some things i’ve learned about adulthood that no one warns you about

Very pertinent information

Developing Effective Study Habits

Below are some tips to help you develop the attitudes and habits which lead to success:

1. Take responsibility for yourself, and your failure or success.

2. Understand that you’ll need to priorities the way you use your time and your energy. Make your own decisions, and don’t let your friends dictate what’s important, and how much you should work.

3. Figure out when your most productive work times are, and the types of environments where you work best.

4. Try to understand the material well – don’t just memorize what the textbook says. If possible, try to explain it to a friend.

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Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation has to do with our sexual feelings and identity. Some common questions related to this are explored below.

Why Are Some People Homosexual or Bisexual?

The majority of scientists have concluded that sexual orientation is not related to any single factor. It’s due to the interaction of various environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors. That means it isn’t caused by any individual early life experience, or the way a child was parented

How Do People Know Their Sexual Orientation?

Most people have a clear sense of their sexual orientation by adolescence or early adulthood – usually before they have had any sexual experience. For example, a person will be aware of whether they are attracted to, or fantasize about, the same or the opposite sex. However, fantasies in themselves do not necessarily indicate any particular sexual orientation.

Can a Person’s Sexual Orientation Be Changed?

As a general principle, sexual orientation is not believed to be a choice. That would indicate that it cannot be changed. However, some people make the decision to hide their sexual orientation for personal reasons or to avoid experience prejudice.

For more info see: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sexual-orientation

Some Secrets of Adulthood

1. People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think.

2. It’s Ok to ask for help.

3. Do good, feel good.

4. It’s important to be nice to everyone.

5. By doing a little each day you can get a lot accomplished.

6. No deposit, no return.

7. If you can’t find something, clean up.

8. What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.

9. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

10. What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you - and vice versa.

Gretchen Rubin

Do you struggle with feeling unloved?

You are likely to struggle with feeling unloved when a parent, or your partner:

· Is distant, cold, detached, withdrawn, unable or unwilling to demonstrate love, or is emotionally unavailable to you.

· Discounts your thoughts, opinions and viewpoints, or is consistently negative, and puts you down.

· Has outbursts of anger, is accusatory, blaming, judgmental, attacking, aggressive, mean or is controlling or abusive.

· Ignores, or refuses to discuss any problems, and isn’t interested in conflict resolution.

· Shuts you out and creates barriers with the TV, phone, laptop, work, activities, sports, or any addiction that is ruling their life.

· Doesn’t care about how their actions or their words make you feel.

In contrast to this, you are likely to feel loved, confident and secure when:

· They care about your feelings, how well you are doing, and the way their behavior affects you, personally.

· They want to understand how you think and feel, and what your different views and opinions are.

· They want to strengthen your shared relationship by changing those behaviours that upset you.

· They are sensitive and caring when they know that you are struggling with loneliness, rejection, sadness or pain.

· They seek to connect with you emotionally … and allow you to speak … and they listen carefully to what you have to say.

· Even in conflict, they want your highest good - and they’re not self-centred and focused on themselves.

Dissociative Disorders

Dissociative disorders involve a breakdown in memory, awareness, identity and/or perception. The four main types are:

·         Dissociative amnesia: Here, the person can’t remember important personal information surrounding a traumatic experience. This creates gaps in their personal history.

·         Dissociative fugue: This is where the person impulsively wanders or disappears from their home - and can’t remember who they are, or anything about their past. Thus, they feel confused with no consistent identity. Usually, they move to a new location immediately after a stressful event. To others who do not know the individual, they appear to be functioning normally. The condition is usually diagnosed when family members find their lost relative

·         Dissociative identity disorder: Previously known as “multiple personality disorder”, this is where a person switches between two or more identities. Each has control of the person at different times. Also, each identity has its own name, history and personality. The person only remembers a selection of personal information - depending on which identity is currently controlling them

·         Depersonalization disorder: Key symptoms are a feeling of detachment or estrangement from the self. The person feels as if they are living in a dream, detached and looking down at their body, or watching themselves on a movie screen. Thus, they feel as if they’re “losing their mind”.

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Counselling a Friend

You should never counsel your family or friends as you can’t be objective in a close relationship. However, you can offer support and be there for them when they need to unload and are looking for a friend. So what are some tips that can help you with this? 1) Encourage them to talk; ask them what’s on their mind - If you think your friend’s depressed or is bottling something up don’t pretend you haven’t noticed … ask if something’s bothering them. And unless you get the sense that they don’t want to talk, be persistent and keep asking in a gentle, caring way. This will send the clear message that you genuinely care. 2) Give your full attention and listen carefully – If your friend is brave enough to share what’s really bothering them, then give them the respect of listening carefully – without interrupting or offering them advice. Pay close attention and focus, and try to understand their perspective on their problems, and how that makes them feel. The only time you should speak is to clarify a point, or to ask open questions that will help them unload more. Also, encourage them to talk through your use of body language – such as nodding while they’re talking and sitting very still. Never fidget, look around or get distracted while they’re speaking – as that sends the message that you’re losing interest fast. 3) Unless specifically requested, don’t offer them advice - Once you’ve got the gist of what’s happening with your friend, resist the instinct to give them some advice. This is often very hard as we usually want to help … but most people resent this – they just want to be heard. Instead, the best way forward is to keep on asking questions to help them find solutions to their problems for themselves. 4) Remember it’s all about them; it’s not about you – Most people want to somehow turn the conversation round to talking about them, and their own experiences. This is so annoying; it’s the worst thing you could do. You are meant to be focused on your friend’s experiences!  

