This is incredibly funny and incredibly true - totally my life!

Charles R. Swindoll

The Phone Call That Changed Everything

It's been almost 7 years to the day when I got the phone call that turned my world upside down.  Just before getting it, I was on top of the world - newly engaged, giddy in love and planning for the future.  A true Daddy's Girl from birth, I couldn't wait for my dad to walk me down the aisle, and he was just as excited and planning to sing 2 songs in my wedding with that amazing voice of his.  We had long had the type of relationship where we talked on the phone almost daily, rarely (if ever) going even 2 days without speaking.  

While showering on the evening of January 30, 2005, it dawned on me that I hadn't spoken to my dad in about 3 days, and I made a mental note to call him when I got out of the shower.  As I reached for my phone to do just that, I saw that I had a voicemail.  The rest of what happened plays over and over in my head like a dramatic movie that never gets easier to watch, except it really happened...to me.  To us.  The voicemail was from a policeman in Mesquite, Texas, where my dad had moved a few months prior for a new teaching job.  He said that my dad was in Intensive Care after suffering a major heart attack - that he'd almost died already; they'd shocked his heart 4 times to revive him, and they weren't sure how much longer he'd live...that I should make arrangements to get there as soon as possible.  From Florida.  

For as long as I could remember, losing my dad had been my biggest fear, especially knowing that his own dad had passed away from a sudden, massive heart attack at just 50 years old.  My dad was then 57.  I stumbled down the stairs as best I could and fell to the floor in the kitchen, sobbing uncontrollably as my husband (then-fiance') repeatedly asked me what was wrong.  Finally, the only words I could get out between sobs were, "My...Daddy.........My.......DADDY!!!!!!"  Still not quite sure what was happening, he took me in his arms and comforted me until I could compose myself long enough to explain more of what happened and how I needed to get to Texas IMMEDIATELY.

After meeting up with my mother and brother, we headed to that hospital in Mesquite. From the seriousness in the voice of that officer on the phone, I was fearing the worst.  I just kept praying that we'd at least get there before he passed away.  At that point, that is what the expectation was - that we were likely going there to say our good-byes.  We did get there, and he didn't look well; he was a little swollen, I think, and he was hooked up to all these machines...nothing like the vital, independent life of the party I knew him to be.  He wasn't even conscious and hadn't been during his entire hospital stay.  The doctor was convinced that he was nearly brain dead.  That's when I lost it and told her in no uncertain terms that he was still in there because if he wasn't I, of ALL people, would know it.  And I was right.  

To make a long story short, we had him transported back to our hometown of Nashville and to a much better hospital and doctor (I got to ride w/him in a medical helicopter!), and he's still with us today.  There have been so many twists and turns in this story, and I've had to take on his business affairs.  I jokingly refer to myself as his secretary.  He's spent time where I am in Florida, back home again in Nashville and with other relatives in California.  We've had family caregivers and non-family caregivers, good caregivers and awful caregivers.  He is very much capable of doing most things on his own, and anyone who didn't know that he has some memory loss due to his near-death experience wouldn't even realize he's not 100% well.  But after all the stress and all the worrying and the prayers and the wondering how in the world we got to this point, he is still truly blessed to still be here and to be doing as well as he is. 

For the record, he did walk me down the aisle at my wedding, with the help of my brother - one on each side of me, just like I'd always wanted.  And he's gotten to be here to see his grandchildren after wanting so badly to be a grandparent for so many years. Indeed, there is much to be thankful for even on days when it has been a bit much.  I feel like my life is divided into 2 parts: Life Before the Heart Attack and Life After the Heart Attack.  But I'm glad that Life After the Heart Attack still includes having my dad with us in the land of the living.  

Never take your parents or their health for granted.  You only get one set, and they could be taken away when you least expect it.  While some dynamics of my relationship with my dad have changed since I've had to become the parent in many ways, he is still the same in a lot of ways and still one of my favorite people ever.  Once a Daddy's Girl, always a Daddy's Girl, I guess.

This article literally made me LOL because I can totally relate!  

What Happened to Me?!

I can vaguely remember a time not that long ago when I had a regular sleep schedule, a steady paycheck, a house where things stayed where I put them and where they belonged, and my greatest fantasy wasn’t having time to take a nap.  I took for granted that I could shower whenever I felt like it.  Go to bed whenever I felt like it.  Eat a meal and not have to share it.  Use the bathroom without “assistance.” Go on a road trip or to a movie…whenever I felt like it.  I was the girl you’d see at work one day and then the next, not realizing that I’d taken a road trip overnight to see a band I like in concert without skipping a beat.  I was a little younger then, yes, but getting older isn’t what changed all that.  Nope, what happened 4 years ago that changed it all was that I became a mother.

