poetry book release!

Hi friends!! long time, no see! BUT I wanted to let you know that I am still writing and my first book is now on pre-order! Miraculous Ladybug came into my life when I needed something to hold on to and I think about my time in fandom very fondly. Thank you so much everyone! If you're interested in purchasing, the links are below!

Help Me, I'm Here:

“Anastasia Fenald captures meeting your inner teen angst with empathy and radical self-love. ‘Help Me, I’m Here’ is a moving collection of poems that will hold your heart in a warm and validating embrace.” -Oombi Solis Flores, author of (Be)longing from World Stage Press Help Me, I'm Here is a collection written by Anastasia Helena Fenald of personal call and response poems between her adolescent and adulthood selves. Her poems, or trios, focus on three separate voices: childhood, adulthood, and the sum total of who she is now. Her childhood poems have only been sparsely edited to preserve the integrity of her younger self's voice. Help Me, I'm Here is the epitome of self-love, bringing the reader on a journey of self-discovery as Fenald becomes the adult her younger self has always needed--the person who loves her no matter what.

"But can’t our dream, Little Me, be us in motion as we scribble little notes and tuck them away for later reading?"

Excerpt from Our Dream

7/23/22: Los Angeles In-Person/Zoom Hybrid Book Release: https://helpmeimhere.eventbrite.com (paperback signed preorder) eBook: Help Me, I'm Here

MY POETRY MANUSCRIPT IS COMPLETE

And I'm starting to submit it to places~~~

Two years. Two years of hard work and I am. I am so happy and proud.

So many drafts, so many notebooks. I wrote so many poems during 30 min lunches, revised poems during said lunches. Thought about them as I drove to and from work 3 hours a day.

And I'm so happy it's done with and now it's going to be out in the world :)

it’s complicated— 

the way you convert old film reel into digital,

you’re pressed into my side

and i wish i could rewind time

to watch you in hazy analogue

it’s complicated

when i look at

your smile in old photographs,

wishing the colors were more

saturated

love is a fickle thing

where i’m dawn and you’re dusk 

and i want to hold your hand at noon,

so the day is split evenly 

between us

but you are worth every second

that i lose,

every stolen moment,

every day that

passes into night

even if tomorrow

is the end of time,

my time with you

will never be less

precious.

for @buckyhasthephonebox commission info

commission a poem from me!

hi friends :D

I decided to try my hand at this commission thing so buy me a coffee! The more coffees you buy, the longer the poem! :D  

I'll write a poem of your choosing. Most topics are fine, including darker themes, but I have the right to refuse a topic. Every poem comes with at least one revision! I write both in rhyme and free-verse too! Just want to do something fun and great. Happy poems, love poems, sad poems, heartbreak poems, poems about your OTP. I got you fam. Hit me up! Sample poems: Take my soul If I die, let it be known that I never suffered from not loving enough My heart is to nourish you, give thanks to your existence When I die, please know that I love you so Take my soul and wear it to keep you from the cold dappled verb: the way sun streams down between tree branches as you look up past the green, the brown always seeking endless blue hope a rainbow promise from the corner of your eye

You can also check out my poetry tag!

Check it out and let me know! Thank you :D

New writing goal

Writing one page at a time

Alternatively: editing one page at a time

Who knew you can make so much progress with smaller goals rather than a bigger one. I guess Terry Pratchett was on to something with that 400 words a day thing.

Tbh writing original stories is the same as writing fanfiction if you try hard enough

Writing fanfiction is like finding a safety blanket and never wanting to let go because it is so

c o m f o r t a b l e.

Like a bed on cold mornings where you are snugged perfectly in the warmth and sleep.

Writing original stories on the otherhand is about being vulnerable and opening yourself up in new ways with new insecurities you share with the world.

So much more second guessing, so much more pressure, because at least with fanfic you'll have one reader. You're not guaranteed that with original fiction.

But...sometimes it's better to be uncomfortable for a while as you go of things and insecurities and eventually you'll be proud of something you created in your own sandbox.

When that time comes for me, it all will be worth it.

I AM 50% DONE WITH MY FIRST DRAFT

i CRIED.

LEGIT cried because i am always too afraid to finish stuff, but i’m half way there. like for a real first draft.

i have 50 poems already written and i just need another 50 to go.

this is amazing. 

-Oscar Wilde

myWriteClub - Word Sprints

myWriteClub is all about crushing your writing goals. 

It gives you a timer for 25 mins on the hour and the half hour. It’s a really easy way to get some writing done for the day, but you don’t feel really obligated to write like all day. 

It’s only 25 mins! That’s it! It makes it so easy to breathe!!!! 

Here’s what a session kinda looks like:

It has a timer, a pretty standard body to write, and your account that keeps your word count. Not shown, but you can see how much other people are doing in their 25 mins too! 

Either way, I really like this website. I’m gonna try to write 25 mins again every day. I fell of the horse, but this site makes it easy to get back to it.

There are other fancy features to track your novel progression, but truth be told, I’m a lazy person and I just want to do the word sprint parts. 

So today during my 80 min commute to work, I got to thinking. And I have thought about this many times, but I am strong believer that words have power when we say them.

I don't want to write to become a best selling author.

I want to write to be happy and to make other people happy.

