By Meera Lee Patel for Today in Tabs.
<3
Herbert List. AUSTRIA. Vienna. "Instructive View into the Ribcage." From the photo-essay on "Praüscher's Panoptikum" at the Prater. A grotesque chamber of horrors dating from 1870, it contained wax figures of historical personages, inventions, events, crimes, illnesses, and anatomical depictions. It was already banned at this time, and by the end of the war had been pretty much demolished by the SS. [x]
rest in fucking pieces, mr. darcy
please have this playing on loop above my tombstone
GET WREKT FITZWILLIAM
This man is killing me
Story about how Tom Hardy found a kitten while shooting Sweeney Todd in Romania (did he get cut from that or what? I dunno, that’s what the site says Edit: It was a BBC version). Prepare to die from the cuteness. No, I’m not cutting it. You should read it all.
September 11, 2005
I have a Kat in my hotel room, I wish I could send you the photos I took on my cellphone, I spent 4 hrs manually zapping fleas on the bugger and fed him threw him in the bath and we’re like 95% flea free, now went to the super market but they didn’t have no stuff but raid so I sprayed the room with this pollutant spray killing anything that falls off him gonna get him wormed tomorrow at the pet store. then we got to find him a home. he shines right now. i call him CJ after the guy in GTA San Andreas. he’s on my mobile phone, plenty of photos, but this new one ain’t set up to send or retrieve photomessaging so I will have to update you with photos when I get back to London. On the way back from the internet cafe yesterday, there’s this kitten in the road, and I’m like. hey kat whssup? then I had to double take. that’s a small cat as cats go. it’s prolly like a couple months old max. so I’m like hey little fella, and I look about but no one is looking for this thing. so I stopped and turned round and said hey kat where’s your family, and he’s like I don’t know.
then he wanders up to me and bang he’s in my scoop and I’m looking around I ask a few old ladies this your cat, a man this your… nothing, infact the languague barrier lifts with one old lady who speaks no english but I can tell she wishes me well infact every girl in town now notices I have a kitten and even though I have a skinhead and baggy pants on, the uniform of the criminal, I am now such a sweet boy with his kitten. I’m like no, you don’t understand this is not my kitten, this is God’s child I found in the street prolly belongs to some kid who is crying right now, I don’t want kat, even if I did want kat, I can’t have kat, he has no passport I have a dog who will eat Kat, the responsibility, I am a tourist I stay at Hilton this thing is not allowed in the Hilton, so I’m holding this little big prollem. I look at C.J he looks at me licking his fleabag paws. and says “so where we headed?”….. we had a mishap on the carpet but I took the washing powder and cleaned up, with a flannel! I know but when you’re a man on location you make do with whatever you can. He also had a little accident on the duvet which p###d me off coz that’s my bed but he’s like a baby but cat piss s lethal so I couldn’t tell reception I had kat in the room and I sure as hell wasn’t going to admit to peeing the bed, or sprinkling, what type of man sprinkles the bed? so I poured some coca cola on the sheets got some fresh ones and committed C.J to the bathroom for the night, where he screamed blue murder. You got to know that this cat lay asleep upside down in my lap for four hours being preened. at first he was pissed but as the itches grew less frequent he knew I was helping him out so. bonk lights out snoring feet in the air. we bedded him down in the bathroom, and C.J got lungs man I’m telling you all night he’s like “WoAh WOAH! PLEASE!” he is now on my bed watching telly I am at the internet cafe again the funny thing is I confessed to reception, OK this guy stayed the night I deflead him and dewormed him so he’s clean…technically 65% lie there but we’ll de worm and deflea tomorrow when the store with the chemicals opens up. I got to find him a home is there like an RSPCA here or something? the girls at reception fall in love with him. he’s all fluffy coz I put him in a bath, I told them they’re like we can see, really this kat sparkles now. but he doesn’t want to hang out with them he wants to sit on my shoulder and stare and watch MTV in the room. So anyway she says you can keep him in your room no problem. we can get housekeeping to send something special up. A litter tray Hallelulah!!! That is so cool, now that only happens at really cool places, you know. So C.J and his remaining fleas are lounging on the covers taking calls, watching extreme sports and tomorrow he’s coming to work and we’re going to try and get him rehoused. he is such a dude, and he is very funny and likes to talk a lot cuddle and sleep, plus he follows me everywhere talking romanian, I’m like I live in london dude I have no idea what you’re on about, you can’t live with me we’ll find you someone. Blood and Chocolate is shooting here with Hugh Dancy some werewolf movie, and I told one of the actors yo you might inherit C.J if I can’t find him a home. I got 10 days. So does anyone know anyone in Bucharest that wants an actor’s Kat? please call the ##### Hilton in ##### they’ll put you through to my room and we’ll get you one Kat! XXXX Tommy
September 12, 2005
C.J has been adopted by the Costume dept at the studio in Romania now so he has a new home which is great. Will send pics! Am in FHM Collections in England at moment. Have a L’uomo Vogue shoot coming out soon I hope. XXX ETH Thanks for everyone’s concern, I was even looking at trying to ship him out to Carolina! xxx
Reason #5,290,759 to love Tom Hardy. I’m guessing this was a note on his MySpace page?
On doing standup at colleges
In my opinion - a phrase missing from Jerry Seinfeld’s scrutinized phone call to a radio show AND the ensuing “think-pieces” - colleges are less fun, or perhaps less easy places at which to do standup for one reason only: the audience is younger and thus has seen less of life, i.e. they might not know - or have experienced - what the comedian is talking about. It has nothing to do with what people call political correctness. I happen to enjoy this challenge because I have to work harder as a comedian to attain the per-show laugh quota I need to survive. As such, I finish the show a better comedian than when I started it and can take what I learned into my next club or theater show and “kill” more audience members with greater, more efficient violence. I view college shows like I view festival shows (which are even harder); they’re the “gym” and theater shows are “fights.” Additionally it’s important that I regularly perform in lineups at clubs for people who did not come to see me. Woe unto the standup who only performs for “their” crowds. They become less funny as time passes which is the worst thing I can imagine. Worth mentioning is that colleges pay flat fees which is very, very sexy to a standup, someone who will never not be a sweaty busker. And I love money. One college in the Midwest paid me so much for an hour’s work I was able to pay a think-piece writer to wipe my ass with his prized Belle and Sebastian t-shirt.
In which Rob Delaney is great, again.
dying
Hi, this is me. I think. (’On not being considered a warm person.’)
This is an ode to #SQUAD.
I love this very much.
Strongwomen from the 1800s
If someone ever tells you strong muscular women didn’t exist in the past, and that every woman was little, tiny and dainty, show them their ignorant ass this post.
I want these
muscles
1980.
Belushi, Aykroyd, and Fisher.
Look at those lips on Dan!