When I met Michael, I just “knew”… I knew like they say you know when you meet “The ONE” that we would get married and make beautiful children together, and you know what?  That’s exactly what we did.  Just as planned.  At least 2 but no more than 3, we said.  We’ll name the first girl Michaela Grace, we said.  We’ll be wonderful parents, we said.  All of that came true.  All of that is wonderful, made even more so by the addition of our second daughter, Katelyn Elizabeth.  What I hadn’t counted on was being this TIRED. All. The. Time.  It never ends.  I am never not at least a little (say it with me now)…t-i-r-e-d! 

After having our first child, we agreed that I would stay home with her for one year and then go back to work.  For many years, I’d worked at various concert venues and in other music industry-related companies because I’m a singer, and music was my first love.  I constantly wanted - needed - to be around it.  I thirsted for it.  So, I left a pretty decent gig at Hard Rock Live in Orlando and decided that I’d become a stay-at-home mom.  Although my dad was in town at the time and needed me to check in on him regularly for health reasons, having just one child who wasn’t even walking yet wasn’t that hard.  Even though she wasn’t sleeping through the night, I think I handled it pretty well.  I tried to nap when she did.  We had a system.  But I was a newbie then.  Still fresh in the game.

One year staying home turned into two, and we had Katelyn.  By the time of her birth, my dad had gone to live elsewhere, but now there were TWO of them!  Just as Michaela started sleeping on a consistent, workable schedule, the new baby came, so my 24/7 work schedule continued.  My best friend of well over 20 years used to tell me that I wouldn’t be a “real” parent until I had more than one child.  I scoffed.  “But I’m already tired!,” I insisted.  Whatever.  She was right…as she has been on many, many issues in the time we’ve known each other!  Now I am the one telling new parents they won’t have a clue until they have a second child.  Even with little sleep, when Kate wasn’t walking yet, I still found time to rest here and there during the day.

That’s not so easy now that she’s walking…um, running…around all the time.  With two children so close in age, I am a referee as much as a cook, playmate, diaper changer, grocery shopper, budget balancer, toy picker upper and all the other things I do in the course of a day or week.  There is always something to be cleaned up or something that someone is getting into.  In short, there is hardly time to catch my breath sometimes.  I am in a spiral somewhat like the movie Groundhog Day in that every morning I wake up the same way with the same thoughts and do the same things, anxious for my husband to get home from work and help me hold down the fort.  I like routine as much as the next girl, but I also find myself wondering sometimes, now what?  What’s next?  What happened to me?  Is this what I went to college for?

Don’t get me wrong.  Being able to stay at home with my girls has been a blessing that I would have been sad not to have happen.  But our older daughter will be starting pre-school before the year is over, and the younger daughter will soon be 2 years old.  Then what?  I do some freelance portrait photography here and there, but it’s hardly a full-time job.  I have plans to expand that, but is that enough?  I have long procrastinated in learning to play my neglected guitar.  Maybe I should dive back into that and write some new songs?  I guess only time will tell exactly what the path will be.

I often say that parenthood isn’t for the weak at heart.  It’s also not for the lazy or the selfish.  Children bring amazing joy and are precious gifts from God, but anyone who tells you that parenting is all hearts and flowers is either lying to you or completely delusional.  There is so much pressure, either real or imagined, for mothers in particular to be perfect.  You constantly wonder if you’re doing enough or doing the right things, even though you’re already giving so much of yourself. I’m here to tell you that there ain’t no such thing as a perfect parent.  We do the best we can with what we have.  Parents should not be in competition to see who can appear to be the better parent.  We should all encourage each other because this is the hardest job we will ever have - the most vital - but also the hardest. 

It’s hard to explain all this to people who don’t have kids.  I rolled my eyes and thought I understood before I had children, but you really don’t until you’re a parent.  It’s the kind of thing you have to go through to get it.  I am now amazed that I ever had the audacity to believe I was tired prior to 4 years ago.  My kids are both my greatest blessing and my biggest challenge on a daily basis.  I am in awe of them and wouldn’t give them up for anything, but sometimes Mommy just needs a nap.