sam with actual bird wings is imagery I can get behind

#this just in: globally feared assassin can’t lie for shit

Sam Wilson + Domesticity (✿◡‿◡)

Happy Holidays y'all!✨

Q-Fics: To Market, To Market

 @walburgablack  Steve, Sam, Bucky.  Foodieverse.  Farmer’s Market.

“Give me your wallet.”

“What?” Bucky scowled at Steve.  “Fuck you.  No.”

Steve held out his hand.  “Wallet,” he said.  “Let’s go, Buck.”

Sam glanced from Steve to Bucky and back.  “Is…  Is this a thing we’re doing here?” he asked.  “Or just your garden variety stickup?”  

“It’s a pact,” Steve said, his hand still hanging in midair.  Bucky tried to duck around him, and Steve stepped in front of him.  “You promised.”

“I was drunk,” Bucky said, doing his best to shuffle across the sidewalk without meeting Steve’s eyes.

“Bullshit,” Steve said.  “Your wallet.”

“You can have mine, if that makes this conversation end,” Sam said, reaching for his back pocket.

“You can have his,” Bucky parroted.

“I don’t want his,” Steve said, his voice stern.  “He’s not going to empty his checking account buying artisanal horseradish.”

“Buying what?” Sam asked

“Oh for fuck’s sake, it was ONE TIME,” Bucky said.

Keep reading

MWAHAHAHA THIS IS GREAT.

Sometimes you just need a lot of mustard, okay. 

do you ever think about how perfectly steve, bucky, and sam typify the 3 big wars america’s fought in over the past century?

steve is the soldier who fought in world war 2. he’s the tail end of the glory and honor of war. his reasons for fighting are clear cut, moral, as far as he can tell. but the weapons used are too deadly, too fatal for glory and honor, really. there’s the attempt to treat enemy combatants with respect, with honor, all while killing them quick than has ever been possible before. there’s the unease of the shift from the old style of fighting to the new. there’s the tiredness that only comes from a second global war in only two decades. there’s the closure that comes from unprecedented total destruction. the thought of “maybe now we can go home. maybe now we can build lives like our parents, those of us that are left.”

bucky is the soldier who fought in vietnam. he’s the one that couldn’t dodge the draft, that couldn’t evade the fight no matter how hard he tried. he’s the one who followed the orders he had to, and rebelled against all the others. his uniform was askew, more civvies than not. he didn’t look a soldier, and he didn’t fight like one either. he didn’t know why he was fighting, who he was fighting. he saw too many innocents die by the hands of his comrades, of himself. he felt agent orange burn his lungs, saw orphans crying in the streets. he came home, the rat-a-tat of machine guns echoing in his ears, always. he disembarked a plane, and was spat on by anti-war protesters. he couldn’t even be angry– he agreed with them. he participated in the winter soldier investigations, confessed what he’d been forced to do, and that almost abated the weight on his shoulders. almost.

sam is the soldier who fought in afghanistan. the modern soldier, with just as much shit as the rest of them. the difference is, where steve was greeted with celebrations and bucky was greeted with vitriol, sam is overlooked, forgotten. he suffers in silence, expected to endure without protest. sam copes, but not all vets are able to do the same. afghan war vets are the ones who take their own lives in droves, the unacknowledged, unknown aftershocks from an invasion founded on half-formed ambitions from men in suits who’d never have to bear the real burden. sam is the modern day vet, unknown, unseen, unthanked.

No wonder they’re all Captain America

So is Nat the Cold War? People don’t see a soldier when they look at her, because she really isn’t, just like the cold war was never really a “war”. Nat is the spy on the run, the power never fully unleashed, the constant sense of fear that there is no backing down, no running– there are no vets of the cold war, but there are always the living casualties.

nailed it

@fireyhotsupertalia

this uglie thing has been in my drafts for months…free me from it.

Bucky went into cryogenic sleep because there were two Steves on the loose. He spent an hour or two with Sam, saw where this was going, and was just like “I’m out.”

Those two are probably giving Clint an ulcer right now.  And being a terrible influence on Scott and Wanda.  

I wonder if anyone ever told Clint who T’Challa is.  T’Challa seems like he actually would be a Responsible One, but he’s got his own country to deal with so he doesn’t usually get involved unless it’s potentially world ending.  

