Leaving someone you really love hurts 'cause it comes with risking the possibility of it never coming back. Yes, I left him, but in the very first place, I won't leave him just like that. I have my reasons. Sometimes, there's really no difference between the one who left and the one that is left. Both painful to bear, yes. Just my bad for sort of believing that he would fight for me but it turned out not like that. Instead, he agreed with me. A month later, we had a chance to talk, maybe I was trying to win him back then but he said, he should be the one fixing it, he'll just fix his self before fixing ours. So, I gave his freedom, 'cause if staying away from him would let him grow by himself, would make him the best person he could be, then I wouldn't mind. Changing him is a fulfillment for me. But I have set aside that role already. Maybe it's time for him to be fulfilled that he could change for himself, and not because I dictated him to. I want him to change on his own initiative, not for me. We didn't have any communication until his birthday came, up to the moment my birthday came. Maybe he just have to let my special day passed before he told me not to talk to him for real and not to see him, with a reasoning of how shall he stand on his own feet if I'm always there, guiding him. So, I started to distant myself, even if not seeing him hurts me as much as it hurts him when we're together. I couldn't just let him face his problems alone. I know how weak he is, one thing that you can't imagine him of. I want to be there for him on his downfall, but he won't let me. So as he wished, I silenced myself. I did what he wanted me to do. I even changed my number so I won't have any contact with him until one day, to my surprise, he texted me. As the days pass by, he's the one always texting me, asking me out. And yes, we went out for how many times. But going out with him? It's more than that. I knew those days that he's down, I was still the one whom he runs to, he spokes to when it comes to his personal problems. Maybe he forgot what he told me that he wanted to face his problems alone that's why he's kinda pushing me away, but we knew, it's only me, still, who can see his soft side, can feel his weaknesses, can hear his stories. I was there to help him; I was there for him. The best part was both of us, being happy again, forgetting all the drama, and acting as if we got back together. We were doing the things we used to do, we were happy once again but with a different label, not official. That temporary happiness only lasted for almost two months. With just a blink of an eye, we lost everything once again, we lost each other, again. This time, it's real. No more sweet conversations. It's been a month since we last saw each other. It's been five months since we broke up. I was feeling better until today. I saw his new girlfriend. And now, it feels like as if we've just broke up yesterday. It hurts like hell. I may not be crying anymore but the pain deep inside which I thought was already dead, it's alive again. I am soooo fuckin' back to zero. Still loving the person even after you decided to leave him, it fucking hurts million times than what I've stated in the very first sentence of this post. And seeing the one you love, whom you left, loving someone else? Now, it hurts zillion times more than everything.