Flips, Quips n’ Thwips

Shazam, a supposedly magic immortal being of unknown origin: kinda pops off ngl

Batman, a father of 6: (narrows eyes in suspicion) yes…indeed it does..

Look, I might not have as much experience as you cause I’m not super old like you, but I’ve seen all of the Fast and the Furious movies, lady. It’s all… about… FAMILY!

*at some kind of fancy event*

Shazam: *about to go in on the free wine*

Batman: *taking the glass out of his hand* No.

Shazam: aw

Rest of the Justice League: ???

Adult woman journalist: *flirting with Shazam*

Shazam: *flirting back*

Batman, physically towing him away: nope no absolutely not

Shazam: *finally gets ahold of a glass of wine & takes a sip*

Shazam: ...........

Shazam: *discreetly spits the wine back into the glass*

Flash, watching from across the room: ok what the fuck

bruce wayne, incapable of not supporting children: good job out there today shazam. you should be proud

the rest of the justice league who don’t know about billy: what the FUCK is happening right now

I feel like it would be even funnier if Bruce didn’t actively know Shazam was a kid, but its just his dad instinct goes off whenever Shazam is around and even Bruce is kind of weirded out by it.

Batman: You need to be more careful out there Shazam, your look before you leap attitude is going to get someone hurt.

Shazam *Visibly pouting and looking glum* yes sir.

Batman: *Sigh* I can’t stay mad at you. Look, how about you hit the showers,, then we get some pizza for the watchtower. My treat. We can discuss strategy then.

Shazam: Sure thing Batman! Thanks. *flies off*

Green Lantern: Okay Bruce? The fuck is going on with you and that guy?

Batman: I DON’T. KNOW. Its like every time I see him I find myself planning a college fund for the guy.

Green Lantern: He’s like in his thirties right?

Batman: I think so? I mean I don’t really know anything about him outside of work. I think I may need to do some digging here Hal because this is starting to freak me out.

Well now I’m imagining Batman and the Shazams eating pizza.

Hal, casually sliding over: Hey, Cap, how old are you?

Shazam: Oh, y’know, immortality–it kinda blurs after the first few thousands years

Batman, sweating: You’re immortal? When was the last time you drank water?

Shazam: JUICE IS A PERFECTLY GOOD SUBSTITUTE–

__

Nightwing: So Bats said that I couldn’t always eat donuts but it’s like, what’s the worst that could happen?

Shazam, nodding: If you can eat food, it’s better than nothing.

Batman, speaking to what he assumes is an immortal god, not really sure if Shazam even eats: You should eat your vegetables

__

Batman, walking through the Tower at late-o’clock, watching Shazam and Cyborg play video games: Get some sleep, it’s important that your body gets enough rest

Batman: whats wrong

Shazam: Nothing, moneys just going to tight for a while

Batman: heres my credit card

Shazam: what- thanks! I’ll pay you back I swear

Batman: no need

superman: can I borrow a dollar?

Batman: no

If a superhero can’t save his family, he’s not much of a hero.

SHAZAM! (2019)

dir. David F. Sandberg

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) || Shazam! (2019)

i have a new son and his name is freddy

Shazam is one of a very few superhero characters that is genuinely stoked to be a superhero. More often than not, you’ve got a character who is begrudgingly pulled into this, and everybody needs them, and they’re like, “Ohh, I have to save the world again.” Billy Batson is stoked! —Zachary Levi, Shazam! (2019)