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Why you should never give up

At some point we all feel like throwing in the towel. We’ve lost our vision and our motivation. But there are lots of good reasons to hang in there and fight … and to keep on going till we’ve reached our dreams and goals: 

1. As long as you’re alive it’s worth the fight and effort – While you are still breathing you still have the chance, and the choice, to keep trying until you succeed.

2. Remember to be patient and realistic – It takes time to learn skills and to master something new. Be patient with yourself. It’s a journey not a race. Mistakes are normal; they don’t mean that you’re a failure.

3. You are stronger than you think – You can handle differentsetbacks; you have the fight and drive to keep on persevering until you reach your goal. Don’t underestimate your will and energy.

4. Prove who you are: You’re a winner not a quitter - You don’t want to be known as someone who gives up. So go out there and show them that you’ve got what it takes.

5. If someone else has done it you can do it, too. You know that it is possible. It’s not an empty dream. Plan your journey, break the goal down – and you’ll get there in the end.

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How to Deal with Mistakes and Failures in Life

Remind yourself that:

1.    This is not the end. You are going to survive.  There’s no point in pretending that life is always great. At times we trip and fall, or we make some bad mistakes. Allow yourself to heal, then get up and start again. Take one or two small steps … and know you’re going to survive!

2.    Everybody makes mistakes along the way. You’re only a failure if you give up and don’t try. Accept that you are human … and move on with your life.

3.    Positive thinking leads to positive results. If you think you can succeed then there’s a good chance that you will. The mind is very powerful – we create what we believe.

4.    Success is closer than you think when you are down. Mistakes can be our teachers; they don’t mean all is lost. In fact, you’re one step closer to getting what you want.  

5.    You are not your mistakes. Don’t fall into the trap of defining who you are by different things you do – or by your failures and mistakes.

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Qualities of a Winning Personality

1. Exhibit integrity – A person is said to have integrity if what they say and what they do are rooted in the same set of core values.

2. Don’t speak badly of others – If you speak badly about others to a friend, the chances are you’ll also speak badly about them. Hence, they are likely to be hesitant in what they share with you.

3. Be an optimist – This doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand. It meanschoosing not to dwell on the negatives, and actively looking for the positives.  

4. Make the effort to be helpful – Life is so much sweeter if you’re thoughtful and kind – and we rarely forget someone who’s caring and warm.

5. Set some goals and have some ambition - This is an extremely contagious quality.  Not only will you achieve higher goals for yourself, you’ll give hope to others, and inspire them to try.

6. Seek to be compassionate and understanding – All of us face battles and experience hard times. Empathising with others when life is tough helps to ease their burden and renew their inner spark.

7. Believe in, love and respect yourself - If you don’t accept, respect and love yourself, then you’ll send out vibes that you’re inadequate. However, it you love, believe in and treat yourself well then it’s likely that others will treat you that way, too.   

8. Persist until you succeed – Although ambition is important, it is not enough. You have to persevere if you’re going to succeed. So when you stumble or fall down just get up and start again. Then keep on going till you finally succeed.

9. Be open minded and willing to learn - If you’re closed in your thinking  and set in your ways then you’ll never discover a different,  better way .. and you’ll close yourself off to other possibilities.

10. Take responsibility for your life - Blaming others for your problems, or acting like a victim won’t help you to move forwards, and have the life you want. Take control of your destiny. Success is up to you.

What to Look for in a Friend

A good friend in someone who:

o   Listens without judging you

o   Has similar interests and values to you

o   Shares your sense of humour and can make you smile

o   Laughs and cries with you

o   Someone you can do fun things with

o   Tells you when you have lipstick on your teeth

o   Is there for you in a crisis

o   Listen to your complaints, but doesn’t allow you to wallow in self pity

o   Treats people with respect; isn’t bitchy or a gossip

o   Is trustworthy and dependable

o   Isn’t self-obsessed and can laugh at herself

o   Knows all about you, and accepts you as you are

o   Lives life with passion

o   Isn’t easily offended and doesn’t sweat the small stuff.

“La Vie En Rose” - Edith Piaf 

Some Facts on Dreams and Dreaming

1.    Most dreams are based on visual images (Except in people who were either born blind, or who lost their sight at an early age). Occasionally, dreams will include sound and touch.

2.    The normal rules of logic do not apply in dreams. For example, the dream may be taking place in one location – then, abruptly, the dreamer is translocated to a completely different place.

3.    Most dreams occur in a house – but this is usually not your own home. The most frequently reported room is the living room. People rarely dream about their work place or school.

4.    The most frequent scenario is the dreamer plus two other people.

5.    Famous people seldom appear in our dreams. The vast majority of people dream about people who are significant to them, especially if there is an ongoing conflict.

6.    Mundane activities (such as brushing your teeth) rarely appear in dreams.

7.    Dreams tend not to be happy events, and the three most common reported emotions are anger, sadness and fear.

8.    Some themes are so common that they are reported the world over. These universal themes include the loss of a tooth, falling or flying, exhibition, arriving late for exams or other important events, and being chased or attacked.

9.    Cross-cultural research indicates that our dreams reflect normal life events in our own country and culture.

10. There appear to be some differences in the content of dreams between the two sexes. Specifically, women are more likely to dream about their children, family or household activities; men are more likely to dream about strangers, violence, sexual activity, achievement, and outdoor events.

When you try taking photos of yourself..

miguelofthedark:

That awkward moment when you're really upset and decide to play the saddest song you know.

ineed-a-doctor:

thefuuuucomics: