Life Is Good

I'm pretty happy these days. 2 months into 2015, it's already a better year than the last 2 put together. We are finally not stressed out about money all the time. My husband got the new car he's needed but waited so patiently for (for years!). My favorite band on the planet actually knows who I am - and my husband too, for that matter. And a lot of monkeys are off our backs in general, with much to look forward to in the coming months. The kids are still brilliant and healthy, and we have a great marriage. I'm married to my best friend. No doubt, I'm leaving out some things, but I feel truly blessed right now, and I really, really like this feeling.

Dear Diary, 12.21.13

1. Four days ‘til Christmas, and then it will be 2014 soon after that! I’m not in the habit of making New Year’s resolutions, but I do have one primary goal for next year, and that is to finally be in the same room with Bruno Mars. Somehow, I have got to get somewhere to see that man perform live. It’s long overdue.

2. I have been done with the Christmas shopping for a while but have yet to wrap anything. That’s what I plan to do sometime this weekend - lock myself in a room away from the family and have a marathon gift wrapping session. I can’t wait for my husband and kids to see their presents.

3. It’s the first day of winter, but our temps are in the 80s here in Florida. I’ll take this over freezing anytime. The one day I do like it to be at least a little cold is Christmas Day, and I think I might get my wish.

4. So many people I know are going through things that make my own troubles seem small. I guess it’s true what they say, that if we knew other people’s problems, we’d ask for own back. The more I think about that, the less I feel like complaining about anything. For the most part, and in the ways that matter the most, my life is good, and I’m thankful for that. On the hard days, remembering that is what keeps me going.

A Happy Thanksgiving, Indeed

I'm feeling extra thankful this Thanksgiving.  It could be because it's been a trying year on a lot of levels, but now we have close family in town for the holiday with more coming later today.  We are usually loners for the most part, but our house has been full of even more noise and laughter than usual, and all I can do is smile.  We are surrounded by people who truly love us unconditionally, and that is a real blessing.  I will be sad when they leave.  Times like this make me wish we lived closer to them.  I've looked forward to it for weeks.  Now it's here and will be over before I know it, but I am going to enjoy their visit to the fullest for as long as it lasts. 

I started cooking at the beginning of the week, and my mom and aunt continued when they got here yesterday.  Seeing them whip up yummy concoctions in my kitchen filled me with warm, fuzzy feelings.  My in-laws will be bringing more food when they come to join us today too.  I can't wait to see everyone together again and to eat the feast we've all helped put together.

In all this, I also got a sweet surprise.  My baby nephew (he's 1 1/2 now) came along with my mom, aunt, and cousins.  He was supposed to be going to Puerto Rico with my brother and his wife, but they decided to surprise me and bring him to see me.  I seriously thought I was losing my mind and seeing things when I saw him standing in my front yard!  But no, he's really here, and I couldn't be happier about that.  My daughters have gotten to play with their only first cousin, and all 3 of my parents' grandkids are together at the same time for maybe the first time ever.  Distance is crazy.  When I was growing up, the whole family lived in one city, so we saw each other all the time.  Not so much now, so this Thanksgiving reunion of sorts has an extra special place in my heart, and best of all, it's not over yet!

I rarely post personal pics here, but I came across this one tonight and can’t stop looking at it. This is me with my husband in 2004, just a few weeks after we met. It’s crazy to think about all we’ve been through together and how much our lives have changed since then. We are much more stressed out now because - life - but we are just as in love now as we were then, and that’s saying a lot. I’m beyond thankful for that.

All That Matters

I woke up this morning, not in the best mood.  That isn't news in itself; I'm a well-known anti-morning person.  But this morning, I was having a serious case of the grumps for no good reason.  Then I had a conversation with someone dear to me that jolted me out of my abyss and reminded me that it can always be worse.  She shared news with me about her own life that breaks my heart, and although my struggles are real, they seem to pale in comparison.  So, I just want to say this...

