“i don’t care,” i say, caringly, as i care deeply

i hate having to like…………….. articulate my ideas

“Roger’s favourite game is crushing his feed bucket! Roger is our alpha male kangaroo, he is 10 years old, height 6ft 7, weight 200 pounds and 100% muscle. I raised him from a tiny orphan baby kangaroo.”

Photo/caption by The Kangaroo Sanctuary Alice Springs

Look at this fucking chad

Damn.

Australia is a foreign planet.

Me, in my coffin: shit i forgot my headphones

wtf is an acronym 

COOLIN

Marilyn ain’t got shit on this man

Me irl

I can’t believe that this post clocked me.

I never would’ve remembered biting down into the seam of these things, often splitting them into two near-perfect halves. The texture was bad, the taste was bad, and yet…I chomped.

Never would’ve remembered without this post. The internet truly does make you feel less alone. 

hashtag animashun

lol turn on the sound

im so glad this is back in my dash

the smears, yall. these r sum good ass smears

op is literally god

@funniesthomevideosuggestions

This was funnier in my head. 

If this was funnier in your head I have no idea how you’re still alive because I’m fucking dying.

ya’ll i am fucking sobbing at these photos of a horse catching a frisbee 

valid to eat frisbees

A comparison of a male Pacman Frog, left, and a female, right. Or perhaps a bowl of spaghetti hoops with guacamole?

madam spgheettey 

why the fuck does english have a word for

but not for “the day after tomorrow”

???

Because you’re not looking hard enough! ;)

Overmorrow = the day after tomorrow

Ereyesterday = the day before yesterday

Example: I defenestrated my brother ereyesterday. I shall defenestrate my sister overmorrow! Because I hate my family and also windows.

english has some of the best examples of stupidly specific words, tbh

Rhotacism (n): excessive use of the letter “R”

Lingible (adj): meant to be licked

Whipjack (n): a beggar, specifically one who is pretending to have been shipwrecked

Yerd (v): to beat with an object with a stick

Roddikin (n): the fourth stomach of a cow or a deer

Balbriggan (n): a type of fine cotton, most often used in underwear

and my personal favorite

Cornobble (v): to slap or beat another person with a fish

This makes the English nerd in me extremely happy.

This is just what I needed to brighten up my day

Once again, The Onion is not even in the general vicinity of fucking around

Fuck it..

"Sunlight speaks and its voice is a bird..."