They fix up Bucky within months of putting him under because Sam and Steve haven’t sat still for even like, ten??? minutes? T'Challa raises him from the artic like uhm, you gonna need to go collect ya mans. Bucky is like “Oh gOD what did Steve do????” “No not that one, he’s been too Sad and Lost™ without you but the cute one has decided to try his hand at decentralizing the corrupt governance of Klaegia like, four hours plane ride south. Come on the jet’s already packed” The Dora Milaje have to keep Bucky from smashing the refrost button to go back under he’s Done.

Sam Wilson met Steve THREE TIMES and was like, “oh you want to overthrow the American government great LET’S DO THIS.” Sam Wilson’s first act in that effort was to suggest that they steal his backpack jet, right from where he KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE, almost as if he’d kept his eye on it the whole time and was maybe, y’know, planning to nab it himself at some point. Sam Wilson never met a superassassin or a king or a government agent that he didn’t want to sass and antagonize.

Sam Wilson is not the Sane One. You have been lied to.

“I do what he does, only slower”

HE TOLD YOU

idk how you watch catws and not pick up on the fact that sam is absolutely a mirror of steve… they even straight up say it in the film.

“I do what he does, just slower”

okay we gonna do this because Sam is a reckless motherfucker that absolutely mirrors Steve’s characterization and i’m goddamn tired of people grossly misinterpreting his character b/c it fits in better with their two dimensional therapy dog version of him

Sam doesn’t like taking orders, he’s not pliant or obedient. He does what he believes is right and damn the rules (sound familiar??). Theres a reason they fucking hit it off so well right from the start.

Following that we have Steve turning up on his doorstep looking like a building got dropped on him. And what does Sam do?

Yeah sure… I’ll let a couple of avengers who just told me everybody is out to kill them into my house. Sounds like a good time. It’s also a bit telling that Sam knows exactly where his suit is. Ten bucks says he’s actually tried to steal it before but couldn’t quite manage it on his own. 

And then we start getting into really no holds bar Sam:

Y'all like to forget Sam brought a two inch knife to a gun fight and won. Not to mention, he clearly walks around with a knife on him at all times… not just in his car, but on his person. 

Sam gives no fucks and will take you out. Winter soldier? Bitch try it

Some hydra fool who won’t stop talking Nazi nonsense?

Fuck this guy. he’ll take him on in nothing but a fucking t-shirt. 

Oh and remember that building that Steve jumped out of? Might as well top that by jumping out of the same one, just about 20 stories up.

Cool, cool, cool. 

Going feet first towards the rotor blades of a helicopter, knowing if you miss your legs are mulch?

No problem. 

Steve wants to track down an international maybe still brainwashed assassin?

When do we start?

And of course, this wouldn’t be complete without the penultimate Steve/Sam comparison. 

So to everyone who trashes him, or does him a disservice by making him out to be nothing more than a therapist who can fix Bucky and Steve I have one thing to say. In the immortal words of the legend Samuel Thomas Wilson himself, “Man, shut the hell up.”

This post, this one right here.

where is my sam wilson and wade wilson team up, marvel? give it to me, you cowards

Since Sam was already fighting an army of evil aliens and he was pretty sure the other Avengers were at least a full city block away, he did not bother to ask why the dude who leaped down from the fire escape was wearing red leather. The dude was clearly also invested in fighting the evil aliens and, like, that’s pretty much all you need to worry about when you’re fighting evil aliens. 

The dude did seem to be quoting all of Kim Bassinger’s dialogue from My Stepmother Is an Alien, but also. Like. Every evil alien this dude killed was one less evil alien Sam had to kill. 

As they fought–and as the dude switched to District 9–their way back to the other Avengers, Sam also had to admire the dude’s form. 

And then the dude got shot through the gut and had an arm blown off at the same time. 

See, this is why we don’t let randos in red leather join up with the superheroes, Sam thought in absolute panic as he rushed to the dude’s side.  He pulled back the red leather from the gut wound and…..that was some really gnarly scarring. 

His hands only hesitated for a split second over that thought. But then he really got pulled up short by the visual of the gut wound closing itself up. 

“That is some party trick,” he said out loud. 

“You should see me tie a cherry stem with my tongue,” the dude said. “Brings all the boys to the yard, y’know what I’m saying.” His voice was definitely guttural, pained. So whatever was making this dude into the energizer bunny of self-heal was doing diddly-squat for the pain levels. 

“Would a painkiller work on you?” he asked because Sam had spent the past couple of years in the company of a dude who got beat up more often than anyone else Sam had ever known and also processed opioids like they were tic tacs. So. Best to ask. 