Even in relationships, some people are lonely.  I have my husband, and we are genuinely happy together.  Some people want children but can't have them, or they have children they don't want or deserve.  We have been blessed with 2 perfect, healthy, beautiful daughters that we love more than anything.  Nothing else really matters.  I look at my life sometimes and think about all the things I had envisioned for myself that haven't happened and may never happen, but one thing I wanted the most was a happy marriage and happy, healthy kids, and that's exactly what I got.  As long as we have each other, I feel like we have everything. 

So, while I am heartbroken for my friend and will be here to support her no matter what, I am also thankful today for perspective.  Whatever I am going through in my own life, it will all work out if I don't lose that. 

- Jefferson Bethke

Dear Diary, 9.28.13

1. I’ve gotten several new followers lately. That’s always fun.

2. My mother-in-law and brother-in-law drove down to visit us for a few hours today. I was really excited to see them. I genuinely love my in-laws. They’ve been more family to me than some of my blood relatives in recent years. I’m so thankful for their presence in my life.

3. I seem to have discovered quite a community of Tumblr people who are as obsessed with Bruno Mars as I am. It’s nice to share my lunacy with like-minded individuals.

4. Is it just me, or do you have a strange attraction to certain people you follow yet have never met in person and hardly ever spoken to? There’s just one of those for me. I won’t dare say who it is, but I kinda smile when his posts come up. I seriously need to get a grip.

5. I get so tired of being an adult sometimes. What was I thinking? I should’ve stayed a kid. Is there such a thing as a Get Out of Adulthood Free card? Besides death, I mean. Let’s not get crazy.

Good Day

My caretaker journey began close to a decade ago - almost 9 years. In that time, I’ve often been afraid and overwhelmed, and I’ve felt ill-equipped to handle the sacrifices and responsibilities placed at my feet. My husband knows this more than anyone, as he’s the one who lives with me, goes through it alongside me, and has to make the same sacrifices by virtue of being my husband. He’s the one who endures my crying fits and tantrums and stands with me right through it all.

But there are days like today, when I have an extra good visit with Daddy, and I am able to step back and take a deep breath and just rest in the knowledge that God’s taken care of us all this time, and He’s not going to leave us now. So many people wish they still had their father around, and while I do, I want to cherish the moments we have together. Like with parenting, every day isn’t rosy, but the good ones always make up for the bad ones.

A-ha Moment

I'm continually blown away by how God meets us where we are to use us for His good, if only we are willing and paying attention.

I made what was supposed to be a routine stop at Burger King to grab milkshakes for my older daughter and my dad, but it turned out to be another a-ha moment where I was reminded of just how blessed I am, despite the challenges I am facing in my life. As soon as we drove into the parking lot, we noticed a couple sitting there in the shade with a sign that read, "Homeless and hungry, plz help." Without a second thought, I ordered the milkshakes and then ordered 2 bacon burgers, 2 fries, and 2 cups of ice water. When I was done, I told Daddy and my daughter that the food was not for us; it was for the couple under the tree. My dad, being the way he is, teased me about "suddenly" being so generous, but I know he was proud. I could see it in his eyes. After all, I learned from the best. I simply told him that I'd want someone to feed me if I was hungry. I hadn't even added up the cost of what I was ordering in my head like I usually do, counting every penny; I just ordered, and it turned out that the total was almost exactly the amount of money I had...all of the bills and some of the change - money I hadn't planned to spend but gladly did because I felt like those people needed it more than I did at that moment.

When I drove back around and gave them the food, I could tell it was greatly appreciated, and the lady who walked to the car for it beat me to saying, "God bless you." I still said it back to her and told her that I hope things turn around for them soon. And I do. But for the grace of God, it could be me and my family sitting there. Or yours. Or someone you know. It's a good feeling to be able to bless someone else even in the midst of my own storm. I'm thankful that we were at that BK at that time today and that I had that $9 in my purse.

