Lover, Look and See (Crosshair x Reader drabble)

Crosshair x Reader; NSFW; 1.1k words

Involves Extra Imperial Dark!Crosshair, vaguely stream-of-consciencey 

Trigger Warnings: reader death, suggested violence

………………………

You remember the days when his hand used to shake. But maybe those, too, had been your imagination. A faraway summer dream that is no longer as vivid as it used to be, until you find you can’t quite make the warm colors fit into stark black-white reality.

You close your eyes and try harder to remember, but cold wet is seeping into your kneecaps and the only warmth that comes flashing through your mind is an old one, from rough hands and sharp, biting incisors and the grunting ring of beautiful sounds from above and under and around you. Like gnashing teeth, the memory stirs and starts to chew.

“Look at me.” It’s the same voice. His voice, the only one that ever made your own hands shake. “Look. at. me.”

Desperation. A different, harsher, uglier kind than what he used to show you in darkened rooms.

The whisper of a threat - they’re not promises any more, even if the words are the same - presses at your temple. You try to look past him, to the mouth of the dirty, midnight street where he’d chased and caught you. You never could outrun him. The rains on this planet are heavy; pretty sounds pattering all around in an empty alley. But the sky is dark and so is his armor now. Above him, the red, phosphorescent glow of a neon cantina sign leaves his outline hazy. Unclear, like all the memories now.

As you turn your eyes to the gun, the vicious gleam of the barrel is the same color as the hair he had shaved away, and in the tick of slow seconds, you wonder if you had always lived in a dream.

………………

“Look at me.” The flashing white-hot lance of pain at the cusp of your ear drowns your lungs in a sudden breath. You hiss and curse and when the burn is soothed by a wet, hot kiss, you make sweeter sounds. Sometimes you can’t look at him. Sometimes, it’s too much, the tangling that starts in your chest too threatening for you to be brave.

Nawnawnawnaw take that back take it back

This DESTROYED me utterly and completely. Holy shit u write good…