Women and girls have to literally deprogram themselves in order to survive as independent adults.
Our childhood constantly and subtly reinforces that we must be passive, pleasant, unassertive, acquiescent, modest, and dependent. Girls are socially punished when they stray outside these ideals, or are too honest and unapologetic about their views, or if they don’t go along with the crowd.
But this is in total opposition to the skills we need in our careers, and in personal relationships. To succeed in your career, you have to develop the skill of saying “no” with confidence (without feeling the need to explain or excuse yourself), you must be able to lead others without apologizing or second-guessing yourself, and you must be your own best advocate. To stay safe in personal relationships, you have to learn to recognize, value, and prioritize your own opinion on what and who is right for you, you have to learn to trust your own instincts, you must be able to say “no” without feeling like you’re being mean or withholding, and you have to be able to communicate your needs openly, honestly, and apologetically.
Society gives women and girls the burden of undoing what has been done to us, and punishes us if we can’t.