It doesn't matter to me anymore if it's fanfiction or fiction.

I want to write to be happy because writing makes me happy.

Being a best selling author would be cool, but if it doesn't happen, that doesnt mean I should stop something I love.

I still want to publish original poems and stories and get better at my craft, but because I want to.

There are so many other obligations in my life and I don't have room right now to make writing a strict obligation.

I love to write and I think, for me at least, that's enough.

Okay so after deleting a bunch of random things, I have narrowed down my inbox to about 414 prompts. Just. Prompts. That is crazy! I could to a prompt a day and not even be done with them lmao Anyway, even if things are like three years old, i am making it a goal to get at these and finish these up!!!

reminder: only you can write your story

it doesn’t matter if you think it’s dumb right now or a waste of time, but if you never write it, the world can never see it

a part of me is cringing at what i’m writing right now. it’s the first draft and very personal

BUT only I can tell this story because it’s mine and it is not a waste of time. i love it and i will fix it later and make it better than i could ever dream, but i have to write it first

So this won't get out of my head, but i think its important to say: people are not obligated to like things you produce. You can make the most amazing art piece or book or song, but that doesn't mean anyone will ever see or hear it.

Art is a hard business. You don't go into hoping for fame and fortune. May it be from internet points to actual monetary value, you are not guaranteed anything.

And that is super sad and discouraging. Yet completely realistic.

But i think we owe it to ourselves to not give up. If you stop because no one notices you, then no one will really ever see what you can do. If you stop because why bother trying, then you already ended your career before it could begin.

We owe it to ourselves because we want to and we love it. It is important to realize why you create things and what is your goal.

The more i fixate on wanting to gain instead of create, the more i feel like it's not possible.

But when i create things out of love instead of obligation, there is a happiness i can't describe because i did something small to make my dreams come true.

And that is really all i can do.

Me: *thinks of new story idea* I should start an outline and plot out how this is going to go!!!!!!!

Also me: nahhhhhhhhh

books

Books fall into my life like a person interrupting the conversation I’m having with myself. It’s the little tap on the shoulder that causes pause from my constant inner dialogue of words that don’t make sense about thoughts I’ve had more times then I can count in a single lifetime.

Books rain down like golf ball size hail and dent my car all over and break the windshield. I don’t get to pretend that I don’t see the marks they make in my vision because the last thing I’m going to do now is not read them.

So, I stay up all night as the pages hold the knife to my back and I devour the pages and my heart has entered a new cult because how did I live before I saw this truth? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, but I fall in love with fiction much like how one develops Stockholm Syndrome.

I’m held captive by Hades and Persephone in all of their retellings, by every Beauty and every Beast, e.e. cummings when he says fuck you to structure because it’s his poems dammit and no rules will tie him down. Princess saving themselves, and fanfiction that show me that present tense is all I’ve ever needed.  

Books walk into my life and kiss me hard on the mouth. My soul is left with paper cuts, with teeth marks, with love bites. Words tangle into my hair and push me up against the wall, leaving me breathless because, oh, this is love.

i took myself shopping yesterday. i wanted to buy a new dress for a zelda concert so i took myself shopping. i took two hours to get ready. i took a shower, i shaved my legs, i did my hair. i tried on a million outfits. it was wonderful.

i spent about an hour doing my makeup because i decided to watch masterchef and i wanted to play with eyeshadow. i wore more than three colors. took my time blending colors in my crease, highlighted my brow bone, had a smoky wing with more shadow. 

i put on an extreme highlight on my face, on the spots above my cheeks, by my temples, the slim part of my nose, down my cupid’s bow. warmed up my face with bronzer.

i wore dark plum lipstick. wore pearl earrings, wore a pink lacy coverup. twisted my hair for once. i felt so beautiful.

i took myself on a date yesterday. bought a box of expensive chocolates to take home to my family. wandered the mall at my own pace from store to store looking for a pretty green dress so that i can look like link. i asked store associates for help and they were so nice. these ladies were so nice but understanding when i didn’t find what i was looking for. 

i ended up in a little boutique. i told the new sales associates why i wanted the dress. their faces lit up when i told them i saw a kingdom hearts concert in june. the girls didn’t mind when i didn’t want the first dress because i felt it clung to my body in a weird way and i didn’t want that. one said i get that, that you might not like that about yourself.

one got me to try on a new dress that was actually a size down. A SIZE DOWN. a medium when i usually buy extra large and i was a bit scared, but she assured me that this one has more flowy cut so i did and--it was perfect. nothing made me feel insecure and i felt very confident.

when i was in the dressing room, the two girls would chat about the new products and giggle and be excited about the little knickknacks. it made me feel warm how happy they were. 

i bought my concert dress and they helped me find a new dress for work and they were so awesome and wanted me to model all the dresses we picked and were generally happy when we found one that looked perfect. 

i told their manager that they did a great job, that the store was fun and inviting, that i’ll be back for sure. she smiled so big and was so kind. she genuinely likes her job, the girls do too. they like each other. they like their customers. their happiness put a spell on all who walked in the door.

i came home to my mom and grandmother and i put on a little fashion show. they loved the dresses i got. i loved the dresses i got. they liked the box of chocolates a bit more.

i took myself on a date yesterday and it was amazing.