Hogwarts will be always there to welcome you home

NATALIE PORTMAN as PADMÉ AMIDALA STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005)

A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

-Keeps Padme on life support despite DNR, somehow this ends in him getting punched by Obi-Wan

-Immediately starts putting her on every treatment known to man

-Walks over to Wilson’s office, which is the only part of the entire ship that just looks the same as it does in the show

-Homoerotically complains about how stupid Jedi are, then makes a bet with Wilson on whether Obi Wan is gay or the father of Padme’s twins (Wilson wants House to believe people can be faithful)

-Padme almost dies again. Turns out the treatment’s not working

-“if the dark side nearly killed her, maybe it can save her”

-House uses force lightning to restart Padme’s heart

-Gets brought into Cuddy’s office and told off for using an experimental treatment, and the power of the dark side, in her hospital

-House is taken off the case and foreman is put in charge of the case

-Padme is unexpectedly doing better, but Cuddy refuses to tell House or else he’ll be using the dark side to save all his patients

-House watches on as Wilson tries seducing a relieved Obi Wan while he paces in the lobby. Doesn’t seem to work

-House interrogates Obi Wan about his relationship with Padme, insinuates it’s Obi Wans Fault. Gets in a struggle and once theyre seperated it’s revealed he ripped out some beard hair

-Padme is getting released from the hospital but crashes again with obvious signs of infection. Everyone blames the dark side of the force

-is put in intensive care again, everyone thinks she’s going to die, House is brooding.

-House meets Bail Organa and talks to him, Bail mentions how he was so worried about her the last time she was in a hospital, and this seems much more hopeless

-“what time she was in the hospital?”

-House marches in as they’re about to pull the plug, rolling Padme’s unconcious body over to point at dark spot on the back of her neck

-Foreman looks disapointed, “it’s a bruise house, her husband nearly snapped her neck.”

-“Our princess’ boyfriend here failed to mentioned she was scratched by a Nexu on Genosis years ago. Nexu claws are known as a vicious poison.”

-“it would have killed her years ago”

-“unless a small chunk of claw stuck in her back, working into the muscles near the nape of her neck for years. The little prince of Darkness chokes her, pressure and muscles spasming lets it work into a blood vessel. It’s why the force lightning only was a bandaid, it vaporized what was in her bloodstream but broke up the rest of the claw and let it enter in her bloodstream. Start her on dialysis, she’ll be fine by tomorrow afternoon.”

-Next day Padme’s wheeled out of the hospital with her two children, bittersweetness. House watches from balcony before going back to his office

-Wilson enters with his shirt unbuttoned and a few bruises on his neck, declaring, “the Jedi is gay. I win.”

-House holds up a paternity test, “he’s bisexual, it’s a draw”

@exteenpopstar

#love the implication that house is force sensitive and decided to become a dark side user for medical malpractice reasons (via @gravity-loves-me)

I’m HOWLING this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

Imagine the potential of a Clone Wars style TV series set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back.

Luke “YOLO” Skywalker with a laser sword, no master, no training, bullshitting his way through the galaxy and somehow saving everyone despite having absolutely no idea??? what he’s doing????

Han “I won’t say I’m in love” Solo having a midlife crisis because he’s supposed to be a scoundrel?? But now he’s a rebel GENERAL and not sure how that happened? Also he may be in love with a actual princess what even is his life now???

Leia Organa being the youngest general in history, who can command a entire resistance but not legally order a drink yet. Who also accidentally uses the force on a regular basis but purposefully ignores it because there is already one feral wizard on the team and she has a actual job thank you very much.

Chewie having the time of his LIFE watching Han and Leia stumble around each other, providing the WORST wingman advice in the history of the galaxy. Also Wookie’s can live 600 years so there’s a damn good chance he’s heard of another reckless General Skywalker with a laser sword and should he mention that? No? Nah it’s probably nothing.

R2D2 knowing DAMN WELL who Darth Vader is and knowing Luke and Leia are twins and not telling anyone because he ain’t no snitch. Also he knows Tano and Ezra are out there somewhere and could train Luke but nah, this is way more fun.

Ahsoka “living cryptid” Tano trying to do her own shit when she hears about a Skywalker with a blue lightsaber running around and not believing it, nope, fake news.

Darth Vader realizing Luke is his son and losing his damn mind because we never got to see his reaction. Padme and he have a child who’s alive and force-sensitive and he’s on the wrong but he’s such a good pilot Vader’s so proud.

