Tween a Rock and a Hard Place

Every morning before school, there’s a part of our morning routine my daughters have wanted me to continue since they were in pre-school. It’s something I had started doing without even realizing it - quietly holding and rocking them after they’re dressed and before we do their hair. They call it a “rocking hug,” and even if we’re running late or we are grouchy (we aren’t morning people), they never want me to cut that part of the routine.

This particular morning, I held my oldest a little longer than usual. It’s becoming more and more apparent that she’s growing up. She’ll be starting Middle School in the fall, and my mind has been racing thinking about what that means and where we’re headed. At a meeting last night, the school flat out said our kids will not be the same when they finish 8th Grade as they will be entering 6th Grade. I guess that’s supposed to be good thing?? Probably, but it also freaks me out a little. The teen years are fast approaching, and I am not sure I’m ready. Is any parent ever truly ready for that? And yet, there’s not really anything I can do about it. She is actually growing up right before my eyes.

We have always done just about everything as a family - even Valentine’s Day and a lot of times, wedding anniversaries. For us, spending time with the kids as much as possible for as long as possible has been the priority. We knew this time would come and that maybe the kids would start getting lives of their own. Just this month, the almost-teen has been invited to go places with friends twice (and their parents, thankfully), and we’ve allowed her to go without us because we know the friends and parents, and she really wanted to go. But it’s strange - for me, at least. We are usually a group of 4 whenever we aren’t at work or school, and it feels weird when one of us is doing something else. I also feel the need to compensate to my other daughter for her constant playmate being gone for the day. I’m no substitute for her big sister, but I think we’ve done OK so far.

The next few years will be a huge time of growth for our oldest. I would venture to say, for our whole family. With this being our first child, this next stage is new for all of us. There will probably be school dances and hormones and more homework than she’s used to having. School cliques and awkward stages and just trying to figure it all out. I remember all that like it was yesterday. I can’t stop this train, but I can be here for her the whole trip, even if I have to grit my teeth at times.

So, this morning, while I held her a little extra during our rocking hug, all I could think about was how glad I am that she hasn’t outgrown wanting me to do that - even now, when she’s already not much shorter than I am. I will do that for as long as she’ll let me. In her heart, she’s still my baby, and in mine, she always will be.