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#oh no – @melodramaticmonopoly on Tumblr
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the wrong question

@melodramaticmonopoly / melodramaticmonopoly.tumblr.com

GJ, they/them, hrt since 7/20/18. I'm 21+
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deafmic

The best thing I've ever seen while driving was when I was racing across Idaho on my roadtrip to get home when suddenly my gps out of nowhere tells me that I can save an hour and a half by taking a detour. I had no idea why. I was in the middle of a pretty rural part of the state and twilight was setting in and the road looked clear, but holy shit, 90 minutes? I had no idea how or why this detour would do that but I took it anyways and got off the main interstate onto a frontage road.

About 2 minutes of driving later revealed VERY abrupt traffic backed up for miles. I had gotten off the interstate at the exact right and last moment. Everyone was pissed off and angry, so it seemed new. And here me and like three other cars were, racing past and completely skipping the traffic they were suddenly stuck in. There was no movement. Only traffic. I could feel their envy as I drove by wondering what the fuck was going on.

I fully expected there to have been a huge accident. Something like a head on collision. But then about four miles down the road, I see it. A tipped over truck, and thousands upon thousands of tiny brown potatoes still rolling across the road.

The driver was outside, his head in his hands, looking very much alright but appropriately stressed out, and behind him was miles of angry traffic caused by truck tipping over and dumping thousands of potatoes onto the asphalt. A potato spill. In Idaho. The state only known for potatoes. It still makes me laugh thinking about it.

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aughtpunk

Knitting question: what project do you regret completing? Like, the one that should have frogged?

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The fucking neon blanket.

I can't find a picture of it but I want you to imagine hubris given physical form. This blanket, this fucking blanket was knitted by holding SEVEN strands of yarn together on size 32 needles. I knit it from the inside out and only stopped when I was out of yarn. It was massive. Too massive. It worked as a weighted blanket but it was so hard to actually pick up and move around. I never weighed it but it was just. Too much blanket. Washing it was almost impossible. I had to drag it to a Laundromat to find a washer big enough only to discover that when it was wet IT WAS TOO HEAVY TO PICK UP i literally had to drag it over to the dryers this defeating the purpose of cleaning it

In the end I donated it to a thrift store because I couldn't picture dragging that stupid blanket around for the rest of my life.

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Omg

Okay, my turn.

My hubby loves the 4th Doctor and as a gift, I said I would knit this for him. I sized it up, got the pattern. No gauge. Rough size 14 feet long. No needle recs.

I decided to use 5 yarn and work it row by row. If it was a bit bigger, there would be no problem.

Can you see the problem?

I worked on it. And worked. I rolled it up as I worked, pinned it to keep it clean, and worked. And worked.

And ran out of yarn.

This should have clued me in. I should have ripped the whole thing, redone the width and drop down at least 4 needle sizes to tighten this fucker up.

I bought more yarn.

The roll was 18 in diameter when I finished it. It was 20 inches wide. So hubbies and I took it down to the lawn to measure it behind our apartment building.

And unrolled it

And unrolled it.

Go back farther, sweetheart. I'm sure it's not too much bigger

Are you ready?

No. No you aren't.

It was not 14 feet long

It was not 20 feet long.

It was 43 fucking feet long.

It tried to eat my hubby.

He's 5'9".

.

.

.

Oh and one thing I learned afterwards -

Garter stitch stretches.

This is the greatest addition to my post I'm so sorry

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so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

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This charming man

I took these just over a week before Bear passed away. Today is 6 weeks since we said goodbye. I don't think a day has gone by since then that I haven't seen this in my activity being liked or reblogged. I know one day they will stop and this won't get anymore notes. But until then thank you everyone for keeping Bear's memory alive ⭐️

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I was reading something about Whitestown, Indiana and my eyes nearly popped out of my head thinking it was one of THOSE comically racist towns. Nice to know, at least the name, wasn’t that.

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apricops

Racisttown, named after the abolitionist Stopbeing Racist,

I’ve driven past this town. It does not help that the road sign pointing to Whitestown also points in the opposite direction to, I kid you not, Brownsville.

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brengar419

gotta love I-65

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peopleofwho

I’ve just heard the news that the lovely Deborah Watling has passed away, following a short battle with cancer.  I only had the chance to meet her a few times, but she was always kind, and funny, and full of sunshine, with a lifelong passion for performance and theatre.

My heart goes out to her family and friends, and all of her fans.  I feel blessed to have known her, but so sad that we’ve lost someone so special.

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