“Negative, Ghost Rider,” the dude said. “Deadpool, nice to meetcha.” He held out the blown-off stump that…..had tiny digits forming on the end. 

“Definitely a good party trick,” Sam said and shook the stump. “I’m the Falcon. Sam Wilson.”

“Oooh, Mr. Wilson,” Deadpool said in a high breathy voice and then passed out. 

sam just made a bff for life 

I know we all laugh about the Nomad costume, but I think we need to discuss what motivated that style choice. For some reason I’ve never seen anyone suggest the obvious, which is that Steve has been working with Sam and Sam’s PLUNGING fucking neckline for a couple years, so when it was time for a redesign he said to himself, “I want to look cool. You know who looks cool? Sam! Sam looks so cool. Maybe I will also look cool with my entire torso exposed.”

Steve keeps taking one of those BuzzFeed quizzes to find out “Which Avenger is Your Soulmate” in hopes of getting Sam only to find out Sam wasn’t included in the list.

(He eventually files a complaint and tries to make his own quiz that he doesn’t tell anyone about.)

Steve will however forward that original quiz to Sam. Just for fun! It’s silly, you should do it! Just tell me who you got, we’ll laugh at it! Imagine if you got me? Wouldn’t it be funny if you got me? Did you get me? Are we soul mates?

And Sam’s like, babe, we’ve been married for four years now. 

*Meow* 😂😂😂

art by: pencilhead7

https://www.instagram.com/pencilhead7/?hl=en

In which the stream team encourages me to do bad things

(like get Foodieverse!Steve drunk and have him bake.  While not wearing much.  Don’t worry, Sam is there to protect him from burnt abs and film the whole thing.  It’s @ravenreyamidala ‘s fault.)

“So what’re you making?”

“Scoooooooooooooooooones.”

"Right.  Why?”

“What do you mean, why?  What kinda question is that, Wilson?  I mean?  What?” Steve slapped his hands down on the counter.  "That’s…“  He stabbed a finger in Sam’s direction.  "That’s a dumb question, that’s what that is.”

“Hey, sorry, man.”

Steve glared at the camera, his eyes bright blue slits of righteous indignation.  "You ask dumb questions.“

"I’m getting that, yeah.  Okay, you’re making scones.  What kind of scones?”

Steve was immediately distracted.  "Okay.  Okay.“  His mouth opened.  Closed.  He frowned.  

"Steve?”

"Okay!” Steve burst out.

“Right,” Sam agreed, mostly because agreeing kept the conversation moving.

“For DJ.”  Steve’s head lolled on his neck as he squinted at the camera.  "DJ likes scones?“

"Was that…   Are you asking me?”

Steve blinked.  "Why would I ask you?“  His eyes went wide.  "Wait.  Do you know?”

“Not at all,” Sam said.

“Useless,” Steve told him.

“Yeah, sorry.”  The camera angle adjusted down to the pile of ingredients on the counter.  "So what kind of scones?“

"Right, so, DJ, he, that’s DJ, DJ likes blueberry pancakes,” Steve said.  The word ‘blueberry’ had about six extra syllables in there somehow.  He leaned forward.  "They’re his favorite.“

"Okay, so you’re making-”

“Maple scones!” Steve declared, slamming his fist down on the counter.  The bowl of blueberries bounced along the polished wood, spilling its contents everywhere.  Sam focused the camera on the berries as they rolled along the cutting board.

“Maple,” Sam said.  Steve nodded.  He looked very pleased with himself.  Sam refocused on his face.  "Not blueberry.“

The whole of human existence could be seen in the rapid changes of expression that flowed across Steve’s face.  Confusion, then distaste, then anger, then befuddlement and then, at long last, enlightenment.

"Oh my fudging God,” he said, his voice reverent.  "That would be so much better.“  He blinked at Sam.  "Do we have blueberries?”

Sam focused the camera back on the blueberries scattered across the counter in front of him.  "I’ll…  I’ll look, buddy.“

Steve: Hey, Clint, thanks for the movie recommendations. Pretty in Pink was great. I liked this one too.

Steve carefully pastes the link in and presses send without a moment of regret. He tosses his phone on the counter and opens the fridge. Halfway through making a pile of sandwiches his phone vibrates on the counter. 

Clint: WTF?

Clint: U rick rolled me.

Steve: Sorry, pal.

