Large Eel

oh u can have this post i don’t want it

Gee, thanks mista! Oi Avent had a post to me own since and mum n pop died of influenza! I'll be certain to cherish it as if it were me little brutha who died from influenza also

Woss-all this then? You cheeky li’uhl buggah, wheh’d you get that post? Didn’t I tell you wha’ ‘appens to li’uhl boys that steal posts, hm? If your dear old mum knew she’d catch influenza with shame.

Oh no, Officer! I know ‘im, and ‘e’s a good lad; ‘e ‘elped me find daddy when I was lost in th market! I’m sure my father would be happy to let me pay for th’ post! Father is just around the corner getting influenza

'Ere offisah, dahn't truss that littuw giwl, orrite? She's the one wot stole foive bob from me larse week she did, when i was recovering in St. Urchin's 'Ome For Those With Influenza. And I sorer shewwin 'er ankles to some poor gent dahn the pub yesserday arfernoon while 'er ol' dad stole the poor bugger's influenza roight aht the man's pokkit. She's a baddun orrite. Fling 'er dahn the nick.

if i knew they were gonna make my post british i never would’ve gave it away

i don’t need maths i want to be whimsical for a living

What did you just say to me

you should be something cooler like eggwithweirdspotswizard

How could you that after everything I've done for you. I carried you for 9 months and went through the most painful birth out of all my children then spent DECADES raising you just for you to turn around and resent me for no reason whatsoever. I taught you everything you know.

i don’t need maths i want to be whimsical for a living

What did you just say to me

my dad walking into my room: we gotta take the trash out tonight

me (harboring lifelong resentment after he mowed the beautiful American Burnweed that had sprouted in our lawn when I was 6 and which I treated as a friend with an elaborate backstory): i do not give a fuck

affirmations

-they should kill me

-they are going to kill me

-im scared because they are going to kill me

-they are going to kill me because i am scared

I didn't sleep at all but I feel amazing I can feel the dragon energy coursing through my veins

the sexiest man of the year has just been named. yepp. its james corden again. i dont know how this keeps happening

As it turns out there's tgis one guy who lives in a cave and feels the most about of lust ever experienced but its all directed at James corden and he was an outlier and shouldn't have been counted

cursed to sit on a bus with children... worst experience ever would NOT wish this upon my worst enemy

wanna clarify that usually its fine. usually i dont care. but in this specific case i had to listen to the p-diddy alvin and the chipmunks meme full blast coming from the back of the bus