neck who’s having a crisis so he goes to the bathroom to splash water on his face only to look up at himself in the mirror and wonder at the stranger looking back

Actually no one should be having sex. All of us are aged-up minors and the passage of time is inherently problematic

because time is made up we are all still minors so. cancelled :/

A Plea for Help from Gaza: A Family Seeking Safety

I am Shaima from Gaza, married to Ibrahim @ibrahem-88 Al-Sir.My family consists of two people. For 8 years, we had a dream of having a child to make our life more beautiful.

We are now living in the midst of a hellish war between death, destruction and hunger.

This is after losing everything we had, the fetus, our home, and our only source of income

I was waiting for more than 8 years to have a transplant to have my first child, but because of the war, fear, sounds of explosions and displacement from one place to another, I lost my child.

I am now living the worst days of my life because of all this. My husband and I want your help to escape from all that we are suffering and get out of Gaza to safety.

Note

My account vetted by:

@nabulsi @aces-and-angels @ibtisam @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @vakarians-babe @7amaspayrollmanager @fairuzfakhira @fallahsart @sayruq @humanvoreture @kaapstadgirly @sar-soor @dimonds456-art @plomegranate @commissions4aid-international @nabulsi @stil-macher @soon-palestine @communitythings @palestinegenocide @vakarians-babe @ghost-and-a-half

not normie enough to fit in but not fringe enough to lean into being a freak, worst of both worlds, pure liminality, just the weird coworker, and unrelatable classmate. and your mutual

monks debating whether vows of silence should still allow you to leave emoji reacts on the monastery groupchat

anybody paying attention saw the rise in conservatism among the youth over the last few years. the return of the r slur, modesty/ tradwife content, rampant fatphobia, misogynistic twitch streamers...the writing was on the wall

i shouldn’t even have to worry about another country’s elections. i should be at the club.

my beautiful boyfriend Scam Likely and lovely girlfriend Team Snapchat are always blowing up my phone with stupid shit I don't care about

I'm as grateful for cellphones as the next person, but sometimes I think about how everyone having a phone on them at all times really did cause us to loose some things as a society. I mean - for example, kids these days will never experience their car breaking down and needing to find the nearest place with a phone they can use. They're never going to have the opportunity to tentatively approach a house only to discover that it's full of queer people having a party hosted by a transvestite to celebrate his creation of a sex homunculus, stay the night, and loose their virginity while unintentionally partaking in cannibalism. It's tragic, that kind of gay sexual awakening just doesn't happen these days because of cellphones.

sources? a little birdie, et al. (2024)

CHAPPELL ROAN

photographed by Ryan Clemens