something about being traumatized and mentally ill for years on end without any help is that it alters your brain and messes with how it processes memories and data. this becomes really inconvenient especially during fights or stressful events because your brain will be aware that something happened but it won't be able to pinpoint what exactly happened down to specific details or what was exactly said. this sucks because it makes you more vulnerable to manipulation and being gaslit. you're easily convinced that you're in the wrong and that you're a bad person simply because of the unreliability your memories provide. i want you to know that you aren't a bad person and i'm so sorry there are people out there who have taken advantage of your incapability to have a reliable memory.