Vader banging his head on the wall because he searched for Obi-Wan for TWO KRIFFING DECADES and of COURSE the bitch was on TATOOINE with Vader’s SON, who was living under his REAL LAST NAME

Vader wondering how the hell Luke got R2D2??? and C3PO?? And is that his old lightsaber??? Palpatine sir we need to talk.

Like imagine the shenanigans. The character development. The pure chaos of THREE SKYWALKER’S alive at the same time.

Like:

Luke watching old Holo Vids of Clone War jedi and trying to copy the moves in his bedroom and Leia stop laughing this is serious jedi business LEIA-

“Luke why is there a hole in the wall shaped like your foot?”

“…Have you ever heard of Ataru?”

Luke and Han offering to teach Leia hand-to-hand and she absolutely wipes the floor with them. Han’s in love; Luke is in pain.

Han and Leia have to go undercover as a married couple for a mission and it goes as well as you think.

Luke Skywalker being the Chekov of the Alliance.

“Oh good, he’s nineteen.”

“We need someone to undertake this extremely risky mission-”

“I can do that! I can do that!”

Captain Rex still working for the Rebel Alliance, running into Luke and R2D2 in the hallway and having Vietnam flashbacks.

Rex telling Luke about Clone War Era Anakin - never saying he became Vader, but making sure Anakin’s son knows who his father really was. Rex becoming Luke’s family, because this kid lost his entire life in like 5 hours someone help him please

“Uncle Rex!”

*choking back tears* “Yeah, kid?”

Force Ghosts like Obi-Wan, Windu, and Plo Koon popping in at random to give advice. They regularly bicker with each other, but Luke and Leia are the only one’s who can see them. Han see’s them talking to themselves and is concerned

Cobb Vanth calling the Rebels for help when Imperials set up mines near Moss Pelgo. Can’t believe when old Wormie Lar’s shows up

“I blew up the Death Star!”

“Sure, Wormie. And I’m gonna be the town Marshal someday.”

“Yeah, you left your part-time job a Peli’s garage without warning her she’s might actually kill you.”

Other force-sensitives in the Alliance besides Luke. Luke having friends who understand because they’re just as scared and confused. None of them have any idea what they’re doing but they’re all doing their best, ok?

Luke meeting a force-sensitive Mandalorian named Korkie Kryze who looks a LOT like a young Obi-Wan and he has questions

Luke: *Finds a Sith Holocron* “Oh cool!”

Obi-Wan’s ghost: “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me-”

Han dodging both Boba Fett and Cad Bane. Han and Din knowing each other from past jobs.

Din taking a bounty on Han Solo and Chewie. Din going after LUKE, because he thinks he’s Han’s new crew member and look this isn’t personal, please stop looking at me like that

“Call me…uh, Wormie!”

“…Mando.”

(Luke doesn’t recognize him later in his shiny new armor. Din not recognizing Jedi!Luke later because he met a boyish farmboy and wait what do you mean that Jedi was Wormie, Han Solo’s smuggler co-pilot?!?!)

A grown-up Omega joining the Alliance. Sabine Wren and Leia training. Fennic Shand popping in as a anti-hero. Mentions and references of the Rogue One crew. Cara working in the alliance as a shock trooper and getting a proper backstory.

Just…original trilogy expansion WITHOUT betraying the characters (looking at you, Sequeal! Luke) or dramatically changing the original plot. Yeah, that takes some finagling but hey it worked last time.

Watching them go from ‘allies of convenience’ to ‘I will walk out of a base during a snowstorm on Hoth to find you’ friends.

*Add any other ideas you have!

Happy anniversary to the day we all collectively lost our minds

#i literally crack up everytime #at least ten of the notes are from me

Autoreblog

#married

Before the computing era, ILM was the master of oil matte painting, making audiences believe that some of the sets in the original Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogy were real when they weren’t. They were the work of geniuses like Chris Evans, Michael Pangrazio, Frank Ordaz, Harrison Ellenshaw and Ralph McQuarrie ! Forever thank you, to their handmade art and the work of their colleagues, that made us dream of impossible worlds and fantastic places across Earth and the Universe.

There are more background paintings on this article, featuring comments by the masters/artists themselves ! 

Some of the following pieces were made by other artists 2:

exCUSE ME?!?!!??!??! TheYRE PAINTINGS?!??!!?!

SHUT UP I thought they were miniatures!!!!

It’s too beautiful. I could cry.

