Princess Monkey

never let being a girl stop you from being a boy

I think dudes who say shit like “I couldn’t love a child that wasn’t mine” shouldn’t have kids

“I could never be a stepdad because I could never love another man’s child” another man’s child? not your hypothetical wife’s child? you look at a kid and see another man’s fuck trophy instead of seeing a human being? I’m not sure you could successfully be a parent to your own biological child

why the FUCK are weekends only 2 days long do you really think that's enough to recover from the horrors of the work week. really.

pirates of the caribbean really introduced an eldritch octopus man who kills indiscriminately and torments the dead as their poster villain and then you watch the movies and it's like, "oh no, actually the worst villain in this series is a small white british man who functions as the herald of capitalism" and that was very very brave of them

#here is a man so heartless he has literally cut his own heart out of his chest #but he's still not as evil as the fucking east india trading company

"Wait I didn't hear anything of Heidi Klum's Halloween costume this year, lemme just google tha-"

you know what? nevermind.

You left out the best part, the many people that served as her living accessories.

hold up what's up with the moon face though?

her husband is Egg

incredibly fucked up you can put off things for “tomorrow” and then. and then tomorrow comes

I think more people need to learn the phrase "I don't know enough about that to have a strong opinion" its literally a cheat code for awkward conversations

its ok if you actually do know a lot about the thing and/or have strong opinions about it btw. you can just lie

This is for the people who didn’t party in their teens and twenties. For the people who didn’t have that “coming of age” movie experience with shenanigans and revelations. This is for the people who mostly keep to themselves. Who maybe prefer things to be quieter and gentler. This is for the people who don’t feel like they belong in a culture that values loud parties and flashing lights. I see you. And you are valid.

the songs you listen to at ages 15-17 will rip holes into your heart when you listen to them again later in life.

real talk why do so many fantasy universes think giant spiders are necessary

The sad part is there’s a decent chance a large proportion of them can be blamed on one spider.

The tarantula that bit JRR Tolkien as a child.

He swore he didn’t have a spider phobia and the experience had nothing to do with the man-eating giant spiders in The Hobbit, the even more giant and even more man-eating spider in Lord of the Rings, or the unholy eldritch spider from outside creation that plunged the world into darkness and made literal Satan scream like a little kid in the Silmarillion. Very few people believe him.

Given LotR’s influence in the fantasy genre, there is a high probability that tarantula is the progenitor of even more fictional spiders than Ungoliant was.

wow fuck that one tarantula

“fantasy universes have too many spiders” factoid actually just statistical error. Georgs Spider, who bit JRR Tolkein & is to blame for menacing over 10,000 fantasy universes, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

me: *chillin*

my brain: SELF HARM BINGE EAT TAKE ALL YOUR PILLS PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH A WALL DRINK AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA PULL OUT ALL YOUR HAIR SCREAM FOR NO REASON JUMP IN FRONT OF A CAR CUT OFF ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ROB A BANK

me: *no longer chillin*

Fortesa Latifi, from The Truth About Grief.

yea sex is cool but have you ever been treated like a priority instead of just an option

someday waking up will be easier and i will have survived this, but for now i am still living in it. for now my wounds are still open and i am tired.

when hozier said “the likes of a darkness so deep that god at the start couldn’t bear” and when hozier said “i’d still know you not being shown you i only need the working of my hands” and when hozier said “some part of me must have died the first time that you called me baby” and when hozier said “i would still be surprised i could find you darling in any life” and when hozier said “heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i” and when hozier said “but if we fall i only pray don’t fall away from me” and when hozier said “you were steering my heart like a wheel in your hands and darling i haven’t felt it since then” and when hozier said “if there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact they didn’t do it right” and when hozier said “if i was a riptide i wouldn’t take you out” and when hozier said “darling there’s a part of me i’m afraid will always be trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life” and when hozier said “do you know i could break beneath the weight of the goodness love i still carry for you” and when hozier said “darkness always finds you either way it creeps into the corners as the moment fades” and when