had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

Oh My God Damn

Overheard in the office hallway between two older businessmen:

“Don’t you dare pull my shirt up, I have a meeting.”

You know what happy pride to those two guys

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

An actual World Heritage Post

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

no one i know irl would appreciate this

go white boy goooo

no white boy not like that

white boy i've never seen anyone fuck it up like that

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

tags by @eridan-ampora

Update: this is the best post I've ever made because everyone is sharing their Warm Beverage recipes in the notes. Go check the notes for more Warm Beverages That Will Fix You.

three person poly relationship made up of two people who are already dating trying to coax someone with horrific self worth issues into a loving relationship. stray cat style

they’re all laying together in bed and the couple are both thinking to themselves like good, he stayed the night to cuddle and talk when we offered, he should know that we genuinely care for him and want this to be more then a handful of one night stands. and the stray cat guy is like wow this sure is nice i think i’m falling in love with them. it’s really too bad that they don’t actually give a fuck and hate me and probably want to kill me with hammers for no reason

it has been like. two days

carbon monoxide

glados miku ^_^

Wheatley in Lego dimensions when he becomes a loving father (design by @scrawnym4)

So I played Portal…

Uhura is the type of person to have a salad in a plastic container she shakes obnoxiously for 10 minutes before eating it like an English teacher

4000cc breast implants :)

I don't know how to tell you this. But the wizard in the picture is canonically Saruman.

#saruman's big artificials vs. gandalf's big naturals

um I guess, its not canon in Hades game but I wanted to make this joke anyways

girl mutuals who want to kiss and eat cunt & so forth should be paid by the state to go see each other

WRONG BLOG