stardust child

something about being traumatized and mentally ill for years on end without any help is that it alters your brain and messes with how it processes memories and data. this becomes really inconvenient especially during fights or stressful events because your brain will be aware that something happened but it won't be able to pinpoint what exactly happened down to specific details or what was exactly said. this sucks because it makes you more vulnerable to manipulation and being gaslit. you're easily convinced that you're in the wrong and that you're a bad person simply because of the unreliability your memories provide. i want you to know that you aren't a bad person and i'm so sorry there are people out there who have taken advantage of your incapability to have a reliable memory.

something that makes me so incredibly sad is how there are kids out there who are raised in these toxic environments and have no way of escaping and no support system or anyone to help them get out or healthily cope with it and they end up growing up to be the adults who end up homeless, end up in sex work, end up becoming toxic themselves, or end up dying and it's just tragically sickening to let that fact settle, that not only their parents, but society as a whole has failed them their entire lives.

not to brag, but i first realized i was pro-choice when i was eleven after thinking to myself “man, if only my mother had aborted me.”

my childhood summed up in one image:

SHOUTOUT TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH OR ALL STILL GOING THROUGH ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF PEOPLE WHO SHOULD’VE LOVED THEM AND TAKEN CARE OF THEM!!!! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU ALL AND I THINK IT’S SO AMAZING THAT YOU HAVE SURVIVED THROUGH ALL OF THAT UP TO THIS POINT!!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO GIVE UP NOW!!!! YOUR GIVING UP RIGHTS HAVE BEEN REVOKED STARTING NOW!!!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!

if i met past me i think they would cry bc they’d be wondering how tf we’re not dead yet. don’t ask how i know, it’s just a hunch.

JUST A REMINDER THAT UP TO THIS POINT, YOU HAVE SURVIVED 100% OF YOUR LIFE, EVERY BAD THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU, YOU HAVE SURVIVED IT SO YOU DON’T GET TO GIVE UP NOW!!! KEEP SURVIVING WHATEVER IS THROWN YOUR WAY UNTIL YOU GET TO THE POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU ARE TRULY LIVING / THRIVING!!!!

what’s crazy is how you think that what you’re going through isn’t as bad as it really is until you finally escape that environment and you start to fully process the insanity of what you were put through and you’re like “how the actual fuck am i still alive rn.”

i can’t remember when it happened but i think the first time my parents yelled at me is when my life started to go downhill lol

just a healthy reminder that you’re not crazy and that none of what happened to you is made up. you did not overreact or go overboard, because what happened to you was as horrible as your brain perceived it and you deserved better than to be hurt and have to deal with the aftermath of self-denial. i hope you heal. you deserved so much more. i am so sorry.

my brain literally can’t process the fact that there are people out there who don’t have toxic parents or toxic mental health. like they literally worry about shit like when their next date with their bf/gf is and whether they’re gonna eat taco bell or mcd’s for lunch. like wtf. why didn’t i get signed up for that shit

did you have a healthy childhood or do you always turn to your teachers for emotional support and parental affection because you had neither growing up

i hate when teachers consider me lazy or unwilling to work hard just because i act energetic and bubbly and hyperactive in their classes. i literally only act that way bc school is the only place i can healthily socialize w ppl my own age. you don’t know shit about what i go through at home so stop pretending you have me figured out just bc u decided to go get a degree that gives you authority to think that way. i literally try so fucking hard but can’t always get a’s on my worksheets when my mind is always in survival mode. sorry teacher lady but sometimes my schoolwork isn’t my main priority when i’m worried ab whether or not i’m going to get cussed at or beat again today. i think the world would be more bearable if more adults were empathetic towards kids and teens and shit.

i hate when people always say “forgive them!1!1” or “anger will only eat you up not them!1!” my anger is evidence that i have been wronged, that i have been abused. i am allowed to be angry for being tormented my entire life by the people whose literal job was to fucking love me. i can heal and recover from my trauma while also being angry. i do not need to forgive anyone. i can grow and rise above what i went through without letting go of my rage. my rage is evidence that i was wronged. fuck anyone who tells you to forgive your abusers or what to do with your anger. do what will help you heal best. if people didn’t want you to be filled with fury in regards to your abusers, then they should have treated you better.