Make Out Tactics

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: Kisame/Itachi

Rating: E

Words: 1363

Summary: Itachi has a plan to get Kisame out of the Hidden Mist. Based on this comic by @mistawolfie! If you want to avoid the smut, just stop when they leave the office!

“So, I have a plan to get you out of here,” Itachi said. Kisame winced.

“Am I going to like this plan?”

“If it gets you out of here without conspicuous blood-shed, does it really matter? Beside, this plan is perfectly legal,” Itachi said, busily packing Kisame’s few belongings as he talked.

“Legal? Are you feeling all right?” Kisame asked, placing a hand on Itachi’s forehead. Itachi swatted his hand away.

“You trust me, right, Kisame? Just follow my lead.”

“Itachi, why are we in front of the Kage building?” Kisame asked.

“Because, sweetheart, I am going to request permission for my Hidden Mist husband to accompany me back to the Leaf,” Itachi said without changing expression. Kisame paled, then blushed.

“The beauty in this,” Itachi explained, tangling his fingers with Kisame’s, “is that we don’t have to go all the way to the ‘Kage. This sort of thing is handled by low level bureaucrats. It’s a brilliant plan. Now, come on.” Itachi tugged Kisame into the building. Itachi’s assessment that this would be handled by bureaucrats seemed to be correct as they were passed through several secretary-type people and made to wait an almost insufferable amount of time. Finally they were admitted into a small office where a bored-looking man sat behind a desk.

“What can I do for you today?” He asked, his tone indicating that he would rather be enduring some form of physical torture. Kisame hoped this would go smoothly and they wouldn’t have to oblige him.

“We’re here to request a transfer for my husband to my village, the Hidden Leaf,” Itachi said. The man behind the desk quirked an eyebrow as he studied them.

“Do you have any paperwork?” He asked. “Marriage certificate?”

“No,” Kisame said.

“Any other documentation? Any evidence at all that you’re married?”

“No.” The man steepled his finger on the desk. “Without documentation, I can’t sign a transfer for you,” the man said. “I don’t have any reason to believe that you’re married.”

“What if we can prove it?” Itachi asked.

“Prove it and I’ll sign your papers,” the man said.

“All right,” Itachi said with a shrug that could be roughly translated as ‘you asked for it’. Standing on his tiptoes, Itachi laced his fingers behind Kisame’s head. He tugged Kisame down until he could press his lips to Kisame’s. Kisame’s hands flailed in momentary surprise, before settling on Itachi’s hips, instinctively pulling the smaller man closer. Itachi smirked against his lips. His tongue teased Kisame’s lower lip. Kisame gasped, and Itachi slipped his tongue into Kisame’s mouth. Itachi carefully traced sharp teeth while Kisame tried to remember how to breath through his nose. Kisame tentatively pushed back with his own tongue and Itachi groaned in appreciation. Kisame pressed forward, emboldened by Itachi’s reaction. He completely forgot they were performing for an audience. His hands slid down to squeeze Itachi’s ass. Itachi gave a surprised squeak that had to be about the cutest thing Kisame had ever heard. He let his hands drift lower, cupping Itachi’s thighs. In one smooth motion, like they’d done this a hundred times, Kisame lifted Itachi up to kiss him more easily. Itachi wrapped his legs around Kisame’s hips. Neither noticed the uncomfortable man behind the desk clearing his throat, trying to get their attention. Kisame reluctantly broke the kiss, needing to breath. Itachi wasn’t deterred, immediately shifting his attention to suck on Kisame’s neck. It didn’t help Kisame’s attempt to breath at all.

“Itachi,” he panted.

“Mmmm?” Itachi hummed, nuzzling Kisame’s pulse point.

“Itachi,” Kisame tried again. “I think he might pass out if we keep going.” Itachi nipped at his ear and Kisame almost dropped him.

“Duly noted,” Itachi whispered in his ear. “And I don’t know how much I care if he does pass out.” Kisame swallowed roughly. A fistful of papers was waved in his face.

“Your transfer papers. Get a room that isn’t this one,” The disgruntled bureaucrat said. Kisame reluctantly set Itachi down, trying to ignore his partner’s whine of protest. Kisame accepted the papers.

“Thank you for your time,” Kisame said. The man just waved him away, forehead resting on his hand in a posture of defeat. Itachi grabbed his free hand and tugged Kisame out of the office.

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