Clint: UR an asshole. >:( 

Steve snorts and screencaps the texts. 

Steve: one down.

He attaches the picture and sends it to Sam, laughing to himself as he pulls a carton of milk from the fridge. 

Sam: Why am I friends with you?

Steve: My senior citizen’s discount. 

Natasha doesn’t reply. Steve hasn’t heard anything from her in three days, so he assumes she’s off somewhere on the other side of the world kicking ass and taking names.

He’s walking back to his place one night with a couple of large pizzas, listening to the 60s mix Sam made for him when a little blur of red and black lunges at him from the shadows. His attacker sweeps his legs out from under him and knocks him to the ground. He’s prepared to spring to the defense when he sees it’s Natasha. Steve’s laugh is cut short when she presses a pointed heel against his throat. “Dammit, Nat! You made me drop my pizzas. What the hell?” 

She presses her heel a fraction closer and breathing becomes difficult.

Natasha eyes him coolly with her arms crossed against her chest.  ”I’ve had motherfucking Rick Astley in my head for three days now, you little shithead.”

Steve snorts and immediately regrets it. 

Natasha kicks him in the ribs before offering a hand to help him off the ground.

“Share your pizza and let’s figure out how you’re going to get Stark.“ 

(Natasha is having exactly none of your shit, Steve.)

Despite what Tony thinks, Thor has no trouble with Midgardian technology. Humor, yes, but technology no. Steve sends Thor an email, swipes his iPod off the desk and goes out for a run, listening to the 70s mix Sam made him.

unknown number: I hate you.

Steve: Excuse me, I think you have the wrong number.

unknown number: I have the right number, Captain Rogers. Thor has not stopped singing all day.

Steve: I’m sorry, Dr. Foster.

Dr. Foster: No, you’re not. ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

No, he really wasn’t.

….

Steve finds an acoustic version, heavy on the sitar, of Rick Astley’s notorious hit and asks JARVIS to play it the next time Bruce plays his tea time music.

Two days later they learn that Hulk can’t sing but he can hum.  Rather soulfully, he thinks as he sends a video clip to Sam.

Sam: You fucker, Rogers.

Steve: Five down. One to go.

Sam: Good luck with that one, asshole.

Steve: Better have my money ready, Wilson.

            (Thor enjoys Midgardian folk tales sung in chanted verse)

Tony is the hardest by far. Steve brings pizza and vodka with him when he visits Natasha, and Clint is there too as a happy accident. He bounces ideas off them and everything he can think of just isn’t enough. They break for the night and he retires to his apartment.

He almost considers giving in to Sam when Tony gives him the answer unknowingly.

Steve is sitting on one of the stools in Tony’s workshop, drawing the Suit (which Tony was tickled over), when DUM-E beeps and nudges his arm. Steve grins and takes the washer they’d been using for ‘fetch’ while Tony mutters to himself and looks over the damage Steve’s body armor had sustained. 

(“It’s impossible!” He’d wailed, looking at the large gashes in the fabric.

“Tell that to my stomach,” Steve had replied from the hospital bed where his skin slowly stitched itself back together under the bandages.)

“Hey, Tony.” Steve lightly tosses the washer like an extra-small frisbee across the workshop. “Is DUM-E limited to just beeps?”

“No, he has proper speakers, he just refuses to use them for anything else. He doesn’t have the AI functionality of JARVIS. He’s like a baby. A really old baby. Or the mute eldest brother.”

Steve smiles brightly when DUM-E comes back with the washer.

——

It’s really easy to get the song onto his iPod.

——

It’s almost easier to get the iPod hooked up to DUM-E and get him to push the ‘play’ button once Tony had settled in.

——

The entire team watches through the (thankfully soundproof) glass wall as Tony shouts and chases DUM-E around his workshop.

Steve: Did it.

Sam: Pics or it didn’t happen.

Steve steps into the workshop and records the song playing as DUM-E zips around, Tony chasing him. It sends it to Sam who doesn’t reply for ten minutes.

Sam: I’m paying you in beer. BECAUSE you can’t get drunk. Asshole.

Steve: That’s Captain Asshole to you.

In which Holt surprises Jake with a visit at the VA, and introduces him to some family… (headcanon that Sam and Ray are related is based on this magnificent fanfic that you all need to read)

more Steve Rogers gifs /// more Jake Peralta gifs /// more Sam Wilson gifs /// more Ray Holt gifs /// all gifs