More Random Thoughts

1. Thanks to my in-laws, my husband's car trouble is over (for now), and my MIL even came today and took us shopping for school supplies and school uniforms for my kindergartner, and we didn't even ask. God bless them. Such a load off my mind. 2. School starts this coming Thursday. I'm starting to look forward to it, but it's going to be a big change, getting back on a school schedule after a very lax summer. 3. A little frog has been camping out on our patio all week. He's really cute. I've taken several pics of him, one of which I posted here on my blog a couple of days ago. I've been wanting a pet. This isn't really what I had in mind, but he's welcome to hang out on our patio as long as he wants. 4. Shark Week 2013 starts tomorrow night on the Discovery Channel. Psyched! I'm almost 39 and have been watching it every year since I was about 15. It doesn't seem real that it's been that long, but I guess time really does fly when you're having fun!

Another Day in Paradise

Although the title of this blog post isn't a direct reference to the Phil Collins song of the same name, that song certainly applies to where I'm going with this.  This morning, I was thinking a lot about how blessed I feel in my life.  Today marks 9 years since I moved to Florida, and in the time that I've been here, I've gotten married, had 2 kids and made a nice life for myself, all tied up in a neat little bow.  And then, as if to test just how thankful I am, something happened.

I was driving and exited the highway on my way (with my daughters) to visit good friends who recently moved away from our neighborhood, and there at the end of the exit, was a homeless couple.  As in the Phil Collins song, my first instinct was to not make eye contact.  But how Christian is that?  How humane is that?  Not very.  I thought again about the good things in my life and how that couple probably had a life like mine at one time too.  I thought about how, due to circumstances, it could have just as easily been myself or someone I love sitting there with a homeless sign.  I then remembered that, despite the fact that I rarely carry cash, there was $3 in my purse.  As the light turned green, I held up traffic to reach into my purse and hold the money out of my window while the lady of the couple got up to come get it from me.  Her husband was at another car, and as she got up, I immediately noticed that she was limping.  For whatever reason, she wasn't able to walk well, but she made it to my car and got the cash, at which point I actually felt bad that all I had to give was $3.  I said that I was sorry that I didn't have more, but she was very gracious and thankful for even $3...as she should have been, of course...but this just made me feel even more empathy for her situation. 

We struggle to make ends meet just like most of the other people I know, and the first human instinct is often to hold onto every penny you can, but at that moment today, I knew in my heart that those people obviously needed that $3 more than I did.  As I sit here typing on an iMac in my comfortable home, with my kids playing and laughing upstairs and my own husband, home from a long day at work, sitting on the couch typing away on his own laptop, it's storming outside, and I can't help but think about that couple I saw earlier.  Wherever they wind up tonight, I hope they will be safe and dry, and I pray that one day soon they won't have the need to sit at the end of an exit ramp in hopes that someone will spare even $3 to help them. 

Thankful

Christmas is just a few days away now, and my kids - especially the 4-year-old, who is old enough to fully understand what's happening now - are very excited. Truth be told, so am I. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, one of many things I picked up from my father. I have so many wonderful memories of Christmases growing up and hope to provide my two daughters with the same. For a little while after I became an adult, the holiday started to lose some of its excitement for me, but having children and seeing it through childlike eyes again has made it spectacular all over again.

Then there's part of me that thinks about others who are not as fortunate. We struggle, sure. But somehow we have been blessed to always be able to make Christmas special for our kids. Somehow, some way. And whatever slack we might have is more than made up for by doting grandparents, aunts, uncles and even close friends. But what about the families who don't have that safety net or support system? Yes, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and good will toward humankind, but if you're a kid with no presents to open on Christmas, that's got to be rough. Christmas and birthdays should be magical, and it hurts my heart to think of kids who don't have that. Last year, I managed to squeeze some money out of our budget to pitch in for presents for less fortunate children. Unfortunately, things were way too tight for me to do that this year, but I definitely intend to get back to giving next year.

I said all that to say this: As hard as it is to make ends meet sometimes, I know that I'm blessed. I have healthy, happy children and a sweet, loving husband - the kind women dream of. We aren't rich with money, but we are definitely rich when it comes to love and support - from each other as well as from those close to us. Our needs are met, and we are content. For all that, I am incredibly thankful...not only at Christmas time, but all year.