I love this because I’ll be watching a movie and think “how did they do that? Is that a building they built for this movie? Was it there beforehand? Is it cardboard or CGI? Is that actually some place on Earth that they’re filming?” And the answer to all of these now is “nope, that’s a painting”. I can’t believe some of the most iconic, familiar shots were paintings!

imagine a time where people actually were given the time, reverance, and pay to make real hands on art & it paid off by making multiple multi-generationally beloved classics raking in billions of their almighty dollar??? instead of mass marketed hollywood horse shit

Went to see the Return of the Jedi at the cinema with friends for the 40th Anniversary release. It was, unfortunately, the “Special Edition” version.

We all agreed that the matte paintings and miniature work still holds up and looks great, but the CGI has ages horribly.

#married

You know, with all the language throughout Star Wars about “giving in” to the Dark Side, how the Dark Side makes you more powerful, how the Dark Side makes you age strangely and destroys you, it sure doesn’t sound like an “opposite side of the coin” so much as the “deeper end of the pool,” like it’s actually the true form of the force and being a Jedi is about keeping it tamed so it doesn’t eat you the way it actually wants.

the force is entropy

Eldritch Jedi pls

This is one of the reasons i love the second Knights of the Old Republic game, wherein one of the major characters (who defines herself neither as Jedi nor Sith) actually views the Force this way, saying  “I hate the Force. I hate that it seems to have a will, that it would control us to achieve some measure of balance, when countless lives are lost.”

It’s also the game that gave us the two most entropic, eldritch characters in the franchise: Darth Nihilus, whose dark-side-borne ability to feed on the Force and consume life itself has twisted him into a half-living “wound in the Force”, more presence than flesh

and Darth Sion, whose entire body is a ruin, his flesh nothing but ragged scar tissue, every bone and muscle broken and torn, kept animated by will alone as he forces himself, second by agonizing second, to exist

I wish there were more horrifying perspectives on the force like that

#the force is a horrorterror

This is one of the reasons the term “Light Side” never felt right to me, even before it was used in any official media; The Force always struck me more like an ocean than a binary concept: the deeper you go, the darker and more crushing it gets — at a certain point becoming an effectually consistent darkness — and while light filters down and fades for some distance, if there is a truly light “side” it’d be the surface.

Which isn’t to say “the Force is evil unless you flounder about near the top” — just that it’s a natural force, and as such is something you need to respect and be adequately prepared for. (Take electricity, for example: super awesome and pretty dang useful, but OH HOLY SMOKES don’t try and harness it unless you REALLY know what you’re doing!)

In this sense, being tempted by the Dark Side is less a case of “Hey, I wonder what’s on the other side of this coin it looks pretty cool haha oh whoops I’m Space Walter White now,” and more one of “The deeper into this thing you go, the harder you’ll need to fight to resist the ever-increasing pressure, to remain whole, even to just see whatever the heck you’re actually doing.”

(which is why Jedi training is so important: those padawans gotta build themselves a mental Deepsea Challenger!)

THIS META BLESSED ME

Does anyone really use the Force?  Or does the Force just use you?

The authors of the extended universe have always done a better job at developing this concept than Lucas has.

#they’re the same thing

The Mandalorian: Chapter 22 + text posts

the Star Wars universe is great because you read enough you eventually find out things like the fact that the Stormtrooper whose armor Luke stole in Episode IV was gay and in an affair with fucking Grand Moff Tarkin, which is a completely canonical fact that I am not making up.

this is him, by the way. His name is TK-421, and he is the star of the short story “Of MSE-6 And Men”.  He owns a mouse droid and is in an affair with a superior officer, who turns out to Tarkin.

The next time you watch a New Hope, keep in mind Luke is wearing the armor of a man who knew Tarkin sexually. The armor Luke is wearing when he says the iconic line “I’m Luke Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you” has more than likely been on the floor of Tarkin’s bedroom.

since I’m getting naysayers about this again!

I have this book and the Audible version and can confirm that nearly every word of this is true (note: the voice is, like, obviously not Peter Cushing, but it’s… pretty clearly Tarkin) except! There is one note here that is ABSOLUTELY incorrect.

That armor has never been on the floor of Tarkin’s bedroom. He is very proud of his carpet and the armor goes on the chair by his bed.

Note: the country hick accent thing is because this is their first in-person meeting and TK-421 thinks Tarkin will be into that.

You guys are never gonna believe this but the author was a marine biologist

There are many benefits to being a marine biologist

OBI-WAN KENOBI 1.01 | Part I

happy holidays this is my new absolute favorite tik tok

HAPPY MAY THE 4TH!  ✨ TRUST ONLY IN THE FORCE | Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order